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Posts like this also always make me wonder what really happened when men talk about being a male victim of sexual assault. I so often see men claim to be victims only for it to sound ridiculous when they elaborate on the circumstances.

Obviously real male victims do exist, but it feels like the majority of men who talk about it are straight up lying. Like saying he was sexually assaulted while he was actually the one who acted inappropriately. Or men saying they are a victim of domestic violence because their wife "withheld sex". Others claiming they were justified in physically attacking their wife because she was "emotionally abusive" by "nagging" him. I've seen all of those.

Bancroft writes about it. The first thing male abusers do is claim to be the victims.

Yeah, I forgot where I read that when women talk about being abused they mean actual abuse while men mean things like "she didn't warm up the dinner"

Holy fucking shit. That's it, going to sleep, ladies. I cannot with this bullshit. I fucking hate men like this dude. I know the exact type. DARVO is their game and they play it so fucking well...

I'm with you, with the addition that I can't believe this woman is willing to entertain the idea that putting your hand on someone's crotch is as serious as "restricting my airway", in other words, coming close to killing her.

I’m sorry, I know we’re not supposed to say this out loud but males spend 100% of their time trying to coerce some poor lady into touching their crotches. We are not the fucking same. The rule is women do not want sexual interaction by default, men do. Sorry for listening to what literally all of you whine about constantly. Most men I know would get super annoyed if a woman asked for consent before touching him. He’d find it a waste of time.

What the hell? Choking is part of "making out" now? In which world?!

Honestly, I, maybe due to age, can't actually imagine how you would, in a situation of being all hot and bothered, discuss every single physical act, hand placement and what not, but I seriously can't believe anyone should have to expect being choked during intimacy. Okay, I guess very clumsy people may accidentally pull your hair or scratch you, but how did "intentional physical assault" make it into "what to expect during make out sessions"? This seems extremely concerning!

Also, the poor young woman from the post... I really wish she'd be outraged by this, clearly outrageous act and outlandish way to try and turn the blame on her.

I'm so livid I just send a text to my son : you are not, never ever to choke anyone, especially during sex! I don't care if others consider this cool, we don't do shit like this!

He seems rather confused, so maybe it's not extremely widespread after all.

More and more women+ girls are turning up at the ER with anal injuries and neck/throat injuries

Porn is completely destroying society

I'm so worried about my son growing up to be a scrote. How old is your boy? Any tips? I am really diligent about how I raise him but we all know you can be the perfect parent (which I definitely am not) and still raise a scumbag. I see a lot of Xanax in my future

He is 22. He came into my care when he was 15. I don't know all the mothers in the world, but I'm pretty sure, his biological mother must be in the top ten because she raised a really great boy. He came as a refugee, alone and has been in my care ever since. Him coming from a radically different culture made things harder and easier at the same time - he more or less had to accept everything we taught him about living in this culture.

I always took a no-nonsense approach to everything. Made absolutely sure he is crystal clear about biology. We were and are able to factually talk about everything. We often talked about non verbal or veiled verbal clues that may indicate that someone feels uncomfortable and how it is never okay to push past this. We talked a lot about grim realities, for example how women fear men and how horrible fear is and how one can make sure to make clear he is non-threatening. Considering he is of pretty chill character, his mother clearly taught him manners and he probably is a poster child for post traumatic growth, I have high hopes he'll be okay.

Also, I'm pretty certain he doesn't do porn. Partly due to his own moral code, partly due to the lack of actual ways to do so.

Thank you, that's amazing, you're a good person. There aren't many who would take in a teenager. He sounds like a good kid

Your son is not actually confused, I can assure you. Everyone my age and especially the men are aware of this

[–] RisingUp 27 points Edited

do people still ask before choking a new partner

It’s the “still” that gets me. 😭

Yeah, like how was she going to respond if people said “naw, you’re so off-trend. Randomly strangling a new hookup is totally okay! Hello, this is 2022! Stop kink shaming him, you misandrist prude!!”??

Was she just gonna say “oh, my bad. I didn’t mean to be such a kinkphobe and misandrist! I’ll apologize and do better, I promise! I’ll be prepared next time and not ruin everything!” ? 🤦🏻‍♀️

She’s halfway already saying that

Yes, she sure is. It’s terrifying that she actually APOLOGIZED to this abusive scrote and feels guilty! Now he knows how easily he can use DARVO on her next time.

Deep down, she knows it’s wrong that he immediately compared “fairly normal” mutual touching with the act of strangulation.

And the media wonders why more and more straight women just want to stay single forever.

It's unbelievable to me that strangling is so normalized. It was not really a thing at all when I was still dating. Anal had started to become something some people did, and there were fringe people who were into BDSM but that was very focused on "good, giving and game" and all about consent and safe words and all of that.

But I remember talking to a friend whose bf wanted to try anal, and how I told her I was glad the guy I was with was not curious about it bc it did not sound interesting to me at all. I don't remember talking to anyone who was getting strangled though, and reading about that has always been shocking to me. I really am amazed how quickly things go from being super extreme to practically expected... I guess when I was young it was oral sex that had become "normalized" when at one time it had been considered demeaning

She waited two months to bring it up and instantly apologized when she was not at fault, because some part of her knew that there is a very real chance he will choke (strangle) her in retaliation.

Goddammit. I want to believe male victims of SA but this shit is so fucking common with them I just don’t. I just can’t. They lie and exaggerate about it demonstrably so much and so consistently.

I barely know anybody and even I have a story like this.

Ah yes, the age old dilemma

Should a man confirm consent before assaulting a woman during intimacy?

So hard to know the correct answer, everyone is different

I hope an overwhelming number of the comments told her to leave this asshole.

Nope. Most comments I saw didn't tell her to leave him but at least there were a lot that condemned his actions and some that talked about DARVO. Unfortunately also a lot that just told her to have a talk with him about boundaries... as if that's going to work with a guy who reacts like this to her expressing fear. Many were also sort of agreeing with him, saying that what he did was wrong but she is also wrong for not getting his consent

I feel so bad for young women who still want a partner. Things were bad enough when I was young and I came of age during that halcyon period where we thought things were going to get better. How on earth young women should or even could navigate this is beyond me.

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