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My pet theory is actually that men as a whole are actually bad at sexing people correctly and get fooled easily because each time the topic of trans people came up IRL, men found basically all trans dudes who shaved, wore make-up and feminine clothing passing. They were also really panicked and disgusted at the idea of "accidentally" sleeping with them. I once told a group of men discussing this at work that it could never happen, because they would notice it AT LEAST when they were in bed, they all assured me that nowadays you couldn't tell the difference. (off topic, but it's also a stunning example of mansplaining, as I told them I had seen many photos of the procedure and the end result did NOT look like female genitalia, and they maintained that, even though they'd never seen them themselves, they just knew that it could be done convincingly)

This, imo, explains why so many TiMs are convinced that they pass. To them too, make-up, shaving, and feminine clothing = female. The women in their life see this and know that they want to be called women, so they do it out of politeness - or out of fear they'll be fired. And thus the TiM cry: "everyone treats me as a woman !!!"

my pet theory is actually that men as a whole are actually bad at sexing people correctly and get fooled easily

That became my theory too after my boyfriend fall for a very obvious male in disguise in a movie. "Darling, that's not a woman" "Wha- really?!"