I wanted to share a thought-provoking post I came across by Laetitia Ky, a feminist artist from the Ivory Coast. This is taken from her Instagram, username laetitiaky, if you want to look her up.

"Is every choice feminism just because it is the choice of a woman?

For a lot of people, feminism is about allowing women to make a choice. And because of that, a lot of important conversations are avoided. As soon a woman says "it’s my choice!”, it is labeled feminist ! no further questions or criticisms are allowed or it is perceived as degrading or disrespecting the woman who has made the choice. The consequences some choices have on women rights and the reasons they are made can't be discussed. We are just supposed to praise the choice made, even if it support existing systems that oppress women. Making a choice doesn't mean that you have sole influence over making the choice. In patriarchy, Too many choices are coercive choices. this is why feminism shouldn't be used to defend them. For me, Feminism aim at the liberation of women so we can have agency over our life. For too many of us, even the more privileged, patriarchy and its effect, still have the biggest influence in the choices we make. So even if we agree that at the end of the day, people still have the right to have choices that are highly influenced by patriarchy, we have to agree that not every choice is feminist.

If a choice does not give you a certain power in this patriarchal society and does not participate in advancing equality of sexes, it is not feminist. That doesn't make your choice stupid, but it's still conditioned by patriarchy!

Even a very engaged feminist doesn't make feminist choices all the time! As women, we all grew up conditioned by gender stereotypes. Even when you manage to deconstruct yourself on a lot of gender stereotypes, some things can remain all your life. I myself make certain choices and I am aware that I make them because I am conditioned to feel good about making these choices. They makes me happy, but if these choices participate in reinforcing gender stereotypes, calling them 'feminist' is dangerous. It makes us avoid the conversations that help identifying the roots of women oppression. the statu[s] quo is unchallenged and we are not taking steps to try to rectify the systemic oppression."

In the comments, I came across a beautiful comment from a user called "breetoutloud," which I also wanted to share.

"I always think of patriarchy like bird cage every woman is born into. Some choices I make are to decorate my cage and make bearable my confinement. The truly feminist choices are the ones I make in service of dismantling the cage entirely."

These words speak volumes to me, both the initial post and the comment. That's why I wanted to share them. I began a discussion the other day on here about changing one's last name in marriage, and I feel that these comments are quite relevant to that whole debate.

PS. If you don't follow Laetitia, I encourage you to check her out. She is a true sex-based feminist who speaks much wisdom, and her art is striking and unique (you have to see it to understand).