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38 comments

I grew up with three brothers so I have never really bought the Prince Charming crap.

[–] LisbonMuse 1 points (+1|-0)

Hey, my screenshot made it on here! You can see where I reposted it. Someone else added the background when they reposted it tho.

I screenshotted this because it resonated so much. I got burned immensely because of this growing up, I was a diehard romantic, but I'm lucky enough to have found someone who has similar beliefs as me (hates porn). I'm so scared for the girls of today though. It's only gotten worse. They're going to think they have to accept porn. Worse, they're going to think they have to imitate or compete with it. I wish I could just tell them all they don't need it, or need to accept it. But too many people are making it out to be "healthy."

Thanks for the screenshot, I saw it on Twitter and it also resonated so much that I felt like I had to share it.

[–] worried19 1 points (+1|-0)

I feel like I missed the worst of female conditioning. I never expected to grow up to date a man. It just wasn't on my radar as a kid. And since I was so male-identified, I knew I didn't want to play the role of "the wife." I was positive about that from an extremely young age. I never identified with my mom. I wanted my dad's role in the family.

[–] legopants 1 points (+1|-0)

So was I the only one lectured during maturation about this and how it's not going to happen so you have to be there for yourself??

[–] dasehe 2 points (+2|-0) Edited

I guess the frightening thing about conditioning is you don't know what you don't know, especially if you're barely conscious of it, or if it's hardcoded into your view of society and life. That being said, men or 'my prince' was always a slightly terrifying, distant part of the future that I kept pushing away to be 'next decade's problem.' I always had - and still have, I think - something else I'd rather be doing than that. It's not that I don't have male friends - I do. Maybe even too many of them. But I just never really felt much of a reason to go there, I guess.

[–] glimmer 2 points (+2|-0)

The difference is that one of these socializations is intentionally done and the other is willfully sought out by young boys and men. I don't feel that my relationship choices were much influenced by princesses, but more the real life example of my parents' dysfunctional and abusive marriage. But I certainly watched Disney movies and romance shows.

I don't know any parents that socialize their sons with porn, especially the violent and degrading porn that makes up the bulk of internet popular videos. They seek it out themselves. It's not socialization, it's what men and boys are demanding, asking for, and going to great lengths and secrecy to access.

[–] eleanormerchant 3 points (+3|-0)

Men and women both crave love, sex, and romance. But women are so ridiculed in culture that we end up feeling foolish for everything we like and do. Cinderella is powerful and enduring because it takes a girl who is a victim of scapegoating and abuse and gives her the world. The world she attains doesn't need to be a man - it could be any type of power, self-actualization, self-esteem. She attains such power that her perpetrators don't even matter anymore and she can forgive them. Cinderella is about escaping abuse, so it could also be a metaphor for escaping patriarchy. The word "prince" is symbolic of desire. "Someday I will escape my oppressors and be free."

[–] mountainwitch 6 points (+6|-0)

I wasted so many years of my life because of the stupid prince charming complex. Years I should have spent building a career, making friends with other women, doing things I enjoyed...instead, I lived with men who suffocated my social life and self confidence (and one who suffocated me...).

Don't waste your life chasing romance.

[–] [Deleted] 13 points (+13|-0)

See, this is why we need to be gentle with each other here and not respond to posts with “I can’t believe you think you’re a feminist if you/your hubby think/believe/do that”.

Most if not all of us have been conditioned and groomed by the patriarchy, and it’s very hard to dis-entangle yourself, especially if you thought you had found (or been found by) your prince and now have kids, and/or maybe no way to support yourself (and your children), or at least not easily.

Also remember that the wider family is often heavily invested in the narrative, and a woman bucking the trend and refusing to be abused any longer is often the one labelled as the problem, not the abuser. So extracting yourself from the fairy tale can mean losing your support network, right at the time you need it most.

Even after years of feminism, after an abusive relationship, after having decided I do not want to get married, I still feel a lingering effect of this conditioning whenever I meet someone I like.

[–] ocean_grove 7 points (+7|-0)

After years of terrible decisions I realised I was waiting for Jane, not Rochester, but yes I feel like I'm still waiting for "the one". I wasn't brought up with dolls and disney princess movies, but it gets into your head regardless, that there's the "perfect" person out there wondering where you are.

[–] mountainwitch 3 points (+3|-0)

I did find someone who in no uncertain terms I consider my soul mate. I always dreamt that finding "the one" would be it. All problems solved. Love conquers all.

It's not true. Yes, we have a wonderful relationship but being in love has not solved any of my problems or erased my traumatic experiences.

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