52

35 comments

Hmm this isn’t even true. Women get told all the shitty parts of pregnancy by all the women they know once they’re pregnant. In fact, I just spent like an hour yesterday telling my newly pregnant cousin are absolutely awful twin pregnancies are.

Regardless, these are nowhere near the same thing.

[–] Nona_Biba elephanthood 3 points

How awful ARE twin pregnancies? My mom is a fraternal twin so I think that makes it more likely I would have twins myself. The possibility is always in the back of my mind 🤔

The worst imo. I will never, ever recommend a twin pregnancy to anyone if you have a choice. Mine were spontaneous fraternal twins, which I can apparently thank being over 35 and breastfeeding for. I enjoyed my two previous pregnancies, aside from some mild nausea at the beginning and back pain at the end. I had unicorn pregnancies basically.

With the twins, I was nauseous to the point of medication for 3 months, in pain from about 22 weeks on, and then developed preeclampsia at 29 weeks and ended up with an emergency c section at 34 weeks and two babies who spent the first month of life in the nicu. One of them almost ended up being transferred away from me and on a vent and needed surfactant. I left my doctor’s appointment and walked straight into labor and delivery the day they were born. It was just a horror show. I was in the hospital for four days total and it took that long to get my blood pressure under control. I adore my babies though, but hands down I would take two separate pregnancies over one.

I will have to warn both my daughters because fraternal twins actually run in their father’s family.

[–] Nona_Biba elephanthood 3 points

Damn sis! How scary, not being able to be with your babies right away. :( Glad you all made it out fine on the other side though!

Pregnancy horror stories, a time honored tradition for any newly pregnant woman!

Luckily for my cousin, this is her third pregnancy, so she’s already familiar with all the war stories. She was more curious about how it is with twins and I was happy to oblige.

[–] spw 19 points Edited

I actually think this is a really good analogy. When I was 16 I got pregnant and eventually had an abortion but spent about a week thinking I wanted to continue the pregnancy. I posted online and had a load of people telling me how great this was and how amazing being a mum would be. Most of my friends where also encouraging me to keep the baby and where saying I could do it and it would be great. I had quite serious mental health issues at the time and for some reason I thought having a baby would sort them and make my life better. Fortunately my mum didn't and eventually persuaded me to get an abortion mainly by waking me up in the middle of the night to try and show me what it would be like.

I think gender affirming care is like encouraging a 16 year old girl to have a baby. You are encouraging them to do something that is not going to be right for them and not being honest about what it is like or trying to work out why they think that and what mental health problems may be affecting the decision. I actually think there are so many parallels. Both are encouraging them to make a decision that will hugely affect the rest of their life that is wrong for them. I was also told (by people I now realise where nasty "prolife" people) that my mum was manipulating and pressuring me and didn't love me enough to accept my decision. Again I see so many parallels to a TiP being told their parents are bigots as they don't immediately accept them as trans.

[–] notyourfetish 32 points Edited

I'm tired of these ugly-ass men telling me what I need to do.

I will react to men in dresses and bad wigs however I damn well please, and there isn't SHIT you can do about it, son.

[–] shewolfoffrance 29 points Edited

He clearly has no idea how many weird, invasive questions women get when they're expecting a baby.

ETA: And also, no. I won't be doing that.

Nope, not at all. When I was pregnant with my twins, people would make awkward jokes about how I looked like I was pregnant with twins. And then after I said I was having twins, ask me about ivf cycles and how expensive they were. Which is invasive and also a really wild assumption (my twins were spontaneous). I had total strangers ask me about my labor plans, how dilated my cervix was, etc.

People forget that keeping their mouths shut is an option. Like, you could always just say nothing.

[–] Eava 16 points

If my 15 year old daughter told me she was pregnant, my response would be pretty much the same as if she told me she was trans. If you care about someone, you know if a pregnancy is a bad idea. Not everyone starts planning a baby shower when someone they love tells them they're pregnant.

[–] Nona_Biba elephanthood 2 points

You are fucking delusional. People are happy when women announce their pregnancies because we're excited that a new child will be coming in to the world and our lives.

Finding out that a friend will now be coercing our language, changing their body and possibly personality is not a reason to be happy jfc.

One person is planning to bring new life into the world at the end of it, while the other will continue naval gazing and focusing on the self and their specialness.

WHAT?! 😂 How utterly absurd.

No, a mentally ill person who is irreversibly damaged does not spark joy!

Women do get told how awful pregnancies can be... I've heard so many different stories. And honestly, it's fair, people want to share their stories and I would rather hear the truth than be lulled into some rosy pink dream idea of pregnancy and then wonder what the hell is wrong with me for not experiencing that. We're also told how hard it'll be to be a parent, how we will have no time for ourselves and our hobbies whatsoever, life will only be changing diapers and breastfeeding. I find that a bit exaggerated, but we'll see. Also, I've been asked if it was planned, if we talked about it for long, how did we decide that now was the time. It's not a big issue, but people do have questions and are curious. It's not like they just go "yay" and then don't have any questions or anything to say. And I'm sure if I had gotten pregnant at some earlier state in life my family would have asked if it was a good time. They would have supported us, if we decided to go through, but they would also have been there to help me look at the situation.

After a friend had a pretty difficult and traumatic birth that she was totally unprepared for, and contributed to her havibg PPD, I promised myself I would not hide the reality of my first birth from friends, which was was very similar to her experience. I try to be gentle and not pushy, but I want my friends to know what to expect. One friend was going to turn down her mother's offer to come help after the baby was born, thinking it would be days of dreamy bliss of her and her husband cuddling with the baby. I told her her husband is a great guy, but he might need to take care of her and the baby, and he would need help to do that. It turned out she had an emergency c-section and she was grateful I warned her that she might need caregiving too, and not to turn down help.

I am pretty sure if an 14 year old girl is pregnant, people are about as opposed to it as they should be to a cosmetic double mastectomy at that age. (That some people are totally fine with a child getting her breasts amputated is horrible.)

You gotta meet some criteria to have people be happy for you if you're pregnant. Being an adult, for starters. That same criterion that trans people don't want to apply to their transitions.

Pregnancy potentially ruins the body and sex life of one person, and creates another, perfectly healthy person. Which is why people are happy.

Transitioning certainly ruins the body and sex life of one person, and does not create anything good.

It is very simple, really. The difference is the baby. Giving birth can totally mess up your body, but there is a baby that makes it worth it all.

Cutting off a man's genitals does not produce a baby. Well, not outside Greek mythology, in any case.

Load more (15 comments)