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I finally was able to go through with this. I am still a young woman, but I have adenomyosis and endometriosis. I am infertile. I have had two chemical pregnancy miscarriages that I don’t even bother mentioning anymore. I have lived in high levels of pain every day since my mid twenties, had 3 major surgeries to try and clean up the endometriosis, the last of which was pretty darn successful. But my uterus is diseased. It’s big and “boggy” instead of small, firm, and smooth. It had a large blood blister on the surface of it during my last big surgery that the surgeons said they had never seen before.

I’m exhausted. I’ve had to beg, fight, and scream to get the care I’ve had so far, no one took me seriously for years. Now without hormonal suppression I am getting my periods every 15-20 days for 6-7 days at a time, they are unbelievably heavy, clotted, and painful beyond belief. Luckily I am on progesterone to suppress them because I literally couldn’t live like that anymore, I was anemic and had low iron stores in my bones to make more blood cells, never mind the social/physical difficulty of heavily bleeding 50% of the time.

Today I went to the appointment I have waited since January for. The doctor spent an hour and 15 minutes with me, more time than probably all my other appointments combined through my life about Endo. I cried about my pain, I cried about how tired I am, I cried about giving up the miracle organ that is a uterus. But I’m going to do it. I can’t live in pain anymore. The surgeon told me when she saw my uterus last time she immediately wanted to remove it. That was 4 years ago and I’m done.

Goodbye uterus, thanks for not a goddamned thing.

I finally was able to go through with this. I am still a young woman, but I have adenomyosis and endometriosis. I am infertile. I have had two chemical pregnancy miscarriages that I don’t even bother mentioning anymore. I have lived in high levels of pain every day since my mid twenties, had 3 major surgeries to try and clean up the endometriosis, the last of which was pretty darn successful. But my uterus is diseased. It’s big and “boggy” instead of small, firm, and smooth. It had a large blood blister on the surface of it during my last big surgery that the surgeons said they had never seen before. I’m exhausted. I’ve had to beg, fight, and scream to get the care I’ve had so far, no one took me seriously for years. Now without hormonal suppression I am getting my periods every 15-20 days for 6-7 days at a time, they are unbelievably heavy, clotted, and painful beyond belief. Luckily I am on progesterone to suppress them because I literally couldn’t live like that anymore, I was anemic and had low iron stores in my bones to make more blood cells, never mind the social/physical difficulty of heavily bleeding 50% of the time. Today I went to the appointment I have waited since January for. The doctor spent an hour and 15 minutes with me, more time than probably all my other appointments combined through my life about Endo. I cried about my pain, I cried about how tired I am, I cried about giving up the miracle organ that is a uterus. But I’m going to do it. I can’t live in pain anymore. The surgeon told me when she saw my uterus last time she immediately wanted to remove it. That was 4 years ago and I’m done. Goodbye uterus, thanks for not a goddamned thing.

27 comments

I feel this. I almost never hear women talk about painful, heavy and FREQUENT periods. They are so debilitating--I have them too. I hope the hyso gives you the relief you need.

I’m so sorry you are going through that. Mine only became erratic in the past year or two, before that they were 28 days like clockwork. I couldn’t do it. Do you have any plans to try and suppress them? I even got so tired of the smell of blood and going through endless pads. And my poor skin 😭 the blood ate away at it. Maybe you are luckier and can wear tampons? Hugs to you

I suppressed it with continuous BCP for about a decade but that really hurt my mental state. I have a more resilient mental state without birth control pills, even with all the pain--I can hold a spark of hope that my feelings will change, whereas they never changed on continuous BCPs. I avoid wearing tampons if I can help it (sometimes certain clothes demand them, but I'll avoid going out most of the time if I can) because they make the pain of all the menstrual stuff and my interstitial cystitis worse; but, as you know, constant pads feel awful and like diapers, plus the smell. I'm not brave enough yet to get a hysto--I worry about the side effects and whether I'd even feel better enough for it to be worth it with my other health problems.

I'm glad you've gotten to that point of clarity and I hope it brings you some peace. Make sure you can arrange some support while you recover, even if it is just you helping out the future-you with frozen meals and clean laundry. I didn't have a lot of support from others after my endometriosis excision, but I did everything I could to help myself and that turned out to be enough.

Honestly I feel awful on hormones too, i have found progesterone only to be more bearable after the first few months of feeling bad. I was super desperate to go on it in the first place though, I was so sick I was at like 20% functioning. If you ever get that desperate it might be worth a try, I have found it less emotionally/mentally destabilizing. My spouse will help me. My excision was the worst experience I’ve ever had, I might even ask to be kept overnight this time. I did order meal kits and made a few premade things.