118

It drives me up the wall when men complain about the stigmas they face when it comes to mental health. Therapy is something that exists, they don't ban men from it, you just don't want your bros mocking you the way they mock women who have mental health issues. Men are incredibly cruel to mentally ill women, to the point of targeting us to sexually and emotionally and physically abuse us because they know we're more vulnerable. Men mock us for the emotional issues caused by abusive or neglectful fathers. Men relentlessly accuse us of faking disorders for attention or lying or being pathetic and weak whenever we're open about our struggles, or even if we just dare to be attractive and struggling. Obviously all beautiful women live life on easy mode so they're all faking it for... pity? Tumblr clout? Instagram likes??

Men are incredibly fucking cruel to us, regardless of how we look! It's not EASIER to be a mentally ill woman, women are just more likely to be responsible and mature enough to seek help from people who are qualified and paid to deal with our problems when we need it.

And a lot of these same men? Looooove using the women in their lives as therapists and agony aunts. I cannot tell you how many times a dude I don't even know has started talking to me about all his issues mere minutes/hours/days after meeting me. I cannot tell you how many times each of my friends and I have been used as a living emotional crutch by some random dude who thinks that US helping THEM means that we owe them sex. I cannot tell you how many times I had to be my father's emotional support as a child. And then they'll turn right back around and talk shit about mentally ill women when mentally ill men are the ones so much more likely to hurt other people. They just hate mentally ill women for existing, for having the audacity to struggle. Don't we know that having a vagina means that everything is easier for us?!

So I have very little patience with men struggling to open up about their mental health to their bros. That is their responsibility, a problem that toxic masculinity has perpetuated. Women are BEGGING men to go to therapy and stop dumping this on us. THERAPISTS would be more than willing to get more clients. Men simply don't want to perform the emotional labor and introspection that therapy requires of them. The only thing they seem to want is pity sex.

It drives me up the wall when men complain about the stigmas they face when it comes to mental health. Therapy is something that exists, they don't ban men from it, you just don't want your bros mocking you the way they mock women who have mental health issues. Men are incredibly cruel to mentally ill women, to the point of targeting us to sexually and emotionally and physically abuse us because they know we're more vulnerable. Men mock us for the emotional issues caused by abusive or neglectful fathers. Men relentlessly accuse us of faking disorders for attention or lying or being pathetic and weak whenever we're open about our struggles, or even if we just dare to be attractive and struggling. Obviously all beautiful women live life on easy mode so they're all faking it for... pity? Tumblr clout? Instagram likes?? Men are incredibly fucking cruel to us, regardless of how we look! It's not EASIER to be a mentally ill woman, women are just more likely to be responsible and mature enough to seek help from people who are qualified and paid to deal with our problems when we need it. And a lot of these same men? Looooove using the women in their lives as therapists and agony aunts. I cannot tell you how many times a dude I don't even know has started talking to me about all his issues mere minutes/hours/days after meeting me. I cannot tell you how many times each of my friends and I have been used as a living emotional crutch by some random dude who thinks that US helping THEM means that we owe them sex. I cannot tell you how many times I had to be my father's emotional support as a child. And then they'll turn right back around and talk shit about mentally ill women when mentally ill men are the ones so much more likely to hurt other people. They just hate mentally ill women for existing, for having the audacity to struggle. Don't we know that having a vagina means that everything is easier for us?! So I have very little patience with men struggling to open up about their mental health to their bros. That is their responsibility, a problem that toxic masculinity has perpetuated. Women are BEGGING men to go to therapy and stop dumping this on us. THERAPISTS would be more than willing to get more clients. Men simply don't want to perform the emotional labor and introspection that therapy requires of them. The only thing they seem to want is pity sex.

38 comments

[–] BlackCirce 36 points (+37|-1)

Men make a conscious choice between getting help for their problems but being weak and feminine, or pretending they don’t have a problem and being masculine. They actively choose being in pain, being dysfunctional, being hyper aggressive, abusive, broken and sui- and or homocidal over being emasculated. It’s their choice and it’s not the goal of the women’s liberation movement to convince men to be more feminine to save their lives.

The idea that it’s somehow “easier” for women to be mentally ill, propped up by suicide completion rates, right along side the idea that it’s “easier” and less humiliating for women to report sexual assault/rape and domestic violence allows men to persist in their fantasy that they are the ones truly oppressed. That relieves them of any political or social responsibility to improve women’s condition.

I think therapy makes men worse anyway, because therapy involves validation of the patient’s feelings and a lot of men’s mental problems come from their sense of entitlement. Just ask them. They’re mad about: random women who won’t have sex with them, wives who won’t cook what they want or get the boob job they want, girlfriends who work in high powered jobs, kids who won’t obey etc. The last thing these entitled men need is a 26 year old woman in a pencil skirt and heels telling them “wow your wife sounds like she has internalized misogyny, the way she keeps haranguing you about your porn viewing habits.” And if therapists do have the gall to tell these entitled men that they need to get themselves together and make positive changes that don’t involve giving the women in their lives extra emotional burdens, men individually and as a group will come down on therapy as “misandrist” and refuse to participate.

It all comes down to choice. Women choose to go to therapy and try to improve ourselves, because we want to, because we’ve been told there must be something wrong with us, because we don’t want to hurt our families by killing ourselves. We deal with the stigma of being madwomen, of being labeled unreliable and irrational, and we power through. That’s just yet another way women are better than men. Men don’t want to be associate with our strength, our sociability, our commitment to the community. They want to be manly. Let them!

[–] FireproofWitch 26 points (+27|-1)

It’s an excellent point you’ve raised about men and therapy. The number of times I’ve heard abusive men use the language they learned in therapy to gaslight their partners and make them walk on eggshells can’t be a coincidence. They go to therapy not to improve themselves, but to find another avenue to bring down the people around them and get others to cater to their emotional whims.

Men’s collective mental health and sense of self will truly improve, I’d wager, when they navel gaze less about their perceived ‘loss’ of rights, and instead choose to shoulder more of the responsibility in creating a better world.

[–] Alecto 8 points (+8|-0)

I don't understand how men can take everything good in this world and manage to turn it into a weapon.

[–] levitation [OP] 1 points (+1|-0)

Yeah therapy usually makes abusive men WORSE unless the therapist knows ahead of time, usually via court mandate, that they're dealing with an abuser. Abusive men are masterful manipulators and liars who often accuse their victims of verbally or emotionally abusing them and thus "provoking" whatever physical violence they mete out.