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This is a US-specific question.

This is not in reference to sit-down restaurants, bars, valet parking, or other situations where tipping has ALWAYS been required.

This is in reference to the new “tablet culture” of tips being demanded literally everywhere. This includes picking up food from a sit-down restaurant where all you are receiving is a bag of takeout—no service.

I go back and forth on this.

  1. Be kind. It’s not their fault their companies don’t pay them a living wage. If I want to enjoy fast food, I better pony up a tip or else I am contributing to worker abuse and underpayment. Also, I can definitely afford it.

  2. Women need to keep our money. This doesn’t apply to me that much as I waste money on frivolous things anyway, but I am a strong proponent that women should be doing everything possible to keep OUR money serving US and our SISTERS. That means I’m not helping some greedy male CEO with likely allegations cut corners on paying his employees. That’s squarely HIS responsibility and not my problem. Also, I’ve noticed Nigel has no qualms skipping the tip screen. This is clearly an area where female socialization harms us to serve males. Not good.

  3. Tip based on sex. I am trying to make some effort to keep my money in women’s hands. So ideally, I’d tip female workers and ignore it for male workers. This would actually be my solution, and I wouldn’t be writing this at all, except that these days tips are pooled and split, so lazy males get the same share as women. So this way isn’t feasible. I believe even if I put physical dollars into the woman’s hand that she will be required to share it with male coworkers.

How do my American sisters handle this?

Edit: what about custom non-alcoholic drinks? I have heard baristas on reddit of all places saying a tip isn’t necessary at Starbucks, so I never tip there. I don’t tip at Dunkin either. I usually do tip at bubble tea shops because it seems more complicated than coffee drinks, but as I’m typing this I just remembered they don’t hire women to make drinks typically because apparently there’s heavy lifting…also the tip pooling likely still applies, so even when I do see a woman making my drink(s) she won’t get the tip to herself. I think I stop today.

This is a US-specific question. This is **not** in reference to sit-down restaurants, bars, valet parking, or other situations where tipping has ALWAYS been required. This **is** in reference to the new “tablet culture” of tips being demanded literally everywhere. This includes picking up food from a sit-down restaurant where all you are receiving is a bag of takeout—no service. I go back and forth on this. 1. **Be kind.** It’s not their fault their companies don’t pay them a living wage. If I want to enjoy fast food, I better pony up a tip or else I am contributing to worker abuse and underpayment. Also, I can definitely afford it. 2. **Women need to keep our money.** This doesn’t apply to me that much as I waste money on frivolous things anyway, but I am a strong proponent that women should be doing everything possible to keep OUR money serving US and our SISTERS. That means I’m not helping some greedy male CEO with likely allegations cut corners on paying his employees. That’s squarely HIS responsibility and not my problem. Also, I’ve noticed Nigel has no qualms skipping the tip screen. This is clearly an area where female socialization harms us to serve males. Not good. 3. **Tip based on sex.** I am trying to make some effort to keep my money in women’s hands. So ideally, I’d tip female workers and ignore it for male workers. This would actually be my solution, and I wouldn’t be writing this at all, except that these days tips are pooled and split, so lazy males get the same share as women. So this way isn’t feasible. I believe even if I put physical dollars into the woman’s hand that she will be required to share it with male coworkers. How do my American sisters handle this? **Edit:** what about custom non-alcoholic drinks? I have heard baristas on reddit of all places saying a tip isn’t necessary at Starbucks, so I never tip there. I don’t tip at Dunkin either. I usually do tip at bubble tea shops because it seems more complicated than coffee drinks, but as I’m typing this I just remembered they don’t hire women to make drinks typically because apparently there’s heavy lifting…also the tip pooling likely still applies, so even when I do see a woman making my drink(s) she won’t get the tip to herself. I think I stop today.

