16

5 comments

This one is so bad that I can't tell if it is real or satire... If it's satire it's pretty good. If it's real, then I feel bad for his wife and family dealing with a creepy family member who sees regular women as "masculine"

Article text:

Anna B. It was the spring of 1999. I was just about to turn 27 years old and for some reason I had a really strong urge to buy and wear women’s clothes.

I don’t know where it came from, and all these years later I still don’t know where it comes from. I look back to the first time I put on my mom’s clothes. I must have been 7 or 8 years old? Then around the age of 14 years old I became fixed on stockings and pantyhose. I stole a pair and wore them until they fell apart. They made my legs look “female” I thought.

The obsession with pantyhose and the feelings I felt when I wore them lasted about 10 years, until 1996. Then I had the urge to go into a shoe store and see if they had a pair of black flats in a size that would fit me. They did!! I bought them, and the guy at the checkout was on the phone with a friend of his, and he’s telling him that there’s a guy at the store buying ladies shoes, right in front of me!! There was a lady in line ahead of me as well. The unbelievable rudeness of that guy. I didn’t care because I got my flats, and I had my pantyhose. That lasted for 3 more years, until the urge to fully dress as a woman. Wig, makeup, jewelry, the works! I wanted to look female! So, the year is 1999 and I was now plugged into the interweb and able to get all I needed!

When I got my clothes, they didn’t fit. I immediately lost weight and got fit so I could wear them. I felt amazing and that began my lifelong search for my perfect style and feminine look. By 2002 I finally felt I looked fit and healthy enough to take my 30 year old butt out of the house dressed feminine. I went to blockbuster video to return movies. I went to the grocery stores nearby. I would go to fill up my car at the gas station. I was always scared and worried I was going to be harmed in some way. But I was never harmed. I was called a pervert a couple of times. But that’s about it.

I didn’t understand fully what it meant to have gender dysphoria at that time. I thought maybe I am a pervert? I needed to be able to step back and take a look at what I’m feeling and what it is I need to do to feel “right” in the head. It wasn’t until I saw the medical definition of gender dysphoria that it all made sense. I’m not choosing to do this. This is just who I am.

I think that my being trans is working out well for my wife and I so far because she doesn’t care about looks or fashion so much. Like right now for example. It’s Saturday morning and I’m sitting with my wife having coffee, I’m writing and she’s checking into home repair videos on YouTube. I’m wearing leggings, and a women’s baseball 3/4 sleeve tee. My wife is wearing a uni-sex tee and a pair of her son’s shorts. I’m dressed in women’s clothes, and she’s dressed in men’s clothes. I don’t think that she thinks anything about the clothes she’s wearing as a needed gender feeling, she says it’s comfortable.

My wife falls on the more masculine end of the female gender. She’d prefer to not have to shave her legs if she could get away with it. I love the look and shape of her legs. It would be a crime to see them hairy. I’m so glad she shaves. If she chose not to, I wouldn’t stop her. She let’s me express my gender as a trans woman and I am so grateful she doesn’t stop me from doing so.

She doesn’t like it so much when I look female. She said it feels like there’s another woman here with us when I’m in full girly-girl mode. I can’t help but feel flattered by her feeling that way because that means Anna exists. Anna is real and she looks like a woman. Again, she doesn’t stop me from dressing that way while I work up to 40 hours a week. Also I have to say, the level of support I have gotten from the trans ladies of Medium has been phenomenal. Such loving people. Thank you all so much for your kind words!!

I have really bad social anxiety on top of the need to be seen as a woman. A double whammy! It’s not easy for me to work up the courage to go out fully feminized. I can do butch trans lesbian all day, but drawing attention from looking cute makes me feel uncomfortable. That’s why I feel I’m not meant to be out as a feminine trans woman. I totally understand the lesbian mindset when it comes to style. That stereotypical butch lesbian look has real meaning. You only really understand it when you feel it. Butch trans lesbian/non binary feminine, has a similar social vibe as Punk Rock I think. Just a softer side of it in my case.

This morning my wife and I went to the hardware store to look at stuff for the house and we were met by a trans woman employee in the paint department. Go figure! We talked for a bit about home improvement and then she gave me a knowing wink. Our “trans-dar’s” were spiking the meter.

I had on a sports bra that perks the girls a tad, my blue bead bracelet, and I have clear shiny nail polish on, and I was wearing women’s straight leg jeans. Not to mention my eyebrows are very femme. My best friend thinks I put out a younger Jamie Lee Curtis Vibe, which is such a huge compliment. But I feel this strong need to go out dressed fully feminine. I am going to give it a go in about 4 weeks. Don’t tell my wife!!

My wife will be driving with the kids to their colleges while I’ll be at home watching the dog and scheduling the home repairs. I’ll have maybe up to 3 days where I can go out at night and early morning fully dressed feminine. I have to be careful. I prefer to go out in the dark. I’m going to see if my best friend wants to hang out one of those days. I can leave the house and go to his place dressed feminine. There’s also the possibility of going to a transgender meetup I found at a local bar that week! If the stars align I may have an amazing experience as Anna! We’ll see, fingers Crossed!! I need to make sure I call the event coordinator in advance to let them know I’d like to join them in their evening out. It would probably be a good idea to let them know that I’m cool and not a creep. Safety first! If it happens to fall on one of the days I have free to explore, I should really try to do it.

I have 4 weeks to prepare. Hopefully drop 10 pounds and find the perfect outfit to wear for Anna’s first night out in over 7 years! Wow, it’s been 7 years since I was outside as feminine Anna for an extended length of time. This could be my last full summer living in the United States. Might as well live it up a bit! Even if I only end up taking an outing to my buddy’s apartment all feminized, I’ll consider it a wonderful success and confidence booster."