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It drives me up the wall when men complain about the stigmas they face when it comes to mental health. Therapy is something that exists, they don't ban men from it, you just don't want your bros mocking you the way they mock women who have mental health issues. Men are incredibly cruel to mentally ill women, to the point of targeting us to sexually and emotionally and physically abuse us because they know we're more vulnerable. Men mock us for the emotional issues caused by abusive or neglectful fathers. Men relentlessly accuse us of faking disorders for attention or lying or being pathetic and weak whenever we're open about our struggles, or even if we just dare to be attractive and struggling. Obviously all beautiful women live life on easy mode so they're all faking it for... pity? Tumblr clout? Instagram likes??

Men are incredibly fucking cruel to us, regardless of how we look! It's not EASIER to be a mentally ill woman, women are just more likely to be responsible and mature enough to seek help from people who are qualified and paid to deal with our problems when we need it.

And a lot of these same men? Looooove using the women in their lives as therapists and agony aunts. I cannot tell you how many times a dude I don't even know has started talking to me about all his issues mere minutes/hours/days after meeting me. I cannot tell you how many times each of my friends and I have been used as a living emotional crutch by some random dude who thinks that US helping THEM means that we owe them sex. I cannot tell you how many times I had to be my father's emotional support as a child. And then they'll turn right back around and talk shit about mentally ill women when mentally ill men are the ones so much more likely to hurt other people. They just hate mentally ill women for existing, for having the audacity to struggle. Don't we know that having a vagina means that everything is easier for us?!

So I have very little patience with men struggling to open up about their mental health to their bros. That is their responsibility, a problem that toxic masculinity has perpetuated. Women are BEGGING men to go to therapy and stop dumping this on us. THERAPISTS would be more than willing to get more clients. Men simply don't want to perform the emotional labor and introspection that therapy requires of them. The only thing they seem to want is pity sex.

It drives me up the wall when men complain about the stigmas they face when it comes to mental health. Therapy is something that exists, they don't ban men from it, you just don't want your bros mocking you the way they mock women who have mental health issues. Men are incredibly cruel to mentally ill women, to the point of targeting us to sexually and emotionally and physically abuse us because they know we're more vulnerable. Men mock us for the emotional issues caused by abusive or neglectful fathers. Men relentlessly accuse us of faking disorders for attention or lying or being pathetic and weak whenever we're open about our struggles, or even if we just dare to be attractive and struggling. Obviously all beautiful women live life on easy mode so they're all faking it for... pity? Tumblr clout? Instagram likes?? Men are incredibly fucking cruel to us, regardless of how we look! It's not EASIER to be a mentally ill woman, women are just more likely to be responsible and mature enough to seek help from people who are qualified and paid to deal with our problems when we need it. And a lot of these same men? Looooove using the women in their lives as therapists and agony aunts. I cannot tell you how many times a dude I don't even know has started talking to me about all his issues mere minutes/hours/days after meeting me. I cannot tell you how many times each of my friends and I have been used as a living emotional crutch by some random dude who thinks that US helping THEM means that we owe them sex. I cannot tell you how many times I had to be my father's emotional support as a child. And then they'll turn right back around and talk shit about mentally ill women when mentally ill men are the ones so much more likely to hurt other people. They just hate mentally ill women for existing, for having the audacity to struggle. Don't we know that having a vagina means that everything is easier for us?! So I have very little patience with men struggling to open up about their mental health to their bros. That is their responsibility, a problem that toxic masculinity has perpetuated. Women are BEGGING men to go to therapy and stop dumping this on us. THERAPISTS would be more than willing to get more clients. Men simply don't want to perform the emotional labor and introspection that therapy requires of them. The only thing they seem to want is pity sex.

38 comments

[–] overandout -2 points (+0|-2)

What? Its valid for men to complain about mental health stigma in society overall. It is completely fair to point out that men are also doing much of the stigmatizing but how do we expect it to change if men don't start complaining about it?

[–] Tokenmom 7 points (+7|-0)

I question if mental health really is as stigmatized for men as they claim. For as often as you go on Preddit (or anywhere else really) and see stories of men being abusive to their wives/girlfriends/etc. or never helping out around the house, there are a hundred armchair diagnoses of autism or adhd or something else excusing the behavior.

