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Does anyone else notice the way mentally ill men are romanticized, lionized and treated like misunderstood geniuses, while women who struggle with their mental health are just fucking loathed? Or dismissed and force-fed platitudes about "just start choosing to find meaning in life" or "get a thicker skin" or "just fucking leave if you're too fragile for XYZ."

Example: there was a youtuber named boogie2988 who was morbidly obese. He had a really bad childhood, stories of abusive relationships, etc. But he developed an internet following of people who wanted to see him succeed, to do better, to "make it." People who defended him and loved him unconditionally, even when he was making it clear that he didn't want to help himself, he didn't think he was worth it.
And he got out. He lost the weight, he got his teeth fixed, he started doing better.
And then it came out that he'd been abusing a woman in a horrible "sugar daddy" relationship. He wasn't some tragic "good boy" who just needed love. He was a fucking asshole, and the internet fucking rallied around this guy for years.

Compare to a woman named Amberlynn Reid. Also a morbidly obese youtuber, also had a horrible traumatic childhood and stories of abusive relationships. She's also a lesbian so she's dealing with the oppression that comes with that, and she even survived cancer a few years ago.

And the world *fucking hates her. Absolutely. Fucking. Hates. Her.

By that I mean, there are many many many youtube channels devoted 100% to mocking her every word. I really cannot even begin to describe the level of hatred this woman receives online.

Whenever she comes up in conversation, I have the habit of asking "so what did she do, exactly? Please enlighten me, surely she committed some grievous crime to have fallen so beneath contempt."

The inevitable answer? "She's a narcissist. She said something rude to her wife once. She lied about something once. She doesn't 'take accountability for her actions.' Her dog had unclipped claws at one point."

I mean, okay, it's misogyny. It's always misogyny.

But she's dying. Fucking boogie2988 got to live. He got the basic human connection required to pull himself out of his personal hell, even though there is now solid evidence that he is an abusive POS.

And Amberlynn Reid is dying. She's still gaining weight. She's sick with some sort of mystery cough. She injured her ankle recently. She's on the decline. And people are still making jokes about her for "being fat." But it's okay, guys, because "she's a narcissist."

And people have the fucking gall to say "men are lonely."

Does anyone else notice the way mentally ill men are romanticized, lionized and treated like misunderstood geniuses, while women who struggle with their mental health are just fucking loathed? Or dismissed and force-fed platitudes about "just start choosing to find meaning in life" or "get a thicker skin" or "just fucking leave if you're too fragile for XYZ." Example: there was a youtuber named boogie2988 who was morbidly obese. He had a really bad childhood, stories of abusive relationships, etc. But he developed an internet following of people who wanted to see him succeed, to do better, to "make it." People who defended him and loved him unconditionally, even when he was making it clear that he didn't want to help himself, he didn't think he was worth it. And he got out. He lost the weight, he got his teeth fixed, he started doing better. And then it came out that he'd been abusing a woman in a horrible "sugar daddy" relationship. He wasn't some tragic "good boy" who just needed love. He was a *fucking asshole,* and the internet fucking rallied around this guy for years. Compare to a woman named Amberlynn Reid. Also a morbidly obese youtuber, also had a horrible traumatic childhood and stories of abusive relationships. She's also a lesbian so she's dealing with the oppression that comes with that, and she even survived cancer a few years ago. And the world **fucking hates* her. Absolutely. Fucking. Hates. Her. By that I mean, there are *many many many* youtube channels devoted 100% to mocking her every *word.* I really cannot even begin to describe the level of hatred this woman receives online. Whenever she comes up in conversation, I have the habit of asking "so what did she *do,* exactly? Please enlighten me, surely she committed some grievous crime to have fallen so beneath contempt." The inevitable answer? "She's a narcissist. She said something rude to her wife once. She lied about something once. She doesn't 'take accountability for her actions.' Her dog had unclipped claws at one point." I mean, okay, it's misogyny. It's always misogyny. But she's dying. Fucking boogie2988 got to live. He got the basic human connection required to pull himself out of his personal hell, even though there is now *solid* evidence that he is an abusive POS. And Amberlynn Reid is dying. She's still gaining weight. She's sick with some sort of mystery cough. She injured her ankle recently. She's on the decline. And people are *still* making jokes about her for "being fat." But it's okay, guys, because "she's a narcissist." And people have the fucking gall to say "men are lonely."

