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I read a reddit thread a couple of months ago from a woman who was trying to discern if her doctor's behavior during visits was inappropriate. It turned out it most likely was, both in my opinion and the group's opinion, but some of the things written on the thread, especially about how a doctor is supposed to make you feel comfortable when you are undressed/vulnerable rather than ashamed of your vulnerability, made me realize my childhood experience might have been abnormal.

When I shared that experience with my cousin because of the thread, she was extremely upset for me and made a much bigger deal out of it than I ever thought to do personally. It's been bothering me because I don't feel like I have anyone I can ask about the topic without making them react like my cousin. I need to ask an uninvolved third party so here I am.

I don't want to create any fetish material for our lurking TIMs, and don't want you to either if you can offer a perspective. Essentially I'm asking mothers here what exactly a normal pediatric exam entails, specifically for girls age 3 or 4 to 6. If you'd be willing to PM me I would appreciate it, please feel free to check my history and know I'm legit even if I'm often disagreeable. I might come back to you with detailed questions if you have the time and indicate you're willing to answer them.

Thank you very much for any help you can offer. My pediatrician is long dead so even if it was inappropriate it's kind of a moot point, I just want closure and not to feel so unsure that what I experienced was abnormal.

Thank you all again for being here especially as I dont have much of a group of Women to call upon in person, helps a lot to even be able to ask for help sometimes.

I read a reddit thread a couple of months ago from a woman who was trying to discern if her doctor's behavior during visits was inappropriate. It turned out it most likely was, both in my opinion and the group's opinion, but some of the things written on the thread, especially about how a doctor is supposed to make you feel comfortable when you are undressed/vulnerable rather than ashamed of your vulnerability, made me realize my childhood experience might have been abnormal. When I shared that experience with my cousin because of the thread, she was extremely upset for me and made a much bigger deal out of it than I ever thought to do personally. It's been bothering me because I don't feel like I have anyone I can ask about the topic without making them react like my cousin. I need to ask an uninvolved third party so here I am. I don't want to create any fetish material for our lurking TIMs, and don't want you to either if you can offer a perspective. Essentially I'm asking mothers here what exactly a normal pediatric exam entails, specifically for girls age 3 or 4 to 6. If you'd be willing to PM me I would appreciate it, please feel free to check my history and know I'm legit even if I'm often disagreeable. I might come back to you with detailed questions if you have the time and indicate you're willing to answer them. Thank you very much for any help you can offer. My pediatrician is long dead so even if it was inappropriate it's kind of a moot point, I just want closure and not to feel so unsure that what I experienced was abnormal. Thank you all again for being here especially as I dont have much of a group of Women to call upon in person, helps a lot to even be able to ask for help sometimes.

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A normal regular well visit exam today in my experience as a mom is discussing development questions, getting any referrals to a specialist if needed. Includes looking in ears, eyes, and mouth. Checking their height, weight, and spine. Usually a brief check of genitals for labial adhesions in girls and testicle issues in boys, which should be less than 10-30 seconds and always asking for permission and explaining what is being looked for imo. And always in front of parents. Always, always. And then any updates on vaccines. I have 4 kids, 2 girls and 2 boys, and I feel like I'm at the doctor's office constantly, feel free to message me if you have questions or anything.

I'm really sorry you've gone through something that may be upsetting. I've been there, reading between the lines, although my issue was family related.

Thank you very much for the reply. PMing you eventually I promise, just feeling a little queasy about it

Hey, I cannot really offer any help but I wanted to comment my support and hopefully get some attention on your question so someone more knowledgable than I can answer. I think it is absolutely reasonable to seek closure for this esp since you mentioned your cousin seemed to have a reaction you did not understand. Good luck!

Not sure what country you are in but there should be publicly available guidelines from your national paediatric organisation. It may also have guidelines for the specific reasons you had to see the dr. That should give you an idea of the standard assessments for that age range and the type of testing required.

Best of luck finding the answers you need

US and thank you. I looked, and it seems like a good part of it was fairly inappropriate and part was normal. That helps I think. I think I still need to talk to a doctor or NP or current mother to clarify something.

Thank you again for the advice I really appreciate it very much

Not a mom so I can't be of much help! Just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear that you've had this kind of revelation and I just want to make sure you know that whatever you feel about it is OK - if you feel like other people make a bigger deal out of it than you do and it makes you uncomfortable, know that you don't necessarily have to be upset or disturbed at all, if you so wish. It doesn't mean you're accepting it as OK, it just means that sometimes that's how our mind works to get by in the world.

If you don't find the answers you need elsewhere, there should be a patient liaison service where you live, they might be able to help. They aren't just for making complaints.

I don't think I can help answer your question, but I also wanted to comment my support.

I'm sorry this happened to you. It takes strength and courage to confront these kinds of experiences, and I hope you're getting support and taking excellent care of yourself while you work through this.

I can't be much help here but I hope you are okay OP, I wish you the best xx