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I don't want to come off as reductive, bioessentialist, homophobic. I don't want to come off as bitter for being heterosexual. The sexual attraction I feel toward men isn't a choice, but I do choose to accept and fixate on it.

Am I entitled to hope to be treated well? Am I doomed to sexual suffering- surely it's not outrageous for me to hope to be loved and treated well. Surely humans are evolved enough to have basic respect at dire times. Am I foolish to be hopeful?

Basically I look at how men treat each other, how they talk about each other sexually. In my mind it's unacceptable. I don't care if that sounds bad. I know the way men think sexually about each other is just a magnified version of how they discuss women. Why are they concerned with degradation and ruination? Why is sex about destruction to them? Dissolution of respect? It is all about materialism. Is sex all about materialism?

Why do I want to view sex constructively?

Why must women be the fucking gatekeepers of our own safety? IS THIS biological when we know these hormones do change your mind? Where is the line drawn between nature and nurture? Am I getting too blackpilled on this shit? If I believe that gender "isn't real", then shouldn't all this solve itself as a part of solving general misogyny? Should i have confidence in this type of progress or is it too animalistic to change?

What even defines this male sexuality? In my opinion it's culture-driven manifestations and magnifications of biological impulse. It's not mind over matter, it's full integration of mind with matter.

Women don't deserve violence for liking men sexually. Yet it is what so much of us receive as the payoff. Where do we even go from here? "Political lesbianism" is not a solution. Heterosexual women do not deserve this.

If I ever see the word "hole" again I'm cracking.

My friends tell me "go to a therapist, your views on sex are weird." No they're fuckin not. Not when I see how men talk when they're alone.

I don't want to come off as reductive, bioessentialist, homophobic. I don't want to come off as bitter for being heterosexual. The sexual attraction I feel toward men isn't a choice, but I do choose to accept and fixate on it. Am I entitled to hope to be treated well? Am I doomed to sexual suffering- surely it's not outrageous for me to hope to be loved and treated well. Surely humans are evolved enough to have basic respect at dire times. Am I foolish to be hopeful? Basically I look at how men treat each other, how they talk about each other sexually. In my mind it's unacceptable. I don't care if that sounds bad. I know the way men think sexually about each other is just a magnified version of how they discuss women. Why are they concerned with degradation and ruination? Why is sex about destruction to them? Dissolution of respect? It is all about materialism. Is sex all about materialism? Why do I want to view sex constructively? Why must women be the fucking gatekeepers of our own safety? IS THIS biological when we know these hormones do change your mind? Where is the line drawn between nature and nurture? Am I getting too blackpilled on this shit? If I believe that gender "isn't real", then shouldn't all this solve itself as a part of solving general misogyny? Should i have confidence in this type of progress or is it too animalistic to change? What even defines this male sexuality? In my opinion it's culture-driven manifestations and magnifications of biological impulse. It's not mind over matter, it's full integration of mind with matter. Women don't deserve violence for liking men sexually. Yet it is what so much of us receive as the payoff. Where do we even go from here? "Political lesbianism" is not a solution. Heterosexual women do not deserve this. If I ever see the word "hole" again I'm cracking. My friends tell me "go to a therapist, your views on sex are weird." No they're fuckin not. Not when I see how men talk when they're alone.

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72 comments

"In my opinion it's culture-driven manifestations and magnifications of biological impulse. It's not mind over matter, it's full integration of mind with matter."

I agree. And if the mind can get a man into this cesspool of violence/death/sex, a mind can get a man out of this cesspool.

Maybe I'll be told I'm an idiot for this belief, but it's based on real-world experience. My sexual relationship with my husband is not violent at all. It's not about him imposing, either. He doesn't watch any porn (really!). It's just him, me, our bodies, and our faithful love. Pretty vanilla. And yet very fulfilling. And we raised our sons this way, too. But yeah, I think the number of men who've followed a path of self-mastery is quite small, and for that I shed bucketsful of tears (because I have daughters, too).

But yes, sexual integrity is possible for men. And they and the women they love and the children they father live happier lives that way.

I know your next question will be how do we get a much larger number of men out of the cesspool they've dug for themselves. And I admit I don't know the answer to that. But at a minimum women must refuse the type of sex most men in our culture want to have--and I think what you've articulated here is exactly the kind of brave determination that is needed. I applaud you for it!

The only way we can do it is by keeping ourselves off-limits to all men who don’t meet our standards. That means many of us will not be partnered. If enough women adopt this men could retaliate in really violent ways and without getting too detailed for the rules of this site, we need to have plans in place for that backlash as well. Men have to realize they will not get a partner until they learn to respect us the exact same way they demand for us to respect them. And probably for them to stop demanding that because even the best ones don’t deserve the level of respect they demand. Everything is all backwards and only they can make it right.

This isn’t likely to happen in our lifetimes seeing that SO MANY women, even and especially young women, eagerly offer themselves up for male abuse. There is nothing we can do when that continues.

I feel like this is starting to happen. I see a lot of women now, happily living on their own, and not wanting to have anything to do with pornsick men who will disrespect them and be a burden to their lives. It's slowly becoming normal, and women talk about this in day-to-day conversations. I feel like a lot of women are seeing how poorly men will treat them, and decide not to accept it in their lives anymore.

I am living alone, and very content with it. Pretty sure I will never invite anyone to live with me ever again. It's so peaceful here on my own.

This is the bottom line.

And why so many women resist feminism, imho.

[–] friedparata 6 points Edited

honestly, why do women willingly get into relationships with shit men?

There is someone I know, who's close to me. his mom married his dad, even though she knew he was a homeless alcoholic who already had children with other women, and was kicked out by them. he ofc was abusive to her as well, and after my friend was born, she kicked him out. he's still a homeless drunk and doesn't have relationships with any of his children.

the thing is, she got into a relationship with him, even married him knowing what he was like. my friend says she just wanted to have a child, but... that seems excessive.

her first husband was also abusive and his family made her do all the housework, and treated her like a maid servant. but he died in a car accident before they had children. she got married to him because of family pressure. her father was also incredibly abusive to her, in every way.

basically, every male in her life, except her son, has failed her.

I think grooming plays a huge role. There are so many ways girls are taught to care for others at the expense of themselves, and this carries over into adulthood. If you were taught as a child to be responsible for the home while your brothers did whatever they wanted, you'd be more likely to see this as normal and clean up after your husband like you cleaned up after your brothers and father. It's actually downright frightening how effective socialization is.