[–] Lipsy #bornnotworn 10 points

SPOILER: [paraphrased] "The single most accurate piece of evidence that I'm 'trans' is that I get violently reactive, like a petulant spoiled child, when I'm not given exactly what I want."

where 'want' should probably be spelled more like waaahh!nt

"I did the only reasonable thing that could have been done: I lied.

Every single subsequent answer was filled out with a simple question in mind “which one of these answers would be considered ‘feminine’ in the eyes of the most misogynistic person I can think of?”. I ended up passing the gender test with flying colors."

This one makes me sad because he's so young and on the brink of self awareness. He constantly dismisses his doubts, thinking, "If you think about being trans, a cis person wouldn't do that, so you're trans." This thought process is how you get people pushing on to extreme medical treatments that harm more than help them, lying to doctors to get them, pushing away doubts, until its too late.

Some quotes from the article "CW: Transphobia, self-doubt There are many answers one could receive when coming out — ranging from joy, through indifference to outward hatred. Yet the most peculiar one I was ever faced with was not anywhere on the “good-bad” spectrum. Rather, it was a single, extremely perplexing phrase:

I don’t believe you. There were no signs.

It was not a positive reaction, nor a negative one — it was denial. My coming out was seemingly deflected back toward me: I had to prove I was trans and something as simple as my word that I am was not enough. But just how on Earth do you go about doing that?"

"I’m sorry Aleksandra, but these tests simply do not prove you are a woman. The scores point toward you being somewhat non-binary, at best. I won’t be able to give you a dysphoria diagnosis if things contniute like this. -My Psychologist

It was not proof enough. I, frankly, have never been, neither before nor since, thrown into a more erratic whirlwind of emotions by anything or anyone. And I have experienced a lot of extreme emotions in the past few years. I wanted to cry and scream the most horrible obscenities at her for hours and hours, without end. I ended up, somehow, biting my tongue and only slightly raising my voice in protest. I have no idea how I managed to do that.

Thankfully, I was lucky. She decided to share this tidbit of information with me before I was done with all of the tests— so I did the only reasonable thing that could have been done: I lied. Every single subsequent answer was filled out with a simple question in mind “which one of these answers would be considered ‘feminine’ in the eyes of the most misogynistic person I can think of?”. I ended up passing the gender test with flying colors."

"What is the moral of this story? Simply put, the quest of verifying whether or not you are trans through third-party, qualitative means like this is utterly useless. There is no such thing as a recipe for a transgender person, nor any diagnostic process that could reliably test whether someone is trans or not. However, contrary to what I was told, that experience of mine provided quite conclusive proof that I was transgender — that proof being my reaction.

A person that was not transgender, still questioning, or perhaps indeed falling somewhere else on the gender spectrum (which still would not be a valid justification to deny a diagnosis…) may have reacted less violently. And whilst up to that point, I had moments of doubting my gender identity, that potential denial of further transition sparked a fear so great in me, that it washed all of that doubt away once and for all."

"Ultimately, what I’m getting at here is that discovering your gender identity is a very internal thing and is experienced very differently on a case-to-case basis. Some people, like me, may read a couple of things online after years of repression, have a sudden lightbulb moment, and go through an extreme paradigm shift within a matter of weeks, days even, as their entire concept of self collapses onto itself. Others may question themselves for years, even whilst on HRT, and when fully socially transitioned, their doubts regarding their identity never fully go away, only fading with time.

But there is never going to be such a thing as conclusive, medical, scientific, empirical proof that you are trans. Only you can know whether you are transgender or not. And early on in transition, this can be a very difficult task, as we exist in a cisnormative society — being trans is different, it’s rare, it’s really not difficult to comprehend why we can find it difficult to accept at first. But whenever doubt like this strikes, it’s important to keep in mind that even actively thinking about your gender is extremely uncommon — just ask your cis friends or acquaintances how often they think about their gender identity. When I did, nine out of ten responded with the word 'never' (with the rest saying 'I thought about it a few times, but not too much'). "

"But to come back to the problem I introduced in the beginning — how to prove you’re trans to somebody that’s skeptical of your identity? Well, bad news — you can’t. Five months after my coming out I brought up my diagnosis with the person I mentioned in the opening section of this post. Their response?

Do you really think I care about your papers? Just because you went to some doctor and had your biases confirmed doesn’t mean your trans

Yeah. Simply enough, proving you’re trans to others is oftentimes as feeble of a task as proving it to yourself. There’s little you can really do in situations like these than ignore that person and, if they used to be close to you, hope that maybe, someday, they’ll come around. After all, it will be hard to deny you’re trans when you’ll be several years into your transition."

This should be hilarious, but it's just sad. No criteria at all, huh? What's the definition of delusion, then? A fixed, false belief that becomes central to one's perception of the world? What a coincidence!

I guess it just shows the power of delusion. Having your delusion questioned awakens anger, therefore the delusion must be the truth, checkmate psychologists. I wish I could delude myself this easily, my life would be so much easier.