[–] levitation [OP] 1 points (+1|-0)

The reason that autism is harder to diagnose in girls is because parents, teachers, and peers are so much harder on neurodivergent female children than male. They're forced to learn to mask better, whereas boys use their diagnosis as an excuse to be racist, sexist, rude, etc.

[–] [Deleted] 8 points (+8|-0)

men are incredibly cruel to mentally ill women.

something else that makes me angry is how the public narrative has shifted to thinking that mental illness is a men’s issue, or that mental illness is somehow worse in men. this just isn’t true. men are more likely to die by suicide, but women are more likely to attempt suicide. mental illness is just as severe in women as it is in men, and stigma isn’t somehow easier to deal with.

[–] Laurel 9 points (+9|-0)

In my experience, men with a diagnosed mental illness expect the world to accommodate them. It's never their job to try to get better, and it's perfectly fine for such men to rage at and terrify us. Can't we see they're sick?

But a crying woman is ALWAYS trying to manipulate him. Always. She's a thing that is supposed to function to make him feel better; how dare she be broken? She's being mentally ill at him just for spite!

[–] shewolfoffrance 4 points (+4|-0)

It's never that he said or did something cruel. She's just trying to manipulate him into not screaming at her that she's a b*tch.

And then it takes one woman with mental illness to become "women are crazy". But one mentally ill man after the other doing crazy, sick things, and suddenly it's the individual's problem.

As a woman with a lot of issues, I feel enourmous pressure to not be "one crazy woman". I've had numerous panick attacks where I went on to hide to soothe myself to avoid being treated like another attention seeking woman.

Also, typical male behaviour to expect that women clean up after them.

[–] immersang 10 points (+10|-0)

And then it takes one woman with mental illness to become "women are crazy". But one mentally ill man after the other doing crazy, sick things, and suddenly it's the individual's problem.

It's like when a female politician screws up, this is reason to say that "it's no surprise when people won't vote for a woman next time!". When based on that logic, no man should have the right to run for political office ever again.

As you said: Every woman is a stand-in for the entirety of our sex. Men are individuals.

[–] Alecto 6 points (+6|-0)

Every woman is a stand-in for the entirety of our sex. Men are individuals.

Caveat: Every woman is a stand-in for the entirety of our sex when we behave poorly. Men are individuals when they behave poorly, unless they are exceptional in some way--then they are a stand-in for the entirety of their sex.

[–] immersang 4 points (+4|-0)

True! Very important correction actually, since men love taking credit for inventions other men did or things other men built.

[–] birdcore 17 points (+17|-0)

There is a thread on Reddit front page right now with a video of a man destroying a plant in a fit of rage in a public area. Most of the comments are “he probably received bad news or his gf cheated, at least he didn’t punch anyone, poor guy :3 he’s going home to his family and he’s not going to beat them up”

Like, the bar is in hell. Never mind that flying into rage fits on inanimate objects means he probably escalates to animals and people. They’re excusing vandalism just because men can have a bad day.

If this was a woman who had a bad day and snapped at someone, Redditors would call her Karen and fantasize about punching her in the face. But being a raging violent male is a-ok!

[–] [Deleted] 18 points (+18|-0) Edited

Then there's the men who do seek help but are fired by their own therapists because they're too toxic for even professionals to handle. This is a true story: an ex-boyfriend of mine had been going to therapy for a while when we met. Fast-forward a few months and his (female) therapist tells him she can't continue treating him but can recommend other therapists. The reason? He told her sometimes he fantasized about hurting her and humiliating her. I guess he couldn't handle having a woman be more reasonable than him, which really wasn't difficult because this guy had the introspection capabilities of a parrot. Anyway, she understandably told him to fuck off and he never got in touch with another therapist.

Some men are ticking bombs and you can almost feel the danger. It's terrifying and nobody seems to be paying attention.

[–] hypatia -7 points (+4|-11)

Men are not a monolith. There are plenty of men who are bullied terribly by other men; men who are exploited for their labor by other men, etc.

Treating any one man like they are responsible for the actions of all men is just as nonsensical as when men do it to us. That's not to say we shouldn't be cautious of men generally.

Mental illness is stigmatized because it causes problems in the lives of those suffering and the people around them. Things aren't considered an ailment unless they are negatively impacting the person (literally the origin of "disease"). Blaming one sex or the other for it doesn't make sense to me. I think that women suffering from severe mental illness are targeted for predation in a way men probably don't have to deal with, which sucks.

