12

Basically the title. I've been questioning my sexuality(and making a lot of posts about it) and it's been pointed out to me that this might be the source of my confusion. I'm currently starting the process of getting assessed for autism(just got an email back about it today, yay, I've been anxiously waiting for so long) so I don't know really know if I'm on the spectrum or not, but I would be interested in hearing about the experiences of those who are. Specifically, has it ever caused confusion for you about the nature of your feelings, or about who you're sexually attracted to?

ETA: Has anyone had a certain "special interest" towards a person, like a celebrity and their work, where you would learn all the facts about that person and their work, only want to view this person's work, and be constantly looking for interviews, etc with the person, that you mistook for a romantic crush? How do you think the two differ?

Basically the title. I've been questioning my sexuality(and making a lot of posts about it) and it's been pointed out to me that this might be the source of my confusion. I'm currently starting the process of getting assessed for autism(just got an email back about it today, yay, I've been anxiously waiting for so long) so I don't know really know if I'm on the spectrum or not, but I would be interested in hearing about the experiences of those who are. Specifically, has it ever caused confusion for you about the nature of your feelings, or about who you're sexually attracted to? ETA: Has anyone had a certain "special interest" towards a person, like a celebrity and their work, where you would learn all the facts about that person and their work, only want to view this person's work, and be constantly looking for interviews, etc with the person, that you mistook for a romantic crush? How do you think the two differ?

18 comments

Has anyone had a certain "special interest" towards a person, like a celebrity and their work, where you would learn all the facts about that person and their work, only want to view this person's work, and be constantly looking for interviews, etc with the person, that you mistook for a romantic crush?

Wait...I thought everyone did this. Is this an autism-specific thing? It also might be age-related. I did this in my teens and 20s, but not anymore.

Yeah, I was obsessed with David Bowie as a teen… He was in so many terrible movies, and I’ve seen them all! 😝

...including Yellowbeard where he plays a shark for a cameo appearance of a few seconds?

It seems to be related to the "restrictive/repetitive patterns of behaviour and interests" category in the diagnostic criteria. Obviously everyone does this to a certain extent but I think it's more pronounced amongst autistic people. It also seems to reach more of an obsession level, where it's on your mind constantly and this one narrow topic is all you can think about. It can be quite intense. This is, of course, just what I've heard from people who have been diagnosed and I am making certain assumptions that might be wrong, since I'm not a professional. However, everyone I know who isn't autistic just doesn't seem to do this, or at least not to the extent I do. But I don't know at what point it becomes an "autism thing" and I don't know if maybe it's just a quirk I have, since I haven't been diagnosed. But yeah.

Yes all the time. I identify as straight but sometimes i have strong feelings towards a few women/women fictional characters and i question things. I've put it down to strong ''platonic attraction'', like i would love to be best friends and hang out together and i find her interesting/inspiring. Like a platonic crush almost. I still question it every time it happens but i know i wouldn't have sex with another women or even wanting to romantically date her.

As for sexuality i'm more reserved, if i was in the QT space i think i would have identified as ''asexual'' or ''grey-asexual''. There is stereotype of thinking that autistic people can't/don't have sex which isn't true. We are all different, though i do find a lot of us do lean into being more reserved with sexuality. But that doesn't mean we can't/don't enjoy sex. I hope this helps you!

Yeah, this describes my experience, but with men, although I did like the idea of calling some my boyfriend, but I don't think I would ever want to have sex with them. Some of them I wanted to be very similar to, and I would dress like them and such.

And I think I am sexually reserved. I seem not to be attracted to people very much, but I also know there's a part of me that's very anxious about sex in general, like trying to navigate it.

I think being autistic definitely affects how butch I appear to others as I have short hair and wear “men’s” clothes because it feels comfortable. But I’m the least athletic lesbian ever and o really don’t have any thing all that traditionally “masculine” about me beside short hair, comfortable clothes and no make up/shaving. I do think it affects what I prefer in bed though not so much who (meaning which sex). I do think it makes it hard to understand/believe other women who have a different sexuality.

I feel that so much. Feminine clothes all have these weird uncomfortable fabrics and cling to you in uncomfortable ways. I've always hated the sensation of having makeup on my face, it just feels so heavy, sticky, and gloopy. I can't move freely in feminine clothing or makeup, though I suppose that's normal because that is what those things are supposed to do. I have to cut all the tags off my clothes, too.

I do think it affects what I prefer in bed though not so much who (meaning which sex).

I imagine it would, though I wouldn't really know since I've never been intimate with anyone. Difficulties with sensory regulation would most probably have an impact on the ways one might prefer to be touched, etc, just like it impacts the clothes one likes to wear.

I do think it makes it hard to understand/believe other women who have a different sexuality.

Interesting. If you don't mind my asking, do you think it's the difficulty with putting yourself in their shoes, or with establishing connection, or something else?

I should clarify it’s really just purely heterosexual women I have a hard time understanding/believing. I don’t care enough about men to consider what they may be feeling. I actually didn’t think men had feelings at all when I was younger. I think it’s mainly perspective taking. Because at least with bi women I can understand partly where they are coming from as they have an attraction to women still but I just can’t wrap my mind around a woman being attracted to men but not women at all. I also feel like I haven’t ever met a truly heterosexual woman or at least any “heterosexual” woman I’ve known well enough to talk about sex things with has expressed attraction to women as well. The opposite is not true if homosexual women so it seems a bit “sus” as they say. I do think it’s possible there are really heterosexual women and I just haven’t met any, and I don’t mean to discount what people women say about their sexuality but to be honest I find it hard to believe especially without evidence.

I was a late bloomer.

I was taken advantage of easily/ended up in a lot of bad situations because I was very young for my age/naive.

My main issue was not having good guidelines on how to tell whether a relationship (of any kind) was a good idea or not. I found some good self-help books that made a big difference, in particular Mars and Venus on a Date (the five stages, not the Mars/Venus part) and Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay.

Most of the problems I've had were due to abuse rather than naivety/autism. The naivety and social isolation just exacerbated my issues and made it hard to find support (they still do).

Yes I think I could relate. I would have special interest in celebs and certain people in weird way.

I would say that my crushes often quickly become special interests, rather than them being two totally different things (obviously not the case when the special interest is a topic lol). This has led to me being overly attached too quickly and for too long, and it probably looks a little creepy from the other person’s perspective.

it probably looks a little creepy from the other person’s perspective.

Lol, definitely. I'm thankful I've never had this about a person in real life...

Haha, yeah. I can’t really help it, I just get swept away by the feeling. Fortunately I get better at hiding it as I get older.

I've had an obsession about the same band since I was 14, it's like I think about them constantly and everything is about them. I might have at one point had a crush on the lead singer. People around me seem to think this is weird, but like you said I just can't help it.