18 comments

Agree.

But I’d add that some women’s mental illnesses are fetishised, if young and considered attractive, it’s seen as hot and that crazy chicks fuck like mad etc

Men receive much much more public funds on their mh. The research on mh is heavily geared towards men only (despite the additional risk of pregnancy or female only related mh problems like pmdd/pmt etc). There’s minimal research on women and suicide but what there is indicates that women attempt suicide x3 as much as men, but are less likely to be ‘successful’ (because men are socialised to be violent so use violent means like jumping and guns and car crashes-which pose risk to others also) so get brushed off as attention seeking. Suicide prevent focuses much more on men than women and there’s a variety of male only support resources/lines and the other main ones are for both. Suicide especially bothers me because how many of these men we are prioritising are family annihilators, murder (of women) suicides, men awaiting charges or convicted of sexual violence or dv against women and children? Maybe if we prioritise saving these poor poor menz they will just murder or rape more of us. Plus women suffering ptsd/cptsd from male violence get overlooked horrifically imho.

[–] Itzpapalotl 14 points Edited

I feel this a lot. I’m 26 and though I was an ugly kid, men seem to find me attractive now, I guess I’m conventionally attractive in a way. I look very young for my age. I’ve been in and out of hospital for my mental illnesses, I have anorexia nervosa and a severe mood disorder. When I am underweight but not drastically so, I get a lot of compliments and male attention.

It’s not just men who do it, everyone thinks you’re “interesting” and “different” and kinda romanticise you as this tragic, chaotic mess. The thing is that once those people witness what your illness actually entails, they can’t hack it and ditch you. Up close mental illness is ugly. Nobody is obligated to put up with what they can’t handle, but It’s fairly soul destroying to be wanted when you’re healthier then unwanted when you’re poorly. With men it does feel slightly fetishistic and sometimes predatory.

On the flip side, male doctors/psychiatrists are a nightmare. You just know if you were a 40 year old man you’d actually be listened to and not seen as a hysterical woman. Female suffering is always second to male suffering ime.

Not to mention how many physical conditions are treated as mental health problems for women because doctors just can't be fucking bothered or the conditions haven't been studied because (again) doctors just couldn't be fucking bothered to believe women.

I've got chronic pain and fibromyalgia and autoimmune disease. I know shit for dicks about any of it and all doctors will do is throw prescriptions at it. Don't know what causes it, don't know anything about it. But I got dumped on antidepressants at 13 and every time I bring up symptoms, they're pushing another psych med at me.

There's a lot of truth to the funding aspect. I volunteer with an organization that works with adults with PTSD, and because of where we get most of our funding for research from, the majority of people we help are men with PTSD. (I won't go in to specifics, but in my country I'll just say there's more funding for veterans mental health care (majority male) vs. for example s*xual assault survivors mental health care (majority female)).

Don't get me wrong, these men absolutely deserve help - that's why I'm volunteering - and when they get this help, their whole family benefits, as often PTSD can cause severe relationship issues. But the same could be said for women who are suffering in this way and their families, and women have higher rates of PTSD.

That being said, funding for mental health programs in general is abysmal - even in the case of veterans where there SHOULD be good government money behind it, it says a lot that our program would cease to function without hundreds to thousands of volunteer hours - mostly provided by women.

[–] SecondSkin 3 points Edited

I was thinking more in terms of public funds for mh hospital units. Women get shoved in the poorly funded ones, with minimal staff numbers or therapeutic activities, and men get the high security ones with v high staffing ratios and access to all the therapeutic activities to ensure they pose less risk to the staff.

I mean I get it, I don’t want violent men poorly staffed or unsupervised. But it’s the dichotomy with the pittance women get for basically being victims of these men that doesn’t sit right.

But yeah the same pattern follows through with all aspects of mh provision.

Interesting, I have no knowledge or insight to mental health in hospitals and the funding there, but that doesn't surprise me at all.

if young and considered attractive, it's seen as hot and that crazy chicks fuck like mad etc

This is true, BUT it has nothing to do with compassion for her and her struggles the way it tends to be towards men - rather it's the opposite: the hot crazy chick is more easily exploited. She's hyper sexual with no real boundaries, you can treat her like trash and no one will believe her when you cross the line anyway. She's CRAZY, after all.