[–] ShingleShake 6 points (+6|-0) Edited

Correct, they're not a monolith, but I do see a particular pattern amongst them and have yet to see the opposite. The pattern being that if they have mental strife, they're way less likely to work on it themselves and much more likely to try to spin it around and pin the blame on others. A boy gets bullied? He turns around and starts to bully his younger sister. Same boy grows up to be a man who refuses to even consider talking to a therapist and looks at the very idea with repulsion, but continuously uses said sister to unload all his emotional baggage on - after she's been beaten into having low enough self esteem in order to cater to him. But does he actually attempt to work on himself? Not really, instead he continues to use his sister as a means to re-write the narrative to soothe his ego rather than ever having to work on his shit character. And the sister allows it, she capitulates to him, because she's been molded to do so from a very young age.

The narrative is consistently enforced and perpetuated by men: boys will be boys. You can't try to make a man into something he's not - otherwise he's not a man! People like JP even perpetuate this false narrative, that trying to raise a boy to actually be introspective and work on himself rather than trying to mold the rest of the world to cater to him would be an attack on manhood and men as a whole. We start it so young; "Boys tease little girls because really they actually like them! That's their way of showing it". And we tell this to little girls, and they internalize it and expect this behavior and excuse it - it's part and parcel of being male, right? Boys are just so shit at recognizing their own emotions, teehee, we need to be so patient and guide them! Constant are the excuses for men's behavior, when are they really told to look within themselves and work on themselves? Can you think of an example of that?

Sounds like a man problem to me.

They shouldn't expect women to fix it, they shouldn't blame women for it. They should leave us alone.

[–] arachne 13 points (+13|-0)

Thanks for this post! As a woman with mental illness, the men with mental illnesses in my family abused me and used me to coddle their feelings and concerns about being bad people. The men I know with mental illnesses make me the one person to vent to and one called me his "Emotional support arachne." Some of the guys do the "You are the only person I have ever told" thing, but then when it comes to me and my need for support or even just...being a friend, I realize they just want me as a free therapist.

I have also had people say the "wow she looks crazy and as if she would be good in bed" to male partners before. I have been mocked, insulted, harassed for my struggles. I get the fact that going to therapy and working on yourself, dealing with your issues is TOUGH. It is tough for me, too, and other women! But women should not have to be teachers, mommies, therapists, etc for every man she gets close to. NONE of them have an idea of emotional labor or introspection, like you said! It feels almost impossible to have a balanced relationship with a man as a relative, friend, or romantic partner sometimes.

[–] glorygreens 24 points (+24|-0)

Boo hoo.

All the poor men. Soldiers and cops are regularly called into mental health care but they can't go because gee whiz, the other fellas would rib em awful hard. And those are some manly men! If they can't do it. what's the average guy supposed to do?

How quickly they've come to blame women for the system their granddaddies put in place to get rid of the inconvenient women in their lives.

Why it used to be so easy for men to get shut of loud women, frigid women, women who wanted to screw everyone but them. Used to be they could just lock us up in a nut hatch, after all. Go get em a new one. But then the loony bins got shut down. Worse, horror of horrors, men began having to pay us crazy bitches child support rather than just forgetting the 1st 40 years of their lives and making new, more agreeable families with their mistresses. Imagine the torment.

The institutions are gone but the stigma remains. Women are still "crazy" but since men can no longer ship us off on a whim (it takes money and patience) they prefer to feel oppressed that they are not explicitly afforded the social grace to be violently insane with no repercussions.

Yanno I just had a thought - wherever you stand on GC ideology, men have wanted to be women for a very long time.

Lord I wish we were more like elephants.

[–] Lioness 21 points (+21|-0)

I saw a post on peddit recently that was men complaining exactly the other side you are saying here and it bugged me but I couldn’t put it down in words and you just did! Thank you!

Men criticize women who say they want to be an ally to mental health awareness, because they assume that a woman saying she wants to remove stigma automatically equates to “she should let me rant to her unprompted” in their brains. They still inherently view women as a mom or therapist like you said. Notice how they never complain about men who want to increase mental health awareness?

I’m so sick of men expecting women to fix their problems. Go pay money to another man to listen to your bullshit.

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