63

And let me tell you, there was a fricking world of difference in how I was treated.

I’m a 37 year old disabled woman. Everything is “in my head”, my poor whittle emotions run amok and out of control.

“Are you feeling anxious lately?” “No.” “Well, it’s your anxiety.”

If they can’t see a tangible sign of something wrong, I’m just imagining it.

If you can see a tangible problem, it’s just my emotions causing it.

If there’s abnormal test results, it’s all normal. (Why even test for it?!)

I’ve had doctors not even bother to show up, walk out bc “there was an interesting (male) patient, not release my records against my orders, and so on, and so forth. Even women doctors treat us like garbage.

I’ve seen this particular doctor before (good reviews), and it was just my emotions, he tried to sell me a book about stretching (this is a rheumatologist…), and all my abnormal tests are somehow normal to be abnormal.

This time I bring a man, and he’s no longer in and out in a minute, he goes to look up something in his book, he says he’ll ask about me at an upcoming conference, and he says that the tests are abnormal, but he doesn’t know what it means and that I need to get more testing.

Some difference, huh?

We need a Task Rabbit or a Rent-A-Man app bc we just can NOT get decent care on our own. I’ve been trying for years, with my mom and my disability aids (all women). Makes no difference until you bring a man. It right pisses me off, but what can you do?

And let me tell you, there was a fricking *world* of difference in how I was treated. I’m a 37 year old disabled woman. Everything is “in my head”, my poor whittle emotions run amok and out of control. “Are you feeling anxious lately?” “No.” “Well, it’s your anxiety.” If they can’t see a tangible sign of something wrong, I’m just imagining it. If you can see a tangible problem, it’s just my emotions causing it. If there’s abnormal test results, it’s all normal. (Why even test for it?!) I’ve had doctors not even bother to show up, walk out bc “there was an interesting (male) patient, not release my records against my orders, and so on, and so forth. Even women doctors treat us like garbage. I’ve seen this particular doctor before (good reviews), and it was just my emotions, he tried to sell me a book about stretching (this is a rheumatologist…), and all my abnormal tests are somehow normal to be abnormal. This time I bring a man, and he’s no longer in and out in a minute, he goes to look up something in his book, he says he’ll ask about me at an upcoming conference, and he says that the tests are abnormal, but he doesn’t know what it means and that I need to get more testing. Some difference, huh? We need a Task Rabbit or a Rent-A-Man app bc we just can NOT get decent care on our own. I’ve been trying for years, with my mom and my disability aids (all women). Makes no difference until you bring a man. It right pisses me off, but what can you do?

36 comments

Fun fact - I have a male friend who lives in China. His entire income is based off of Chinese businesses hiring him to sit in a conference room as just a white American dude in a suit to lend them credibility.

Surely we could do something similar here?

Seriously. I work my ass off and this motherfucker it’s paid to sit in a room and be a white male? Ffs

Honestly, when I lived on my own I wanted to have a hired male for every time a contractor came round to do work on my house.

We have a few men around here who used to do that, I almost hired one to hang my tv. They were very popular until one snuck back into my neighbor’s house and entered her bedroom while she was asleep.

Oh, I know about all that! Hopefully, maybe we can get some taller/broader women made up to look like men so they can get paid instead.

Might be a job opportunity for detransed women who still look like males ...

[+] [Deleted] 19 points

I found one doctor and then I only go to doctors recommended by the doctors I trust.

Studies show women receive better care from women. Black women receive better care from black women.

I bring notes. That way if the doctor tries to steamroll me, I can say "let me just make sure we addressed all of my concerns" and I go down the list.

I went to a surgeon once who literally walked out the door in the middle of his own sentence. I got up, stood in the hallway, and yelled (cause he had gotten some distance away), "I still have concerns about my surgery to discuss." (I went to him as an exception -- I was warned that he was the best at actually cutting into people, but a crappy doctor at talking to humans)

Now if someone can find me a PCP. I have a full team of excellent specialists for all my crap, but if I get a sinus infection, I'm shit up a creek.

