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Women are told we must say yes or we are mean horrible evil witches who will be punished

Women say yes

Women saying yes enables bad things

Women are blamed. Everyone wracks their brains to figure out why women would say yes to something so bad

Women say no

Women saying no makes people sad and angry. They wrack their brains to figure out what’s wrong with these crazy defective women who keep saying no

Women are reminded with vicious amounts of punishment that our role is to say yes

Cycle begins again

No one ever learns anything. I’m sick to the back teeth of it

Women are told we must say yes or we are mean horrible evil witches who will be punished Women say yes Women saying yes enables bad things Women are blamed. Everyone wracks their brains to figure out why women would say yes to something so bad Women say no Women saying no makes people sad and angry. They wrack their brains to figure out what’s wrong with these crazy defective women who keep saying no Women are reminded with vicious amounts of punishment that our role is to say yes Cycle begins again No one ever learns anything. I’m sick to the back teeth of it

10 comments

Women stay silent

"Why didn't you speak up?!"

Women speak up

"Shut up, b1tch! Keep your opinions to yourself!"

Why do we exist ¯_(ツ)_/¯

I know what you mean. It’s not just men who don’t take no from women either, lots of women see a woman’s no as a starting point for a negotiation.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has in the past cried when saying no—and I do not mean solely in context of sexual relations either—because you knew you were going to get pushback and that the situation would be turned into a huge ordeal.

I think too that women’s no’s being ignored and constantly challenged sets us up to get trapped in abusive relationships especially with addicts.

I have an abusive ex who was an alcoholic, I started attending Al-Anon to try to break free of him because I felt like it was MY job to fix him.

One day he kept asking me over and over again if he could go to the liquor store AND drink in my house. I said no, that he’d have to leave to do that and that I wouldn’t be letting him back in.

He responded by asking me the same questions about it repeatedly for about five hours, and I swear he did it to torture me.

At the time I believed the logical responses to my questions would finally sink in because I had been brainwashed into believing that he was an asshole because I had communication problems and that I had an obligation to be patient with him AND I knew from Al-Anon that showing anger would just give him an excuse for him to go and drink so I patiently answered the same questions over again.

“No, you may not drink in my house.”

“Why?”

“You’re an alcoholic and I’m not enabling you.”

“But alcohol is legal.” “Why can you go out and drink and come home to this apartment but I can’t.”

“This is MY apartment, and I’m not an alcoholic.”

“Why am I am considered an alcoholic but you’re not?”

“You spend all your money on alcohol, most of your free time with your friends is spent drinking and you neglect your responsibilities, obligations and you fail to keep your promises.”

“I just want a couple of cans of Smirnoff ice? Can I just go and get them?”

“Yes but you can’t come back to my apartment.”

“Why not?”

“It’s my apartment and I say no.”

“Bbbut….”

“Stop asking me the same questions over and over, the answer is no.”

But he didn’t stop and eventually I started crying but he STILL didn’t stop with the questions and I couldn’t take it, I just started screaming over and over again and begging him to stop asking me the same questions over and over again.

He won. He wore me down, he got me to react, then he had his excuse to leave and get drunk.

“We got in a fight. She kicked me out. She was screaming like a psycho.”

Even though that “relationship” ended 10 years ago I still sometimes have flashbacks to that particular ordeal when someone tries particularly hard to reject or overcome my no, and I’ve found myself bursting into tears and/or raising my voice and I have threatened to call the police so many times out of sheer anxiety that they will not stop until I relent.

“NO. I SAID NO. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE/WAY OR I’LL CALL THE COPS.”

OMG. My son's routine as an adolescent.

I learned after a few of these "exchanges" to cut right to the chase: after the first "Why not?" I would begin yelling like a banshee, every curse word I had ever heard, arms waving, right in his face.

It worked.

Don't speak up: Weak, doormat

Speak up: OMG KAAAARRRRRENNNNN (or other stereotypes depending on race, culture, etc.)

Rinse, lather, repeat

That's why my favorite affirmation is "fuck you".

Scares them off completely.

At least the ones who aren't violent, but they'd be violent regardless, so fuck 'em. Might as well make their day a little bit more annoying in the process.

This is by design. It's so that males can do whatever they want without repercussions. All of these catch 22s serve men.