I finally was able to go through with this. I am still a young woman, but I have adenomyosis and endometriosis. I am infertile. I have had two chemical pregnancy miscarriages that I don’t even bother mentioning anymore. I have lived in high levels of pain every day since my mid twenties, had 3 major surgeries to try and clean up the endometriosis, the last of which was pretty darn successful. But my uterus is diseased. It’s big and “boggy” instead of small, firm, and smooth. It had a large blood blister on the surface of it during my last big surgery that the surgeons said they had never seen before.
I’m exhausted. I’ve had to beg, fight, and scream to get the care I’ve had so far, no one took me seriously for years. Now without hormonal suppression I am getting my periods every 15-20 days for 6-7 days at a time, they are unbelievably heavy, clotted, and painful beyond belief. Luckily I am on progesterone to suppress them because I literally couldn’t live like that anymore, I was anemic and had low iron stores in my bones to make more blood cells, never mind the social/physical difficulty of heavily bleeding 50% of the time.
Today I went to the appointment I have waited since January for. The doctor spent an hour and 15 minutes with me, more time than probably all my other appointments combined through my life about Endo. I cried about my pain, I cried about how tired I am, I cried about giving up the miracle organ that is a uterus. But I’m going to do it. I can’t live in pain anymore. The surgeon told me when she saw my uterus last time she immediately wanted to remove it. That was 4 years ago and I’m done.
Goodbye uterus, thanks for not a goddamned thing.