12 comments

[–] BlackCirce 🔮🐖🐖🐖 21 points

I will tip at local counter service establishments where I’m a regular. Counter service tipping demands are tacky and taking advantage of peoples’ (mostly women’s) anxieties about being cheap and rude. With the new tipping demands in fast casual counterservice restaurants, the customer is getting less service, less comfort and the food is almost as expensive as a full service restaurant AND NOW we are supposed to tip as well. I am not going to pay an 18% tip at 5 Guys when I have to get up and refill my own cup.

I don’t worry about sex because I don’t even know if the woman is getting the tips I put in for her, which is frustrating. I hate tip pooling so much because it’s a brothel-esque practice. Women who have to deal with customers up front should get 100% of their tips and the men who are hiding in the back, texting and making sexist jokes with each other should get their hourly pay and nothing else. Restaurants that would never give a woman a chance to be a line cook take waitresses’ hard earned tips and give it to men having fun in the back 😡

I never tip for take away. The idea that I’m going to tip at a national fast food chain is just… how stupid do they think I am? They can’t pay the people enough to make a hamburger without cheese, drop fries more than once an hour and put ketchup in the bag, and they want me to voluntarily pay more for the privilege.

I talked to people I know in food service and now I don’t really tip pick up. I don’t tip if I’m not getting a service anymore. The cooks don’t make “tip” wages and they don’t get the tips, so you’re tipping someone a lot to put your bag together. If it’s a family-owned or similar restaurant that I love I might tip more just because I want then to make it. But you can’t think you owe someone money for nothing.

[–] Nediljka_Orwell crone 10 points Edited

If/when I ever use one of those apps (unlikely to begin with) I'll pass on those tips. My hefty Blue State taxes already pay for minimum wage earner EBT and healthcare benes. And a Family Medical leave fund. I indirectly subsidize Walmart, Target, and other huge corporations who could afford to provide decent wages and benes. But don't. Because no one is making them. Not their workers, not the politicians, not the public. I also pay for a bloated and corruption riddled government to administer those benes, with ideological strings attached, of course....

For a "capitalist" country, we don't seem to be able to actually practice it properly.

I'll tip if I'm doing a large or very customized order. I did tip take out during covid lockdowns because I knew restaurants and their staff were mostly hurting.

My dad always told me to tip well to combat the stereotype that Indians are cheap and rude. But, working as a cashier made me realize that almost no one tips for coffee, takeout, etc.

I try to tip when I make modifications to the meal for my food allergies though. Just to encourage servers/restaurants to be considerate to people like me with food allergies. Prices in my college town are getting insane though. I mostly eat at restaurants on campus that are subsidized by my university, otherwise I just can't afford to eat out. I tip 10-15% and it's getting weird that that the default options are starting at 18 or 20%. Off campus restaurants keep closing down or declining in quality because their landlords keep raising rent on them. It's hard not to feel guilty when your fav place goes out of business but no amount of tipping can combat the greed of slumlords.

[–] otterstrom 3 points Edited

Tipping pits employees against people

Instead of employees against employers


I only tip if I feel like someone was being awesome in a way that I consent to. But I don't tip someone for doing the duties of their job. Again, it pits the employee against the wrong party here. Fuck the default nice. So sick of the lack of critical thinking around this

When I am in the US, and I am at a counter service beverage shop, I keep my bills and tip the loose change or donate it to their charity jar

I only tip for counter service if the person serving me is an older female. I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing but now having the chance to think about it that’s what I do. Older women exclusively. I don’t feel bad about it either.

I get my hair cut at the hair cuttery and give my hair dresser $5 cash tip for my $24 dollar haircut.

I go to the same salon in Vancouver for years, and they used to charge $40 and tips would be up to you, if you want you can give them directly to the hairdresser. Now it's $70 and the cashier will announce "How much would you like to add as a gratitude?" So that it is harder for you to say no even if $70 (actually 80 with tax) is already expensive enough.

I tipped well when I got haircuts as well once I found a hairdresser who paid attention to what I asked for. I think 30%