[–] SecondSkin 3 points Edited

That’s what I meant by fetishised, exploited, degraded, objectified goes with the word fetishised in this context imho.

Sorry if that wasn’t clear already.

Pete Davidson has borderline personality disorder and is hugely popular, in part because of it. Yet, at the same time, women deemed “problematic,” Amber Heard for example, are armchair diagnosed with BPD and called monsters for it.

Just look at Pete Davidson. He’s got a serious personality disorder and yet very wealthy and beautiful women fall at his feet. (And really, he’s not attractive.)

A woman with the same disorder is viewed as garbage by society and it can be difficult to find anyone to date.

Yeah this is exactly the kind of thing I mean. Mentally ill men also seem to get cast as "tragic but well-meaning," whereas mentally ill women are demonized and treated like "attention seekers," "manipulators," etc. Which is so ironic considering men have the vast majority of "Machiavellian" personality disorders, aka NPD and sociopathy.

Even when mentally ill men lash out and hurt people, others make excuses for them because "he didn't mean it, he's just sick." Whereas women experiencing non-violent or even self-destructive behaviors get treated like monsters.

I forget where or when the test was, but they found that when people picked the traits of a 'healthy' woman, the same traits were considered neurotic in men. Also, the kind of depression most often found in women is called Atypical depression, like women can't even get that right.

If it's the most common kind of depression for women, how the heck is it "atypical"??

Yep. You’re totally right.

However I do notice that boogie has a lot of people “who want to see him get better” who were actually delighting in the entertainment of watching him be a lolcow.

Chris Chan is another example. Lots of people were upset that he “treated women badly” and was “racist” and “never learned or took accountability” but really they loved laughing at him. It makes them feel better about themselves.

What really trips me up is that the idea guys and that one 13-year-old boy who catfished him and convinced him to film a video of him putting figurines up his butt get some criticism, but the woman who got him to confess to raping his mom has been maligned perhaps more than Chris. Which I get, because she apparently assaulted other women and wanted to assault more and also tortured animals, and the phone call is super suspicious even to me (I’m still not convinced chris is guilty at all), but I am still shocked at how little outrage there was for men who literally tortured him for months and made him film it.

All this to say I definitely agree the female lolcows are treated much worse even though they don’t do any of the evil shit the male ones do (with the exception of Bella above). However a lot of the male ones are not receiving the love you might think. There’s a whole lot of SAYING “I just want him to get better” as an excuse for why you’re harassing a lolcow. Much like the whole “I just want you to be healthy” bullshit men start to pull when their wives stop looking like their pornsick fantasies.

Oh, i haven't checked in on ALR is a while, that is sad news that she's sick and her ankle.

In general, though don't forget the romanticized Manic Pixie Dream Girl trop. But, yeah a lot of men get away with shit because "they were misunderstood" or it's their mom's fault 🙄.

I find internet personalities like ALR and boogie absolutely fascinating from a psychological standpoint, so I know the context of what you're talking about. I also find the fixation that "haydurs" have on her to be so strange, and that's also fascinating.

My disorganized thoughts: he majority of people who make critical content of her are women (with some gay men). Her target audience has never been men. Meanwhile for boogie, women were never really part of his audience, and those critical of him are men. And sadly, men don't tend to give much of a fuck about men who are abusive to women. I've seen it pointed out before on this website, the way men close ranks. Maybe this is an example of that? I'm having trouble putting my exact feelings on this in to words, but I think the primarily male vs female audience definitely has a role.

Honestly no, most men I know hide their mental health, or you get the ones that use it as an excuse to get sympathy, young women tend to fall for it and feel sorry for them but most people over 25 have learned not to do that and ignore them, in general its ignored anyway.

in general I don't hear much about women, theres not tonnes of them claiming depression and demanding sympathy for example like the men keep doing, but I guess it depends what circles you are in, I am in circles with people who've all had their problems down the years and don't talk about it unless they are asked for advice.

when I go to the GP about things they tend to be blamed on my anxiety as I am on the books as having that, but they do exactly the same with a male relative who has anxiety problems too