32

and so much other unhelpful advice.

How about

DEMAND employers/society/families/communities support nursing/pumping.

This way, women who are able to breastfeed can maintain or even increase supply, leaving more formula for those who can’t”

or other actual solutions

There have always been and will always be women who cannot breastfeed.

However, this issue is much more common than in the past or in societies where there is more maternal support and/or a better set up for nursing.

There may be more ‘women only’ zones, more acceptance, more help with other tasks. Less sexualization and stigma that ‘boobs are fun-bags for men’, or ‘you will ruin your tits’. Even some women I knew would get ‘grossed out’ if I nursed around them despite me being covered.

It’s just something I thought about every time I got engorged. Each time it spoke to a nursing barrier of some sort.

Why did I feel pressured to feed my son in a restroom? Why can’t I nurse my daughter until the playdate is over because my squeamish female friend gets weirded out. Where did she learn that breastfeeding is gross but she should wear low cut blouses to not be a frumpy mom who ‘let herself go’? (The worst kind apparently). Why did she believe her size C breasts were too small and she needed implants to be sexy? Why isn’t there a place in the mall for me to nurse? Why do I have to be nervous about pervs and other people’s comments nursing in public? Why am i worried about people being offended or uncomfortable? Why is the security guard standing there to make sure I don’t nurse my baby at this secluded bench I found under the stairs? (happened!!!🤬) Why did I have to work through the time I carved out at my job to pump? If we are busy, looks like he is making money and needs to hire someone else. Why am I too tired to pump because someone left the dishes for me?

Admittedly, by the 4th baby I was not gonna care what people thought, but why should I ever have had to care? What about first time or younger moms? I wasn’t born resilient, and certainly wasn’t so in my 20’s. I had to learn this

Why is there a stigma on ‘Cross nursing’? When close friends or closely related women will nurse each other’s babies. It is not dirty or sexual. It would boost the immune advantages to both babies and make their biomes more robust. It would help women who have lower supply. It would help conserve formula for women who have no supply.

I really think breast milk is part of why women evolved to more intimately work together. The woman who has no supply issues will increase her amount to help the baby of the woman who makes less. Meanwhile, The woman who makes less milk can help with chores and keeping older children safe. Mutual benefit and improved survival of all offspring involved. Darwinism favors this

and so much other unhelpful advice. How about DEMAND employers/society/families/communities support nursing/pumping. This way, women who are able to breastfeed can maintain or even increase supply, leaving more formula for those who can’t” or other actual solutions There have always been and will always be women who cannot breastfeed. However, this issue is much more common than in the past or in societies where there is more maternal support and/or a better set up for nursing. There may be more ‘women only’ zones, more acceptance, more help with other tasks. Less sexualization and stigma that ‘boobs are fun-bags for men’, or ‘you will ruin your tits’. Even some women I knew would get ‘grossed out’ if I nursed around them despite me being covered. It’s just something I thought about every time I got engorged. Each time it spoke to a nursing barrier of some sort. Why did I feel pressured to feed my son in a restroom? Why can’t I nurse my daughter until the playdate is over because my squeamish female friend gets weirded out. Where did she learn that breastfeeding is gross but she should wear low cut blouses to not be a frumpy mom who ‘let herself go’? (The worst kind apparently). Why did she believe her size C breasts were too small and she needed implants to be sexy? Why isn’t there a place in the mall for me to nurse? Why do I have to be nervous about pervs and other people’s comments nursing in public? Why am i worried about people being offended or uncomfortable? Why is the security guard standing there to make sure I don’t nurse my baby at this secluded bench I found under the stairs? (happened!!!🤬) Why did I have to work through the time I carved out at my job to pump? If we are busy, looks like he is making money and needs to hire someone else. Why am I too tired to pump because someone left the dishes for me? Admittedly, by the 4th baby I was not gonna care what people thought, but why should I ever have had to care? What about first time or younger moms? I wasn’t born resilient, and certainly wasn’t so in my 20’s. I had to learn this Why is there a stigma on ‘Cross nursing’? When close friends or closely related women will nurse each other’s babies. It is not dirty or sexual. It would boost the immune advantages to both babies and make their biomes more robust. It would help women who have lower supply. It would help conserve formula for women who have no supply. I really think breast milk is part of why women evolved to more intimately work together. The woman who has no supply issues will increase her amount to help the baby of the woman who makes less. Meanwhile, The woman who makes less milk can help with chores and keeping older children safe. Mutual benefit and improved survival of all offspring involved. Darwinism favors this

28 comments

I love everything you’ve said. Men say they value family and mothers and children but the way mothers and children get treated puts the lie to that. Whether breastfeeding or formula feeding mothers and infants need to be together and supported during infancy.

What surprised me is that female friends of yours were uncomfortable/disgusted by breastfeeding. That just doesn’t compute to me.

I know a woman who didn’t breastfeed because she was hoping she would get some damned help if she formula fed because it would not all be on her.

