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Sex positivity never cured slut shaming. Sex only means something when men say it does. Sex doesn't mean anything when men say it doesn't. The only mistake is following their lead.

I think Moira Donegan made some good points, but I read Louise Perry’s “The Case Against the Sexual Revolution” in two days and it was very impactful to be as a young Gen-Z woman in its examination of the present state of sex and dating among the heterosexuals.

I think Moira’s examination of the gay cruising scene as a place of “availability of sex and the ability to refuse sex” was interesting, however, I do think there is a darker aspect to cruising and promiscuity (even among gay men) that is lost in her vignette. I recently read Randy Shilt’s “And the Band Played On” and his account on the AIDS epidemic, though multifaceted, empathetic, and keenly aware of the horror of the epidemic also discussed the problems of extreme promiscuity in the gay community when people making love and becoming more connected with others would give way to a hedonistic (and almost addictive) pursuit of more intense sensations to the point where the other person’s body is just an object.

There’s more women risk in sexual encounters than rape (even though that is the biggest one). Even in consensual, mutually enjoyable trysts, the threat of pregnancy is almost always there. One of my first sexual encounters with a man was very mutually enjoyable and a good overall experience, but the thought was present at all times in my mind was that I was risking much more in this situation than he was. When he gripped me by my collarbone mid coitus, I was extremely conscious of the fact that if he moved his thumb an inch, he would have his hand around my neck and he could strangle me right in my bed. This was a thought very stark in my mind as a girl who had seen boys at school snicker around a phone playing porn of a girl being strangled and spat upon before a man pressed her head down into the mattress with a foot.

I am a bit skeptical about the idea that feminists can build a future where a woman could have sex with men the way men have sex with men, at least in any near term. I think Louise Perry offered a blueprint that will likely be unpopular with many feminist women, but if you’re a heterosexual woman who wants children and a certain amount of security to raise them, a monogamous marriage is probably your best bet. I’ve watched cohabitation leave countless women holding the bag (and baby) when their boyfriend abandons them. A husband can abandon a wife too, but there’s legal ties and financial obligations imposed on him by the state. More insurance. The only other way to raise kids is in a co-op or commune among women, but I think those have their own fragility.

I think some people will miss the illusion of sex positivity. But that's all it ever was.

I should add, I hated Lousie Perry's book. If the best we can hope for is heterosexual marriage, all hope is lost. We should just give up on feminism now. There has to be a solution to the problem of male domination that is actually good for women. It ain't marriage, that's for sure. And it ain't so-called sex positivity.

[–] hmimperialtortie cats plz 7 points

“We’ll miss it when it’s gone”?

Speak for yourself, Ms Donegan.

Hmm I haven't read Louise Perry's books but I've heard some of her interviews and I really didn't see her as some kind of creepy trad-GF-supporting conservative, maybe the book was more like that?

This article was totally insufferable though and just as lacking in self-examination as it accused the book of being. I'm really tired of hearing things like "sex can be utopian!!!" And yes we should acknowledge that there is inherent inequality in the sexual landscape between men and women and yes I'm pretty sure Dworkin and MacKinnon acknowledged that too...

That was brilliant.

Edit: I see that most people here don’t agree and I feel the need to elaborate. Without going on at too much length, yes, sex is broken since Internet porn took over, but it wasn’t always that way. Also, the writer acknowledges the good reasons why women couldn’t be equal participants in the first wave of sexual liberation.