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13 comments

I wouldn't date a trans anything because they're tiresome narcissists.

At some point these assholes are just going to have to accept that nobody fucking wants them.

I love your username but I’m embarrassed about how long ot took me to figure it out

Not open today

No pen today

I need coffee or a nap or both

[–] ghoul2 10 points Edited

I hope I can explain myself correctly..but I am a cis lesbian who wouldn’t date a post op trans woman if she disclosed that to me/ a lot of my attraction to woman is to their energy and essence and that beautiful, nurturing, sensitive energy is innate and not something that can be replicated by wigs and ffs. I hope this doesn’t come across as rude I’m just trying to explain my and my lesbian friends POV

What is this comment lol? I'm not even sure how to feel about it because it seems like a weird balance of being critical of gender but also being patronizing as all getout

Most trans women experience severe dysphoria because of their genitals

Why do they experience severe dysphoria if, as he said, "their genitals of course don't determine their gender"?

I know, I know - I should know better than to expect them to be logically consistent.

Most of these men keep their junk. The ones who get their dick and balls made into a surgical cavity are usually the gay male "trans". The het men who say they are "lesbians" virtually all keep their junk. So that nonsense about not "knowing what's in someone's pants" is a rapey lie. The men who want to rape lesbians keep their weapon to do just that.

If you read enough of "trans lesbians" discussions over time it is clear that they start out only wanting to be with actual women because they have a "genital preference". But they get so desperate for sex and so deeply into the delusion that they are all "lesbians" that they eventually convince themselves that dick is fine cos it's attached to a "woman". Some of them are never able to do this psychological self-brainwashing and even the ones who say they are fine with dick nearly all would take any woman that would have them over another "trans" male.

I saw this thread play out in real time. And its predecessor!

What provoked this was a lesbian who WAS TRYING to date a trans woman and then decided the penis was a barrier, and wanted to know the safest, most-polite way to tell her partner about it. She asked in AL with neutral language and got a torrent of abusiveness. I regret not archiving, but she posted earlier today about how reactions like that "create terfs" and got a 2nd helping of abuse. But was still of course validating trans women in her posts/PMs!

Zero self-awareness. "Genital preferences" are OK except shut up about them, and even when you need to make them clear, shut up. Your anger about being told to shut up even when it's applicable is bigotry. So shut up some more. OK TRAs, make that bed if you want to!

I'm tired of the "genital preference" discourse

(I originally shared this on the actuallesbians subreddit, but I figured I'd share it here as well since many of us have to deal with a lot of BS, and the post got heavily downvoted over on that sub.)

Anytime there's a discussion about why people don't want to date trans people, genital preference is quickly brought up. This is of course a valid argument, and I won't shame anyone for not liking specific genitals, but I do think this reasoning is used in some pretty bad faith arguments to justify blatant transphobia. Transphobia already runs pretty rampant in gay and lesbian spaces, but I don't think this aspect is talked about as much as it should be.

From my perspective, a person is far more than just their genitals, and their genitals of course don't determine their gender. When you first see a person and are drawn to them, you typically have no idea what genitals they have. I think a lot of people who claim to have genital preferences are more attracted to other qualities of a potential partner. I myself and trans and lesbian, and for the longest time I was certain that I wanted nothing to do with AMAB genitalia. I used to have some internalized transphobia, and I didn't fully see trans women as women.

But as I became more comfortable with my sense of gender and self, I came to realize that I had no problem with those genitals, but at the same time, that didn't mean I was at all attracted to men. I'm still attracted to women and fem presenting enbies, and I've come to realize that the person the genitals are attached to is far more important than what the genitals are. I still consider myself lesbian, even though some might try to say that I'm not because I don't mind AMAB genitals and/or would date enbies, but again, I love all women. Of course, I there are specific traits that make a girl more attractive to me, but I don't see genitalia as a reason not to date someone, or to at least give them a shot, in much the same way that I wouldn't see a girl's race or ethnicity as a reason not to date them.

Most trans women experience severe dysphoria because of their genitals, and are actively seeking to do everything they can to change them, but the process can be very long, expensive, and selective. Not everyone who wants bottom surgery is fortunate enough to get it, but a lot of trans girls do plan to eventually get it. Maybe right now a trans girl has AMAB genitals, but in the future, she'll have exactly what she always wanted, and that's another issue I have with the genital preference discussion.

Just because a trans girl has genitals you dislike now, doesn't mean she'll always have them, and if you are attracted to her in every other regard and enjoy being with each other, I think its at least worth trying to make the relationship work. If you realize then that her genitals make you uncomfortable, then it's fine, and hopefully she understands, but at least you gave that relationship an earnest shot. Again, most trans girls experience dysphoria because of their genitals and will likely change them as soon as it is feasible to do so, and when it comes to intimacy, there are a lot more ways to do so which don't involve their genitals. Now again, if you know you want nothing to do with AMAB genitals, I completely understand, and you shouldn't feel guilty for that. I just feel like the genital discussion is often overblown and used to imply that trans people aren't the gender they identify as.

What I don't get is when someone refuses to date a trans girl who is post op. They talk about the bodies of trans girls as if they've somehow been tainted by their forced puberty and AGAB genitals. There are some truly gorgeous trans women out there, many of which are far prettier than I can ever hope to be, and if they've been on hormones for a while and have had bottom surgery, saying you don't want to date them because of their AGAB is absolutely transphobic. The result of a lot of this discourse and the propaganda pushed by TERFs is that trans lesbians don't feel welcome in this community.

We are all already marginalized as is. Trans lesbians already have an incredibly small dating pool, and T4T relationships are pretty common. Most transbians feel that T4T or bi/pan girls are their only real options for finding love. Sadly, a lot of people within the LGBTQ+ community, including other trans people, have a lot of internalized transphobia that can be hard to see, and for a brief period of time early in my transition, I thought that I would never date another trans girl, because I myself had a hard time seeing them as their true gender, but of course that changed when I truly accepted myself. I'm fortunate to be in a relationship with a cis woman who I dated before I realized I'm trans, and has continued to stay with me since she realized that she's bisexual, but even some bisexual women refuse to date trans people. There's just so much in-fighting within our separate LGBTQ+ communities, and it's incredibly frustrating when so many people outside our community are already fighting to strip our rights away.

Edit: typo fix

What’s wild is that the erosion of boundaries is framed as “growth” by these trans loonies (and also the sex positive crowd). The people I know who are super into drawing boundaries ironically have a very poor sense of them.

Also, being marginalized means you can’t opt out of it at any time… Women are being held hostage in red states, but waaah, lesbians don’t want to date me because I’m narcissistic, delusional, AND z have a penis.

Transphobia is “rampant” because it is a natural human response to this horseshit.