Wanting connection and having standards before you put out makes you asexual now? That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.

[–] Dionaea 23 points Edited

Yeah, it went from asexual = having no desire to have sex with anyone ever to asexual = not wanting to have sex with everyone immediately and all the time. It's really sad but that's today's hypersexualised and pornified culture for you where you have to be into everything and if you aren't, something's wrong with you.

That's what I thought. I once joined an asexual forum because after I reached adulthood, I realized that part of the reason I was so confused as a teen (and still as an adult) was that I honestly didn't get the difference between a close friend and a lover. I'd never experienced, not just sexual attraction, but any form of arousal whatsoever. It never bothered me; I figured that I just never left the cooties stage of life. When it eventually hit me how weird everyone thought I was, I did a Google search and found asexuality. I shrugged and thought, "Welp, that must be it."

It wasn't queer, and I never felt the need to tell anyone because it's not like the lack of sexual feelings is something radical. The only annoyance was that everyone around me thought it was my duty to marry and procreate. I joined a forum just to see how many people out there experienced the same thing, but it wasn't long before everyone seemed to decide this was a particularly radical/special/queer "orientation" (can you even call it that?) and tried as hard as possible to squeeze their own experiences into it.

I don't hang out on such forums anymore, as there's no real purpose to it. A lot of "asexuals" are kids who just haven't developed their sexuality yet, and wanting an emotional relationship before one based on hormones isn't an abnormal sexuality, it's called being a well-adjusted human being whose romantic relationships likely have a much greater chance of survival because it isn't based on sex.

If you're truly asexual, the best thing to do is go back to whatever makes you happy. We don't experience oppression (and, no, your parents pushing you for grandchildren isn't oppression), we just come across as kind of quirky. Keep an open mind and don't do anything that feels wrong to you. Stop chasing after labels that will make you feel special. I believe everyone is unique, but you don't need to start jumping on bandwagons to try and force the world to think you're unique.

It's also awful because a person who genuinely has no desire for sex is going to feel pressure to have sex anyway, not to be "normal" now but because other asexuals have and celebrate sexual relationships.

Like homosexuals being asked to have straight sex because of identities.

It is so weird, it's like society has made everything so sexual all the time that it's killing my interest in actual sex. And it all seems just... sleazy somehow? Not positive. It's like sexiness is something you wallow in rather than something you enjoy.