Not a full answer, but I wonder if some of it isn't due to the very odd, stilted way kids are increasingly being raised? Where there's so much pressure on kids in school settings to act like they're all friends or at least are all neutral to each other, mandating everyone gets invited to everyone else's birthday parties, everyone gives each other a valentine, conflict between kids often immediately gets adult intervention. I'm not saying this as a 'bring back bullying!' rallying cry, but think when kids are developing social skills they need to be receiving real social feedback from each other to avoid being stunted and a lot aren't getting that in real life, particularly boys with a diagnosis of something, such as autism (who seem to be radically overrepresented in incel-leaning spaces), which in a number of schools has translated into turning a blind eye and encouraging students to "be nice to him" even when a boy does things like hitting, kicking, and biting other students. And hyper-supervised childhoods in general, where someone's parent is always watching or close at hand when they're playing together to swoop in if things get negative.
So take a kid whose main interaction with other kids is through that artificial school setting where he's being shielded from the normal social consequences of his behavior, and then add in him shaping those social skills (or lack thereof) through reading things like reddit, increasingly shifting to incel spaces as he gets out into the real world where no one's being pressured to be around him and tolerate his poor behavior, and as he gets more frustrated that his interactions with others, particularly with women, aren't "working." And he blames women, because he's never actually learned consequences for his actions.
That's a really interesting point. Being set up to fail in same ways, aren't they. If you can't learn when young that acting terribly to other people will leave you isolated then when do you learn that?
It reminds me of this (very male-centric) quote: “Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times.”
I think good parents want their children to have better lives than they did, they want them to be happy, to be comfortable, for things to be easy for them, to protect them from being hurt, and some parents are advantaged enough in society to successfully secure that for their children...for a while. But if children don't experience conflict, they don't learn how to handle conflict. If all they know is comfort, they don't know how to handle discomfort. They don't learn how to handle disappointment if they're given everything. They don't learn consequences of their actions if they don't experience them. They don't get stronger if they aren't challenged by anything. If they're not allowed to fail, they don't learn how to move past a failure. If mom and dad "make friends" for them (I've even heard of some parents paying kids to hang out with their unpopular sons), they never learn how to make friends. I think all of these painful experiences are a huge part of growing up, and without them pushing you to grow you don't tend to grow up, just get older (and that's a part of how we get all of these old-ass manbabies).
“Stolen Focus” goes into some of this, you might be interested in reading it. (I know Johann Hari is controversial with alleged past plagiarism but he seems to have redeemed himself)
"Only fans money, sugar daddies, escorting."
Yeah, letting old disgusting men rape you for money is so easy and fun. Rape is a cakewalk. Compared to being an off-putting loser who can't even make a friend because of his own shit self, which is way more devastating.
Why can't these men ever just work on themselves instead of turning into misogynists? He doesn't even have any women around and it's still women's fault. How do they turn out this way???
This sounds like if some guys started talking about how much better it is to be a slave because you don't have to worry where your next meal is coming from or pay any bills. You just live life on easy mode and do a little gardening. And then hating slaves for their "easy life".