I keep having these intrusive thoughts about living a well-rounded and meaningful life, with intimate connections with others and a healthy self-esteem. Any advice on how to get rid of them?

I'd tell her to look for a good therapist so she can learn to accept that she wants, and deserves, romantic love, connection, and intimacy and to figure out why she feels like these thoughts are bad and unwanted.

It’s 100% her self esteem telling her she doesn’t “deserve” it. 🙁

This is the correct answer.

I still listen to Savage sometimes when I need a dog-walking podcast but I don't agree with him much anymore. But I've been listening for a decade and reading his column since the dinosaurs roamed the earth and old libfem habits die hard. I'm interested to listen next week to catch his answer.

So he obviously isn’t going to write an anti BdSM thing, so he will probably say to find a boyfriend who is into BDSm. To be honest when I was involved with the scene there were a lot of couples like that, dome were generally classic boyfriends and there was this idea that a certain amount of trust and love was necessary to really explore the kink.

This didn’t make it a good scene, it was rife with abuse even beyond the BdSM itself, but there was this whole concept of after care and stuff

This sounds like the worst possible combination…hook up culture and BDSM in one

Imagine genuinely believing that participating in intimacy without props, pain, or ritualization is bad and damaging to think about.

This just makes me so sad. It's not deviant to want to feel loved and safe.

Isn't this called being demi sexual these days? It's her identity, they have no right to kinkshame her for it!🤡

I'm visualising a woman who embarked on an "exciting" round of sexual exploration after a normal relationship went sour, finding herself afflicted by the notion that it was actually quite nice being in a relationship

Or one who had a hard time finding one, so decided kinky random sex was better anyways even though it isn’t what she wants