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36 comments

[–] Veneficca 37 points Edited

The comments are dismal. Some people are on track but mostly it's "girls did this to themselves and need to start dating nice guys again" instead of acknowledging the rampant misogyny from men that has produced, cast, directed, and distributed this shitshow.

How many women in hook-up culture actually thought they were dating someone who was genuinely interested, only to find themselves ghosted after sex?

How many boys and men are sharing and publishing nudes and creating a caste of "damaged goods" women who are no longer seen as wife material?

How badly has porn warped men and ruined their capacity to form respectful and committed relationships?

I know our current pornsick era is going to unleash a new tsunami. Unfortunately it's going to be aimed at correcting women's behavior while men continue on their merry exploitive way with nary a moment of analytical criticism.

Yep 100% - I never 'hooked up' but guys would often date me romantically for quite some time, I'd eventually have sex (obvs thinking they were romantically interested) and then they'd leave? This is what is really really wrong as it is really messing with someone's heart and is very obviously deceptive - guys know what they're doing. It's bordering on rape tbh (lying to someone to have sex with them)

Yeah, the comments are super gross. The majority of them completely shrug off the cultural and societal shift like that has no impact on the individual at all and go straight to blaming women.

It does really suck that women are the ones that have to be responsible for the change in course to correct for how hypersexual and sexually exploitive our culture has become, but I'm glad so many young women are choosing not to date or have sex with men. I wish I would have seen it for what it is when I was younger instead of being pressured into having sex I didn't want to have.

Same age and I have always had a gross feeling about the sexual revolution. It did not free women, it freed men. I like the term sexual asymmetry from the article because that's exactly what it is.

The sexual revolution freed men to fuck women and easily walk out on them without social shame. Sure before that we had the whole women must be a virgin thing or she's a whore but guys were still getting sex from somewhere. However the sexual revolution just opened up women for the easy taking if men without real benefits for women. Im sorry to make a blanket statement but 99% of women just don't rabidly crave sex like men do. We crave intimacy and a connection, but somehow there is this lie that is fed to young girls that we all should want to have sex with as many guys without feelings. Why? Because that's easy for men. They make everything about sex. Friendship, media whenever possible, music, art. They view many things through a sexual lens.

Same thing with the OnlyFans lie. They pretend and like that every woman wants to be a sex worker because it's so "empowering", when it's actually just a lie to open up as many women as possible for male sexual gratification without consequence.

It's the greatest trick in history.

[–] LuckyWater LuckyWater 24 points

I agree with everything you said except:

Im sorry to make a blanket statement but 99% of women just don't rabidly crave sex like men do. We crave intimacy and a connection

Women would crave (heterosexual) sex just like men do if men were as safe, sexually generous, and well-groomed as us. The fact that women want less sex on average isn't inherent, it is the outcome of asymmetrical standards.

At the risk of sounding bioessentialist, I am not sure I completely agree. I think men can and should do better, but testosterone clearly plays a role here in their promisuity and levels of aggression. Otherwise why would gay men be so much more promiscuous than gay women? There is obviously also a social component, but I do believe that testosterone is a helluva drug that truly does impact behavior.

[–] LuckyWater LuckyWater 1 points Edited

(I really like your username). You might be right about testosterone, but I disagree with the point about gays and lesbians. WLW are still under social pressure to submit to "womanly" standards, e.g. not being "promiscuous." Sometimes that pressure is even harder on lesbians. Overall, women are conditioned to be more responsible and calculated regardless of their sexual orientation, so I don't think that we can compare gays and lesbians.

[–] DurableBook 24 points Edited

I mean "sex" is typically defined as a penis going in a vagina until the man has an orgasm.

If we redefined "sex" to mean "stimulation of the clitoris until the woman has an orgasm" with no assumption that a penis would even be touched, let alone that the man experiences orgasm, then I bet the numbers on who "craves sex" most would reverse.

Women masturbate less than men on average so I don't think that is true.

[–] LuckyWater LuckyWater 1 points

I think that we cannot separate masturbation from the overall approach to women's sexuality. Women are discouraged from expressing their sexuality even in private. We also don't have as much sexual stimuli as men do - just compare the number of good looking men you encounter every day vs. the number of good looking women.

Somewhat agree, like casual sex can be alright especially if very young, but still think women overwhelmingly want emotionally connected relationship sex

[–] LuckyWater LuckyWater 1 points

True. But we cannot know is that's an inherent difference between the sexes until women live in a safer, more equal society where sexually-based relationships are not as risky and frowned upon. Also, in such society men might change their preference pattern, too.

[–] Hera 40 points

Distrust any person or ideology that pressures you to ignore your moral intuition.

I want that on a fucking billboard. There is a lot of good stuff in this article but that bullet point in particular is some hhhhmmmmmm good stuff.

A few comments. She ignored a large part of history which is that the Sexual Revolution of the 1970s resulted in rampant pornography, it was everywhere, tacky sex shops and X-rated theaters in residential towns. It was a whole cultural obsession that happened during the Carter presidency. But people got tired of it and voted for Reagan, suddenly the nation shifted into excessive conservatism. I fear we are coming to repeat that cycle.

The other point is that what was in its inception a liberating and virtuous movement was soon hijacked by males as an excuse to exploit females. And nobody seemed to notice, except for me. Women just blindly adopted the role of the porn star being freed from male enslavement. I am 65 and saw all this happen.

"Women just blindly adopted the role of the porn star being freed from male enslavement. "

History repeats itself. Look at the big OnlyFans lie and what it did to a generation of vulnerable girls and women.