Nope. There she was exhausted and hubby still came up with reasons he couldn’t help

I wonder where the critical mass is where women figure out that as long as we have resources that men really aren’t adding that much to our lives. Not even the Nigels.

That's when you pack the baby up and leave until he pulls his head out of his ass.

I wonder

Her job required her to wear skimpy revealing outfits. Many in her industry have breast implants. She likely just bought into the objectification

My husbands family was from Europe. So the only time I was furtive about breastfeeding was with my brother and brother in law. This was for my comfort as neither would have cared and my brother is now married to a woman who wals around the grocery store nursing

Times are also different

For the life of me I can’t figure out why people are so uptight about breastfeeding and breastfeeding in public. For starters most women are covered by the blanket and any woman in the vicinity would help the mom if the baby was wiggling and the blanket was in danger of falling off.

Leave it to the patriarchy to be stupid.

  1. Is the female breast really such a mystery? Breasts are on display all around us.

  2. Breastfeeding and the love between mother and baby is the closest any of us come to unconditional love. Even that is a golden age. Men are confused because on the one had they’ve cultivated the pornification of society complete with the degradation and hatred of women to a shocking degree. Then you have the mother-infant dyad long believed to be one of the purities of human experience and depicted in art as such for centuries. Men are all like we can’t figure out the dirty thing and can’t fundamentally tell the difference between love and hate because? Boobies! Dirty boobies. It must be bad but choking a woman is good and normal and should be taught to school children.

No wonder we have to be brainwashed and live in denial.

It’s so sad.

Nobody can deny that mothers have to fight internalizing it.

Funny scene from ‘Friends’

Joey was horrified to walk in and find Carol (Ross’s ex wife) nursing her baby

Ross:Joey, c’mon. It’s one of the most beautiful things in nature

Joey: I know!, and there’s a BABY hanging off of it

Why is the security guard standing there to make sure I don’t nurse my baby at this secluded bench I found under the stairs? (happened!!!🤬)

People have straight up forgotten that humans are placental mammals... sometimes I'm shocked when I remember the lowest percentage of breastfeeding ever in america was like, 1975? Or somewhere around there...

It was crazy.

If I told you what city I was in you would loose your mind

Hint:boobs everywhere, implanted and showcased. But, gross, there is a baby on it

Yes. With abortion rights being stripped away, US feminists need to also be shouting about proper maternity leave.

I'm sorry you've had such shitty experiences of breastfeeding in public. I refuse to use a cover while out and about and the only person who's ever seemed flustered was a nun! But also from an older generation and I wasn't upset as she seemed nervous on my behalf.

Seeing women like you helped me greatly!

We don’t realize that these small acts of activism help normalize it and pave the way for other women

I can't claim it as activism. The cover was one thing too many to wrestle with in the early days, and it was so hot just the thought of it made me feel faint! But if someone else saw me and felt braver as a result, that's a good side effect.

Yes, the concept of "milk siblings" is alive and well in some cultures. And milk siblings are not allowed to marry, even!

The cross-nursing thing makes so much sense! We've had wet nurses throughout history, so at what point did it become unacceptable?

My belief is it started when companies found out they could make money on it

My grandmother was told by her doctor that she ‘looked like’ someone who would have trouble nursing

Science was revered and hadn’t been around long enough for people to see how flat it fell.

The ‘modern woman’ had transcended breastfeeding.

The word ‘formula’ also sounds like it’s perfectly crafted by man. As opposed to breast milk which is literally perfectly crafted by woman.

?!?

When society became more mobile and women started having fewer babies. There wasn't always a relative around who was also breastfeeding who could do this.

The "modern woman" would not be possible if having children meant women staying geographically close to their family unit so there could be collective breastfeeding. Absent some sort of egalitarian utopian society like Star Trek where people don't need to work, the demand that women breastfeed, and be available to friends/relatives to breastfeed their children as well, is a recipe for patriarchy as women become financially dependent on men. Sneer at formula all you want, but you're ignoring 1) the hundreds of thousands of babies that died before safe formula was available and 2) the freedom that women gained by not having to be the sole source of food for infants.

Is this in the US? This is all so wrong! Do archaic!!! I was/am extremely lucky. I breastfeed everywhere and have not had any unpleasant experiences. I go to a "mother-child center" which is just a house full of toys where moms can get together and drink a coff while the babies play. Whenever someone puts a boob out no one bats an eyelash!

My kids are teens now. I did notice a difference between the oldest and the youngest. May have been just that I stopped caring and got rid of my toxic friend

Agreed.

I didn't have problems nursing in public (I'd just find a corner and use a cover), but I had a ton of supply issues. Thankfully, there's a free breastfeeding support group near me, and that got me through the supply troubles eventually, but not long after, I had to go back to work, and I simply could not maintain my supply while working. I didn't have paid leave, and I didn't qualify for FMLA, so my time off was very limited.

I’m sorry. It’s awesome you tried and succeeded but it would not have been such a fight with better support at work.