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13 comments

[–] assignedcopatbirth 23 points (+24|-1)

Not all validities are valid 😂

I'm going to keep saying this, but gender ideology is based on borderline personality disorder "logic" : if someone doesn't acknowledge my specialness, my entire sense of self will collapse!

Addiction to validation is literally a sign of mental illness that they've made into a culture

[–] Perseph265 20 points (+20|-0)

Brought something like this up to some friends in an argument; there's a difference between validating someone's feelings, and validating their feelings as true. The latter is something you tend to avoid in treating/dealing with someone with a mental health condition.

This! You validate feelings. “I can understand how being misgendered makes you angry.” You don’t validate lies.

[–] Perseph265 6 points (+6|-0)

I generally say something like "I can see how X would make you feel Y. That sounds really tough/awful/great/scary" etc, depending on the situation. One of the first things you learn in CBT/DBT courses is your feelings don't necessarily reflect reality, and this goes double for people with things like mood or identity disorders.

[–] Verdandi 0 points (+0|-0) Edited

Yeah but it really fucks with your head when you're dealing with chronic pain. Like, I really don't need therapy to convince myself something that is clearly happening to me isn't real.

Frustration, anger, and sadness at how chronic pain is treated by "professionals" isn't a fake or inappropriate feeling to have, the mistreatment isn't in my head, this stuff is actually happening and being effectively gaslit by mental health "professionals" isn't good or useful.

[–] AmyHousewine 17 points (+17|-0)

Yes. This is succinct and wonderful.

It reminds me of the standard response to "transwomen are not women" or "sex is a binary" or "the vast majority of violence, against women or men, is committed by men": that's hurtful! That's hate! What about (insert improbable hypothetical)

Is the statement true? If it's true, then it doesn't matter if it's hurtful or hateful or inconvenient. If it's not true, attack the parts of it that are untruthful or illogical, and leave feelz out of it.

If your identity hinges on external validation, examine what your identity is, and not how to coerce people into validating it.

[–] TheAspieLady 7 points (+7|-0)

This is spot on. Thank you for sharing.

[–] NotCis 0 points (+0|-0)

Agree, spot-on. We need to be able to have a conversation about how you can't force yourself into a space and then demand that it change to fit you.

[–] MelMarieCurebee 7 points (+7|-0)

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. The first time somebody called me "gay" by claiming I was having sex with my college roommate when we had our door closed to redecorate our room (back when it was still largely closeted and negative) I had this intense moment of shame. And then I realized I wasn't lesbian (and plus, there's nothing wrong with being lesbian), and it stopped being a thing that felt bad or shameful. It became instantaneously a sign that they were being terrible. So one has to wonder why there's no abatement for the question of the validity of trans women.

[–] Skullhoney 0 points (+0|-0)

Derrick Jensen breaks it down https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPN0eZeemoE

For something to be valid, it has to be based in fact. Your feelings about something may be really strong but if they aren’t grounded in reality, they are not valid.