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41 comments

[–] furyosa no, thank you 31 points

In a world where women are co-equal partners in sexual pleasure, of course it makes sense to expect that a woman would leave the moment something was done to her that she didn't like.

I fight for this world to become a reality.

[–] BlackCirce 🔮🐖🐖🐖 26 points

I’ve read this a dozen times since it was published and I always enjoy it. Only thing missing is this is all arranged. It’s not an accident, men arranged culture this way for their benefit at our expense. Our pain, their pleasure. Our labor, their leisure. They can end it at any time but they won’t.

This is an excellent article. It resonates on many levels. It's so engrained, it can be difficult to see. Water we swim in was apt. They refuse to see our labor as acknowledging it works mean admitting they didn't achieve it all in they own and that hurts their egos..... I had a moment of realisation the other day when I suddenly seen that, yes, men could ease so much if not all of the discrimination of they choose to do so! It made me start as it was suddenly so clear. I'm loving learning about Radical Feminism. The world is slowly but surely making more sense to me!

Why didn't I leave, even though the man who sexuality assaulted wasn't putting a gun to me head or physically restraining me?

Two reasons:

  1. This was the first time I was staying over at his place. It was in a city unfamiliar to me and it was late. I wouldn't have been able to find my way to the train station by myself. Stupid mistake, but why would I have factored in needing a escape plan from the man I was dating? If I had thought I would need one, I wouldn't have dated him.

  2. I had said "NO" to so many of his "suggestions/requests" already that I felt like I owed him. He was whining about my "NO" every time. Why did I feel that way? Because I grew with the tit for tat attitude that if someone was "nice" to me I would be "nice" in return. "Nice" behavior in men is as simple as a men NOT yelling at you, NOT insulting you and showing you basic politeness. So when one of his suggestions was not as disgusting to me as the previous twenty had been, I felt like I couldn't say "no" anymore.

Mind you, I never said "YES" and when I finally stopped saying "no" I couldn't have been less enthusiastic, which after a few months of dating would have been obvious to him. I blamed myself back then, but I don't anymore I blame him. To even the most casual observer it was obvious I wasn't into it, but he didn't care. Only his pleasure mattered to him. He never had my consent and that makes it text-book sexual assault.

Fuck him and every men who acts like that.They know what they are doing. It's time we hold them accountable.

[–] VestalVirgin 15 points Edited

"Niceness" really is a curse.

I am pretty sure I once only evaded being pressured into sex by telling the guy who wanted to stay over night that my parents wouldn't approve. And I was ever so glad to still be living with my parents at that moment. My parents, of course, couldn't care less, but in that moment, I felt it was preferable to paint my parents as strict conservatives who wouldn't allow their young adult daughter to have male overnight guests rather than just tell him that I, myself, just did not want him to stay. Because that would have hurt his feelings.

Looking at it objectively, it is madness to prioritize male feelings over women's physical safety, but ... it's so normalize. (I mean, the whole trans insanity is all about prioritizing male feelz over women's safety)

I was in a similar situation when I was in med school. I met a guy at orientation, and since he lived down the hall from me I thought it would be nice to make a new friend. I had never been very social and really only had a couple friends who didn't live anywhere near me. I was alone with no social support.

I wasn't used to male attention and was terribly naive, so when I went to his apartment and he started putting the moves on me I went with it. This started an exchange where he would contact me when he was horny, and I would say okay. From the beginning it wasn't what I wanted, as I knew he had a girlfriend a few hours away, but I never said no for so many reasons. Looking back I feel guilty for being weak and stupid.

I had wanted a study partner and a friend, but he wanted a moist crevice on call. He got what he wanted, but I didn't, and it hurt. So finally one night, he came over and settled on the bed reading a magazine while I studied. I kept asking him to come study, and he would pat the bed, and I'd ignore him. Finally, I told him he was going to have to leave if he wasn't going to study, and he laughed at me. I tried to push him out of my apartment, but he just kept laughing at me. It never occurred to me to call the police because he wasn't really hurting me, you know? I didn't have anyone else to call who would come help.

So I did what I knew would get him out of my place. And after, I fell apart. My performance tanked, and I ended up having to repeat my first year, which didn't work out. I was given the option to resign, so I did. I feel like it ruined a good portion of my life, but things did get better. I'm okay now.

he wanted a moist crevice on call.

You have a way with words. That… pretty much sums up what a hell of a lot of men just want.

He was trespassing at that point, so you could have called the police. Not admonishing you, just in case you're in this situation again.

I know this now. This all happened when I was in my early 20s, and I'm almost 50 now. Thank you for the info, though.

I'm so sorry for how that played out!

It's a really good example of how these "trivial" events are pivotal in women's lives.

If only this article could be assigned as mandatory reading for every 12-year-old.

Am i really shallow or what? Is this a generational thing?

I'm always amazed at the lack of self-respect, pride, whatever many men seem to have. If having sex with you hurts, or leaves women unsatisfied, you're just a stupid, clueless wanker.

Its not as these are inexperienced teen agers, these blokes have been utterly useless for years.

No, not a generational thing. I'm older than you and it all matches my experience.

To be honest I was thinking "generational" in the other way. Coming of age in the late 70s, it seemed that the measure of competitive virility was our (mens) ability to 'give' women orgasms, Of course, believing that we were the generation that invented sex, we assumed that previous generations just laid back and thought of England.

Now it seams that the measure of virility is how much pain, damage and degradation you can impose on women.

Men of your generation act the same way. This problem spans all generations because men as a class have never cared about women's pleasure - and when they do, it's as you describe where they only care about stroking their own ego, which is not the same as actual concern.

Maybe you should talk to your fellow males about this instead of bragging about "your generation."

I have a hard time understanding any of it. I just don't get this impulse to be nice to assholes. I guess I never absorbed female socialization the way others did, but the mentality is so foreign to me.

Aren't you the naturally masculine straight woman? Good for you, in any case.

I'm one of them. I think there are a couple of others here. I suppose it was easier for me to ignore female social cues because I never desired social approval based on that.

Sure but then the question becomes: why didn't you desire social approval based on that? I think the answer directly contradicts blank-slatism.

This is the first time I've seen this article. Thank you! As always, I'm furious at the obvious inequity in medical research.

This is excellent and would be a great reading to assign in a Sexual Ethics class. I've found The Week to be one of the few publications that has not given in to gender-woo. Thanks for posting this