56

29 comments

As a parent who stood up to my kid and the mental health professionals/educators/social workers who worked really hard to attempt to break me, forgive me, but she made her bed. If the only way you define support is doing what someone else says, even your kid, you are a moron.

I didn't stand up to the trans nonsense because I wanted to put my kid through hell or control her. I did it because I knew she was attempting to escape facing her mental health issues and, more than likely, attempting to figure out her sexuality. She's now mostly mad that I won't be all close and let my boundaries down around her, but she did her level best to break me, so she doesn't get to be super-close any more. That's to protect ME. I deserve some peace and at this time, that means that she has to figure out her life without me, generally speaking.

And, well, I told her THAT, too. I told her she was putting her faith and trust in people who would not be sticking around, but I was kind of contractually obligated, at least until she was chronologically an adult. I told her she was going to find out that no matter how much you attempt to escape it, everywhere you turn, there you are. I told her that it was possible to push even your own mother who loves you too far. But, to her, I was a moron and she got a LOT of adults to believe her lies that I hated her and wanted to destroy her and that I was the one who was looking for validation and using them for my own purposes.

And that is why she lives across the country and I limit most of our interactions to shallow and unimportant small talk. She wanted to destroy herself and because I wouldn't let her, she tried to destroy ME. Until THIS mother gets a little self-respect and tells her son to fuck off, she's going to be twisting in the wind forever and getting nothing in return but heartache.

[–] spaghettiforhair LiTeRaLlYvIoLeNt 13 points

I came out as non-binary to my mom a few years ago. I begged and cried and screamed to go on puberty blockers because I insisted I was trans, but really I just wanted to escape having my body sexualized and objectified. I hated her for the longest time and it wasn't until recently that I understood she was protecting me from a dangerous genderwoo culture that medicalizes kids and from myself. My relationship with my mom over the past year or so has gotten to a point I never thought it would, and I never even realized how much I missed her because I was constantly being told that she was "abusive." It's hard to make any predictions on your own daughter, but I hope she comes around too.

Thank you hellmomzilla. Truly, thank you. I’ve been struggling with my adult child and questioning my own feelings about just having had enough abuse. Reading your post really, really helped me see that my feelings of self protection aren’t wrong.

I'm so sorry for your struggles. I hope you find some peace and happiness.

Thank you. I’m sorry for yours. That’s the thing that was making me feel bad. After decades of trauma I’m finally accepting my losses and possibly able to live for the first time since I was a child myself. Its good but it is very strange.

Your post was one of those little gifts of synchronicity that life sends you sometimes. Good luck with your daughter. I do know the experience of a child trying to destroy and it is devastating.

Hugs, Hella. I am wishing that in the future, your daughter will figure this all out and tell you thank you.

no matter how much you attempt to escape it, everywhere you turn, there you are

This so much. Wherever you go, there you are. I'm so tired of seeing parents who enable their children, it's really frustrating to watch. Like idk how you can be a parent when you're constantly worried about hurting your CHILD's feelings. Everyone seems to think their goal as a parent is to be their child's best friend and it's not, it's to prepare them for life.

I don’t blame the parents except in clear cases where there is evidence of extreme narcissism. They are trying to make the best decisions for their child. Everything they Google will tell them that their child is at imminent risk of suicide if they don’t act soon. Their doctors and friends will support that as well. Trusted professional physician and advocacy organizations will present tons of “evidence” backing all those viewpoints up. It’s not fair or realistic to expect most well-meaning parents to be researchers with extensive literature review skills or endocrinologists. I’m sure that the vast majority of them had some inkling that it wouldn’t be safe to give hormones to children, but how are they supposed to act when all the sources they are supposed to be able to trust tell them otherwise?

I cannot find it in my heart to blame most of them. I feel very bad for them and I feel terrible for their children. This is a medical scandal and the feet lies squarely at the blame of the organizations and the butcher doctors who are supposed to know better. They are the ones who are supposed to have research skills. They are the ones who are supposed to evaluate clinical evidence. They are the ones who were trusted and they have let thousands of children in their families down in the worst possible way. When the lawsuits start pouring in, I hope they lose their licenses forever.

I mean come on, adults have suddenly started believing that boy children can be turned into girl children with drugs and surgeries? And this will, in the long run, be better than not altering your child with drugs and surgeries? For no medically necessary reason?

I know it’s crazy. It’s absolutely fucking crazy that the Mayo Clinic and Harvard and the ACLU and children’s physicians and school teachers and friends and family, many of whom are highly educated, are saying that it’s OK and that it’s the best thing to do for the child. It’s absolutely fucking crazy. What is not crazy to me is that a parent who wants to do right by their child would make the mistake of listening to those trusted sources. I can 100% see how that would happen and I don’t blame the parents at all for it.

[–] Kevina 2 points Edited

I think they deserve some of the blame. Never before have children needed hormones and surgeries and now suddenly they MUST have them and it's a literal life or death situation? Doctors love doing hinky shit and they like making $, so you cant rely on them to look out for you. Trans is a cash cow for doctors and clinics especially now that government is starting to pay for it. Have a perfectly healthy kid that's not bringing in any cash? Trans! And they're teaching kids how to manipulate their parents into letting them get these idiotic procedures. At some point you have to question the soundness of all this. I'd be on at least 5 routine medications by now if I took all the medications that doctors have pushed at me over the years (some of whom are no longer available because of their ill effects). Idk, I just don't see how anyone could be taken in by the idea that you can chemically and surgically change a child's sex. It. is. Insane.

