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Biographies and MemoirsHas anyone read Susan Faludi's 'In The Darkroom'?
Posted July 24, 2022 by [Deleted] in Books

I wanted to reread Backlash since it seems very relevant for the times we are living through and came across a new books she wrote in 2016, In The Darkroom.

It is about her father who skipped out on them when she was still a child and she eventually found living in Hungary, as a woman.

From some snippets here and there I get the impression her father was an abusive narc who eventually abandoned his family and then later transitioned, but the book was nominated for a Pulitzer. I can't imagine a gender critical book receiving such a nomination.

Has anyone read it? Would you recommend it?

12 comments

zuubatJuly 24, 2022(Edited July 24, 2022)

I read it before knowing much at all about genderism, but was struck by the effort she made to accommodate his cruelties. I was also reminded of how extraordinarily lucky I am to have had a good dad.

It is self-evident that bad dads, like hers, breed feminists, like her. Perhaps counterintuitive, but my experience tells me that good dads breed feminists, too. I was never forced to tolerate neglect or disrespect, much less abuse from a man, and so I never did. Not for five minutes. Perhaps that’s why I, as hetero as they come, have been partnerless pretty much my entire life.

real_feministJuly 24, 2022
[Deleted]July 24, 2022

Thank you. It's pretty much what I imagined from the book. I think I will check it out. I think it will explain a lot, but I would have high hopes or expectations.

[Deleted]July 24, 2022

I just watched a few interviews and her father, who was violent and abusive, caused her to become a feminist in the first place. This is unreal.

ArtemisCitrineJuly 24, 2022

You make a good point---would this book even be considered for a Pulitzer today? I have to guess no.

[Deleted]July 25, 2022

I read it, having loved Backlash. I feel like she tried to steer a middle path re acceptance of her father's transness -- it was obvious even then you could get cancelled for that. I also wondered as I read it 'what does she really think' but maybe that was a projection.

If you want a critique of TWAW, it's obviously not there, but it's still a good book, as I recall. (It's been a while, so what would I think now?) He father was clearly a total asshole -- her mother left him when Susan was 12, and her mother is totally absent from this book, I assume because when written she was (is she still?) still alive, whereas her father had died. But it's hard not to want to know what she thought about it all...

It's about identity, not just TRA-style, but also her father's Jewish identity. He was Hungarian and had to pretend to be a gentile during WWII to save his own skin, and -- it gets worse -- had to pretend to be a Nazi to save his parents. (Hope I remember this right.) How could one not be fucked up about, well, so much in life having gone through that? Nevertheless, per above, he really treated his family horribly...violent and controlling.

Also as I recall, Faludi used 'he' when writing about her, uh, father before his transition, then 'she'.

UnderstandersonJuly 25, 2022(Edited July 25, 2022)

Ooh--I didn't even know this existed. Thanks for posting about it!

'Backlash' was a hugely influential book for me as a teen. I remember how grossly misogynistic culture was at the time. Women's fashion was crop tops you desperately wanted to pull down with low-rider jeans you desperately wanted to pull up. Thong underwear, which I remember seeing piled up, no takers, on clearance tables in the '80s (poop on a string--ew!), were suddenly something every woman was supposed to wear. This was when men started insisting women shave off all our pubic hair. The fashionable persona for women was baby voice, baby barrettes in the hair, t-shirts cut for a 10-year-old and beating men to the punch by exploiting ourselves for them and calling it 'empowering.' The women comedians on SNL were mostly there to perform misogynistic stereotypes, and Rush Limbaugh had just given men the word 'feminazi' to club as all with whenever we dared express an opinion that wasn't theirs. Anal sex was added to the required repertoire of sexual chores for women.

Susan Faludi pointed this all out and explained why it was happening with such stunning clarity. I'll be fascinated to read this memoir.

drdeeisbackJuly 24, 2022

Yes, it was OK, I wouldn't necessarily recommend it. Her dad's story is kind of interesting, and she describes his textbook AGP behaviour if you're interested in a case study. If you want to read more Faludi I'd recommend The Terror Dream.

[Deleted]July 24, 2022

Thank you for the recommendation. I think I'll read both after I am done with Backlash.

drdeeisbackJuly 24, 2022

Stiffed is also pretty worthwhile!

notapatsyJuly 24, 2022

I read it in the summer of 2016, when I was trying to decide whether I could continue to stay married to my TIM. Ultimately, I think the book capitulated to her desire not to be attacked. Although an early chapter rehearses the gender critical arguments against men who declare they are women in men's bodies, as the book progresses she is ever more ready to jettison a critical stance, in favor of accepting her father's decision to be a woman. I'd say that what she ultimately does is say, in essence, "My father had so many mental problems it's difficult to tease out the individual strands, and I want to be compassionate." I found it highly unsatisfying, and felt she'd compromised her feminism.

[Deleted]July 25, 2022

That was my impression as well. She seemed completely forgiving of her father's assholeism.