[–] hmimperialtortie cats plz 34 points

Consent workshops are mostly useless. The best way of reducing the incidence of rape is by reducing the opportunities for would-be rapists to offend. This can be done either by keeping convicted rapists in prison or by limiting their access to potential victims.

They need to be convicted first and that’s an enormous hurdle when the law and attitudes in so many countries are on their side.

‘Reducing opportunities’ by, like, effective safeguarding, keeping public lavatories and changing rooms single sex, and keeping sex offenders out of women’s prisons?

[–] elleelle 19 points Edited

I agreed with many points within this article, but I am not skeptical about heterosexual marriage - nay, I am convinced that it's a bad deal for women.

She talks about how her assertions in this article are based upon data, but there is an abundance of data indicating that being legally shackled to a man is terrible for women.

As a radfem, I can't decry the statistical manipulation (twanz suicide!) and obvious disregard for the scientific method (TWAW!) of gender ideology while simultaneously doubling down on the persistent conservative slavering over legal heterosexual marriage. That's a hypocrisy sharp enough to cut my own moral intuition.

I agree, being shackled to a man isn't necessarily the answer, but what would you say is?

I think our foremothers got it right - we ought to be seeking women's liberation, and our personal well being has political consequences.

I don't think that we will ever get there under a regime of legal heterosexual marriage.

That said, society tends to arrange itself so that life is easier if you are paired up. I don't believe this has to be romantic in nature, but of course it usually is.

I think women should ruthlessly vet potential partners and do everything practical to ensure that our situations serve us, and in my experience, that often involves keeping men on their toes.

My answer is to build a life that no one can take from you, to achieve financial and social independence and allow your partnerships to exist only to enhance your life, not determine it.

Yes independence, financial/emotional/mental appears to be the key

My issue is that most humans want to reproduce so what’s the alternative? I guess pair bonding isn’t necessary but what other structure would there be for having sex and bringing up children - just a matriarchy kinda thing ?

Yeah I look for respect from men. But I’m not interested in pretending like we’re going to love each other till we die when I know that’s not the case.

[–] furyosa no, thank you 21 points

The new sexual culture isn’t so much about the liberation of women, as so many feminists would have us believe, but the adaptation of women to the expectations of a familiar character: Don Juan, Casanova, or, more recently, Hugh Hefner.

Encouraging young women and girls to live up to the expectations of this is morally corrupt. I'm glad the younger generations are catching on to the fact that sexual liberation, as it has been marketed by libfems, is a lie. I'm grateful for Female Dating Strategy and others who are capable of reaching the youth with the message that they shouldn't put up with abuse.

Now, I haven't read Louise Perry's book yet (it's on my to-read-list) but I enjoyed this article. I know she has a controversial opinion about rapists being born not raised, but whatever that case may be I agree that the rapists we do have need to be locked up for life. I believe once they've gone down that road they're irredeemable.

[–] BlackCirce 🔮🐖🐖🐖 8 points

The new sexual culture isn’t so much about the liberation of women, as so many feminists would have us believe, but the adaptation of women to the expectations of a familiar character: Don Juan, Casanova, or, more recently, Hugh Hefner.

Let me put my same argument a different way, if men are going to fuck whoever they want regardless, and women bear the consequences, why shouldn’t we also enjoy the fun? If after 7 years and 2-3 kids his eyes are going to wander to the next PYT, why shouldn’t she enjoy sex while she’s young? Whether it’s marriage or the sexual revolution women are forced to adapt to men’s greater demand for sex. Women always pay the greater consequence whether it’s free love or theocratic patriarchy. The situation doesn’t change. Men don’t change. Marrying Casanova means you have to continue cooking and cleaning for him, long after his heart and/or penis have finished with you. In free love you never have to see him again.

Yeh I was thinking something related - if we get more conservative again, like waiting for serious commitment/marriage before sex, men would just lie and get married just to have sex. The 'good' side of hook up culture is that there is no particular incentive for a man to stick around if he doesn't genuinely love you and I have noticed most men in relationships are serious about life long commitment

Yep, just like in the “good old days” where two young kids get married so they can have sex, then husbands would take mistresses with impunity and the long-suffering wives were expected to endure, sacrifice their entire lives and happiness to preserve the “sacred institution” of marriage.

I despise hookup culture because of how it treats women, but winding back the clock to those conservative times sounds even more hellish for women.

It would be okay if women were having safe, fun sex. But they often aren’t, so generally hooking up should be discouraged.

[–] elleelle 3 points Edited

Exactly! If the problem is men acting like fuckboys, I don't think the solution is men deciding instead to act like Don Draper.

At least a fuckboy doesn't have Betty at home, doing his laundry, raising his babies and providing him with the social standing and access to capital that having a partner gives you. And let's be honest, under Mad Men rules, being a wife was a JOB. At least now, women anticipate working for a real paycheck, not just in furtherance of her husband's career.

It's my belief this is why marriage rates continue to drop- not because marriageable men are in decline, but because women have alternatives at long last.

ETA: I mean to say that in the old days, even men who were poor candidates for marriage would end up with a woman because someone would have no choice but to marry a bottom tier guy.

An unmarried woman was called a spinster because highly skilled fiber spinners made enough money to choose whether or not they wanted to marry. I think it's a sign of progress that we are becoming a nation of spinsters.

I really hate delusional men who think they are entitled to have sex or experience hook ups just because some other men do. News flash sex isn’t freely available just because you want it.

I'm mid 20s and, although still marred by lib fem hook up culture, am fairly unscarred due to following my instincts (i.e. never hooking up with strangers, never getting too drunk, ignoring those playboy guys and cutting men off quickly who didn't act up to standard). I've always been a bit of an eccentric 'independent thinker' type and am so so grateful for that as it stopped me falling into so many of society's traps!