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edited now.:

Because it's embarrassing to have things like that public for me, but I want to say thank you to all of you. It probably seems impersonal to not respond individually and I'm sorry for that. I feel genuine support from women here, all over this site, and I couldn't be happier this place exists, I don't know where I'd go or what I'd do. Thanks to mods and admins as well for keep this place going. Women everywhere are very important to me and I feel sisterhood even for those who dislike me or feel I'm against them. I want a different life and a less painful body and I can't get that if I just give up. I really appreciate each and every one of you and all of your suggestions and willingness to help. i dont think I'll ever be able to go through with y'know what, because if I do, I'll feel like the men who've hurt me and caused the majority if not all of this pain, will have won. And I have too much rightful anger to fight against that and for all of use who have been harmed as well. again I appreciate and love all of you and thanks again because I tried so many apps, sites, and irl people last night and had no responses whatsoever. I don't mean "small responses I didn't like/didn't help", I mean actually zero responses. you're all wonderful.

edited now.: Because it's embarrassing to have things like that public for me, but I want to say thank you to all of you. It probably seems impersonal to not respond individually and I'm sorry for that. I feel genuine support from women here, all over this site, and I couldn't be happier this place exists, I don't know where I'd go or what I'd do. Thanks to mods and admins as well for keep this place going. Women everywhere are very important to me and I feel sisterhood even for those who dislike me or feel I'm against them. I want a different life and a less painful body and I can't get that if I just give up. I really appreciate each and every one of you and all of your suggestions and willingness to help. i dont think I'll ever be able to go through with y'know what, because if I do, I'll feel like the men who've hurt me and caused the majority if not all of this pain, will have won. And I have too much rightful anger to fight against that and for all of use who have been harmed as well. again I appreciate and love all of you and thanks again because I tried so many apps, sites, and irl people last night and had no responses whatsoever. I don't mean "small responses I didn't like/didn't help", I mean actually *zero* responses. you're all wonderful.

12 comments

Legopants - first of all, I love your username, even though I imagine pants made of Lego would suck road.

I obviously don't know you and/or your life, yet I am very certain that the world is better with you in it.

Being in pain, like you seem to be, is awful. The way I understand the US, where I assume you live, it's impossible to get (mental) health care unless you are very wealthy, right? However, every doctor can prescribe antidepressants. 100 pills of Lexapro 10 mg in Germany, when paid out of pocket, cost around 11 euro, so I'm assuming, it would be about the same. ADs will not cure you or make your life great, but they may help you with this pain and put you in a position in which you will not only be able to come up with further plans but also help you to put those plans into action.

A person i love very much once told me, that her only reason to carry on in such a situation was that she didn't want to die unhappily. It made a lot of sense. She was a mess, frankly. The ADs kicked in fast, the first weeks were worse, because the drive returned while she was still super sad, but after about three weeks, she was capable of remembering stuff she liked doing and things kind of came together. I would not call her a ray of sunshine, but she is moderately happy.

Legopants, I'm sending you warmth and wishes of peace. I really hope you will give us (the world) one more chance and consider ADs. Because it's better with you.