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I stopped reading at 1: they’re in a LDR and have never met, and she is terrified of people particularly men. That’s not so much sad as just a waste of my time. I wish her well as much as I wish anyone well, but come on. Whatever she’s doing, it’s not a relationship, with a man or anyone.

This woman is in no fit mental state for any kind of romantic relationship. Dear God.

Image Transcription: Reddit

An agoraphobic, mentally ill cis female and her MTF partner. Help?, posted by u/iloveethrowsaway2022 to r/mypartneristrans

Throw away account.

I feel like my experience will be very different to everyone else's, so I ask that you please read everything in its entirety. I'll be addressing my partner as he/him, since those are still his preferred pronouns. I'm a 28-year-old cis female and my partner is a 38-year-old questioning MTF. We have tried couple's counseling but I don't feel that it's helpful as I've already accepted the fact that he is going to transition and there's nothing I can do about it. I can either break up with him or stay, be supportive, and see how it goes. My partner, who I'll call E, and I have been dating for two years, but have been best friends since I was twenty-three. I love E and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I'm not attracted to women... I think. Before I go any further, there's a few things you need to know:

  1. E and I are in a LDR, and I have never met him in person. I have a plethora of mental and physical health issues, but one of them is extreme agoraphobia. I am absolutely terrified of people, especially men, and haven't left my house in seven years.

  2. E started HRT very quickly. We agreed that he would look into it further before starting, but the doctor offered to write him a prescription on the spot and he accepted immediately. I've tried to discuss cryopreservation, so we could potentially have children in the future, but he hasn't made any effort to do so. I've always been very adamant that I would like to have children, even if I don't want them now. He's open to the idea, but does not want children. Whether we have children or not, I would at least like to have a choice.

  3. Every time I masturbate, I look at "futa" porn. (I know this is a slur and I apologize; however, it's usually animated or drawn, with exaggerated features such as bigger breasts and genitals. It's very rarely porn of actual transwomen.) Even before E and I started dating, and before he came out a few months ago, I could only ever get aroused and reach climax while watching a specific type of pornography. I thought it was possible I'm a lesbian, or at least bisexual, but I am not attracted to vaginas (and am rarely attracted to traditional femininity).

  4. I struggle with my own gender identity, and have since I was a child. I absolutely despise my vagina and wish I had a penis. I envy transwomen for having a penis, and often wish I was a transwoman or a feminine man. I'm not sure if this has anything to do with trauma as a child, but I haven't read anything regarding trauma and gender identity so I'm assuming no.

I love E with all of my heart, and I'm trying my best to be a supportive girlfriend... but I'm so confused. Sometimes I think I'm even more confused than he is. I feel like ever since he started his transition, his journey, I'm on a journey of my own and the only difference is he has a map and I don't.

I know I should get therapy. There's a lot of things that need to be addressed, unrelated to his transition. But I'm just not ready. I just want someone to listen and tell me it's going to be okay... Edit: I'm trying to convey my thoughts as clearly as possible, but It's difficult when I'm upset. I apologize if I said anything offensive.

Jesus. I feel so sorry for this girl. She needs to wake up. What a waste for a 28 year old woman to be spending her time on a 38 year old loser she hasn't even met. By the time she actually wakes up, it could be another 5 years or more.

never met in person?? incompatible desires for children?? childhood trauma and severe mental illness as an adult??

shit gets worse the more you read, literally none of this sounds remotely healthy.

10 year age gap is an immediate no for me. The other things you listed just add to the garbage fire. This woman is too preoccupied with entertaining a man’s fantasy online to prioritize her mental health. I hope she gets the help she needs.

Wow at first I got “futa” mixed up with FUPA (fat upper pubic area). Turned to Google and it said Federal Unemployment Tax Act; took me a good minute until I realized it must be slang/shortening of whatever that anime porn thing is, you know the one

This woman is somehow being enabled to continue her agoraphobia (by people, society). I say this as someone who struggled with this at one point before delivery “everything” existed and I didn’t have support from friends/family where I lived. I was forced to do something about it or else I would have died. Yes, going out was excruciating but I forced myself to do it. It was embarrassing at times but I had no choice. She has the time and energy to carry on a 7 year LDR but won’t work on her own mental health? IMO she’s not ready to have kids. It would be horrible for a child’s development to have a mother who couldn’t ever leave the house.

This man is presumably using her for emotional labour/support (since they are in a relationship having never met in person), and doesn't give a shit about her desire to have children, which means if she ever had children with him she'd end up raising them alone. This woman needs some therapy real bad. But first remove this guy from her life.

This person needs therapy, not a romantic relationship with anyone -- especially someone she's never met (?).

So many issues need urgent attention here...

Yet she claims they went to couples therapy? I understand telemedicine, and it's great, but how did any trained therapist look at her and him, and their situation, and not gently suggest observing the container ship full of red flags in port?! Just turn off the internet and she's free of his nonsense!

Yeah, I read somewhere that more and more therapists these days end up reminding themselves to ask the client whether the client has actually ever met their significant other. Relationships lived out almost entirely in the imagination (with texts and occasional video calls as only forms of contact) have become pretty common. I don't know if it's that I'm old but I don't get how people go on so long without meeting the other person.

[–] [Deleted] Lvl5 Laser Lotus 21 points

Never met in person. And yet is willing to destroy her life by irreversibly hitching herself to a man in a destructive spiral. I pray to god she snaps out of it and gets therapy.

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