I actually sorta feel for this parent. Many of us will fail to protect our children from a danger we can’t see, and when the entire medical establishment is pushing something like this it erodes trust in authorities. Parents should be able to listen to doctors.

The kid is right, but I feel for them both.

[–] [Deleted] 8 points Edited

Sure, they should be able to listen to doctors. But when your doctor is telling you to put your son on HRT because he is a girl, despite his penis, well... maybe don't listen.

I don't have really any sympathy at all for her or any parent who just went along. It's child abuse to do this to a kid. People abuse kids out of stupidity all the time-- doesn't make it OK.

It doesn’t make it ok. But when these people can invoke the authority of Harvard Medical School, many people just don’t have the inclination or the ability to challenge that kind of thing effectively. And that shouldn’t leave their kids prey to vultures masquerading as medical professionals.

I always come back to Joe Kennedy lobotomizing his daughter. The Kennedys were told it was a great option by the medical community too. It solved the problem of Rosemary's problematic sexuality, woo hoo! Sound familiar?

It was still (IMHO) criminal what they did to Rosemary, and should have been treated that way. Of course shoving an icepick through your daughter's face and into her brain with no real plan but to damage her frontal lobes is going to hurt her. What did they expect? It doesn't matter how you dress it up, it's intentional harm.

This is the same. This is objectively abuse, and it should be treated that way. It is harm to alter a child's body to stop puberty, or to induce permanent cross sex features in them by use of hormonal medications. This is being done intentionally-- it's the whole point. These parents know exactly what they are doing. That they are deluded about whether or not it constitutes harm is beside the point-- that is the role of the law and society to correct this on behalf of the poor children, who are the victims of the abuse.

The parents are not victims here; they are the abettors of the abuse. As is the medical community, who should also be facing criminal liability IMHO. More liability than the parents-- I agree with you there-- but letting parents off the hook here is like saying they are not involved in perpetuating the abuse. They are.

I don't see this as Munchausen or narcissism. I see this as collateral damage for both mom and son due to the insane capture of institutions under this belief system.

[–] Inez 14 points

I can't comment on the particular situation above, but the affirmation only model has been made law here. Therapists can only affirm. Parents cannot refuse consent/treatment. This case at the end of 2020, where the 15 year old child was removed from the parents home because they wanted the therapist to look into underlying causes rather than rush into hormone treatment, has terrified a lot of parents. FtM transition then went full-steam ahead in state care. Parents are likely to lose their child whatever they do. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8998207/Transsexual-teenager-removed-parents-judge-rules-parents-abusive.html

Also, this may sound cynical, but from my experience of trans people (of both sexes, but mostly male) everything is always someone else's fault, responsibility, and duty to fix.

WTF is wrong with people?!? Parents think they ARE doing the right thing by supporting their “trans” child because the cult has brainwashed so much of society!

There are going to be a lot of families like this, with kids putting the blame on their parents when they cannot see that their parents were horribly misled by EVERYONE.

I see this idea where if you don’t have the perfect family then you just cut your parents off for not doing everything right. It’s a shallow, self centered view, and sadly it’s one that’s being pushed in therapeutic circles and society at large.

[–] n3847 2 points Edited

"It’s not really your job as a parent to encourage or discourage your child’s gender identity. Your job is to ensure that they have a safe space and access to the resources needed to figure it out for themself."

What the fck are these people talking about? They don't seem to have any concept of what their duty as a parent is. Your job is to protect them from themselves if need be. The TRAs have normalized this to the point where you have dingbat parents acting like this is a "lifestyle". And, they seem to think minors are exactly like adults. This is disturbing as well. You'll see more of this as they push sexualization of minors.

If your kid "identifies" as Kitty Pryde, are you gonna let them run in front of a train or get them to a therapist to find out why they have these irrational thoughts?

At the very least, you should get them help and contradict what they are saying.

The daughter bears some responsibility but ultimately, the duty to stop it was up to the parent.

I think there is a lack of accountability all around.

[–] Chronicity 3 points Edited

I don’t fault the parent for being conned by the cult of gender woo woo, but it does stand out that they seem primarily concerned about the son’s resentment towards them. What about the fact that their son was misdiagnosed and given drugs that may have caused permanent health effects? They are overly focused on the kid’s feelings, which is exactly how they wound up in this mess. The focus should be on the captured medical establishment.

my child resents me for allowing her to go on HRT at 17

I don't know how this posted without my explanation. I love my child and supported him/her. It was hard for me when she came out but I respected her pronouns and so forth. She went on HRT but a year on, she says I should have never allowed her and she wasn't ready. Please excuse my lack of respect with pronouns right now. I'm just very confused. She was to be he again and of course I'll respect that but my child is blaming me for the effects of HRT. I thought supporting my child was the right thing...

Hmm, a bit of a damned if you do damned if you don't situation she had there. Everything these parents hear is to support their kid, they don't get told different. For a lot of them who are normal parents, it just gets sprung on them and they're at the mercy of the info of TRAs and captured institutions.

Good. Your child should. Your child was your responsibility to keep safe. Instead of attempting to, you pushed them into danger.

Load more (2 comments)