Because it's embarrassing to have things like that public for me, but I want to say thank you to all of you. It probably seems impersonal to not respond individually and I'm sorry for that. I feel genuine support from women here, all over this site, and I couldn't be happier this place exists, I don't know where I'd go or what I'd do. Thanks to mods and admins as well for keep this place going. Women everywhere are very important to me and I feel sisterhood even for those who dislike me or feel I'm against them. I want a different life and a less painful body and I can't get that if I just give up. I really appreciate each and every one of you and all of your suggestions and willingness to help. i dont think I'll ever be able to go through with y'know what, because if I do, I'll feel like the men who've hurt me and caused the majority if not all of this pain, will have won. And I have too much rightful anger to fight against that and for all of use who have been harmed as well. again I appreciate and love all of you and thanks again because I tried so many apps, sites, and irl people last night and had no responses whatsoever. I don't mean "small responses I didn't like/didn't help", I mean actually zero responses. you're all wonderful.