We even get shit care with alternative practitioners. We need a woman's society with radfem women healers, bodyworkers, the whole gamut.

We need a woman's society with radfem women healers, bodyworkers, the whole gamut.

The dream!

[–] TheWitch 0 points Edited

My last chiropractor was a misogynistic asshole. My new one is much better.

[–] LOriginedumonde 14 points Edited

I constantly feel so fucking lucky to have found a great doctor when I moved to my current city six years ago. He has never once been dismissive or short with me, always gives his undivided attention and talks with me for five or so minutes at the beginning of my appointments just to catch up, and always listens to me and takes me seriously.

He was my mother’s doctor as well and when she died he hugged and cried with me and did not charge me a dime for visits and continued to write my prescriptions when I was temporarily without insurance after she passed away. Everyone at his office are incredible people. I’ll be so heartbroken when he retires or passes away. I don’t think I’ll even find another doctor that’s as great as him. Doctors like mine should be the norm and not the exception.

I’ve met a very small minority of the same kind of doctors! So I know it’s possible for them to fucking do their jobs!

I have multiple diagnosed physical issues that are painful, my pain is still all in my head. 🤷‍♀️

I have gotten into the habit of taking my husband along with me to most appointments. He isn't a fan, thinks it makes him look like an overbearing, abusive type. Funny thing is, no one, not one single HCP has ever raised that concern. Instead, they treat me with more respect and consideration when he's there. They listen to me. They listen to him when he speaks up on my behalf. It's bonkers.

That said, my current doctor now does a pretty great job of listening to me on her own and we seem to have a great vibe even when my husband isn't along.

I would take a rent a transmen, depending how she looks like, I would feel comforted that she's a woman but an emotional support nigel can work too. I think a middle aged man works the best. Last psychtr. a woman told me I needed a boyfriend in the middle of pandemic. Like my stomach issues were fixed with a ton of antibiotics. got like 300 doses? No with a boyfriend. I went with a support dad to the consults that really helped. Like new Psychtr. was good but also went with the support dad. We have to get female doctors when possible. But even them have internalized misogyny

[–] hmimperialtortie cats plz 11 points

How can doctors just not turn up for a medical appointment?

Oh trust me, they can. It's not like they'll be billed for not showing up.

[–] hmimperialtortie cats plz 2 points

That just seems so bizarre to me. Of course I only see them at their clinics, so they’re there anyway. Are they supposed to be visiting you at home?

They just don't show up. It's happened to me too. I don't stay at a clinic after that happens, but yeah.

[–] hmimperialtortie cats plz 3 points

They fail to turn up at a clinic? Where the devil are they beforehand?

I went to see a (white male) neurologist three times; three times, his staff said was “running late” or “had to step out for a minute.” I never met the man. The third appointment, they actually called me and asked me to come two hours early so they could close early for the holiday, and I preceded to sit in the waiting room the full two hours before my original appointment and still never saw him. I called my insurance company and said if he tried to bill for any appointments, don’t fucking pay, because outside of a flashy light test thing another staff member did the first appointment when he never showed up, I never actually saw the man or got any care.

[–] Luckystar 3 points Edited

It's only happened to me a couple times (thankfully). One was for a telehealth appointment so they simply didn't make the call at the scheduled time. Another, in person, they told me the doctor was unavailable but didn't explain why. Granted it could have been an emergency or something but I got the impression it was just a scheduling failure

We should not have to pay for this. They have a big debt they owe us and this is one (1) way they can start to pay it off.

This is an interesting observation. I had no idea this happens. Because I am Deaf, I always have an ASL interpreter present at my doctor's appointments (sometimes men, sometimes women). I think because there is another professional in the room, the doctor has no choice but to stay and listen as well as respond to all of my questions. Before my husband passed away 5 years ago, I usually accompany him to his doctor's office and vice versa - I think it is because we wanted to make sure communication happens due to our language barriers, so having each other plus ASL interpreter helped us. Also, there is a legal component: lawsuits have been brought against doctors and their facilities for not providing ASL interpreters, so doctors have to be able to answer all of our questions before we are satisfied.

Load more (1 comment)