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arete [OP]February 24, 2023
An overwhelming urge, then, is to save younger women from the abuse or just psychic damage inherent in being the sexy young thing, especially now that the erotic narrative is driven by ever more violent porn. Yet Smith drily acknowledges that years ago she too would disdain such warnings. Today’s young women are brought up to #bekind, to believe that “femininity is inclusion”, so they see the Terfs/hags who defend single-sex spaces not just as unkind, but repellent and unfeminine too.
I'm a younger woman, but the thought of being a "sexy young thing" has never crossed my mind. Maybe I'm a hag at heart - or shall I say, identify as a hag? 😆 I had somehow figured out "femininity" was a device to keep women down long before I discovered feminism.
The greatest joy of Hags is its lively erudition. Smith draws on the second-wave feminists I read as a student: Dale Spender, Andrea Dworkin, Adrienne Rich, Sheila Jeffreys and dear problematic Germaine Greer. All have fallen from fashion for no good reason except that, while every other social justice movement cherishes its elders, feminism cries wrong-think and burns them as hags. Smith deftly reconnects these snipped intellectual threads.
Victoria Smith's erudition is definitely one of my favorite things about her. It always pains me whenever a woman who claims to be GC expresses no interest in earlier feminist writings.
shewolfoffranceFebruary 24, 2023
Lol, I don't think there are a lot of women who "identify" as sexy young things. Personally, I get annoyed when people think young women are "riding the cock carousel," or whatever incels are calling it these days.
I think men (and some women) greatly overestimate how much girls and young women get to enjoy their "sexy young thing" phase. In the first place, not all women get one. In the second, most girls that age have insecurities about their weight, body hair, complexion, etc. Third, "sexy young things" do have other stuff going on in their lives besides being young and sexy. And last, but certainly not least, male attention is frequently unwanted and unenjoyable. There are some fancy dinner dates, but a lot more catcalling, flashing, dick pics, situationships, groping, ghosting, fetishists, porn addicts, and sometimes rapists.
[Deleted]February 24, 2023
As someone who has attracted unwanted male attention since toddlerhood and will probably attract it into my 90s, I wanted to be a hag in my 20s and could hardly wait. Now in my late 50s, with not-so-great health, I'm more ambivalent. I really should check out this book, though. Thanks for the archive link.
arete [OP]February 24, 2023
Yeah, declining health is certainly the major downside of growing old. I hope men will leave you alone sooner than expected though!
[Deleted]February 25, 2023
The idea of being sexy never occurred to me when I was young. When it’s been made abundantly clear by your schoolfellows of both sexes that you are ugly, that sticks, even when you despise them all as both ugly and stupid.
DianaFebruary 24, 2023
Me too! I’ve been figuring out this stuff long before I’ve been exposed to it. Makes me laugh when men say that we’ve been brainwashed by school or media. Nope! I was one of the girls bringing those thoughts to other girls if anything.
NoNameFebruary 24, 2023
I have this on pre order. I must admit, I am far happier being 50 than I was when I was 20 or 30. I have no child at home anymore, I have more money and I can do what I like. With the added value of not attracting unwanted male attention all the time. Happens occasionally now, and it's strange that men think we are upset when we no longer get their attention. This being invisible thing is wonderful.
[Deleted]February 25, 2023
I’d be as happy at 60 as 50 if my income wasn’t dependent on being my mother’s carer.
PerenelleFlamelFebruary 24, 2023
Gotta say, I agree. It's wonderful being the "Gray Woman". I can still dress up if I'm going out, but comfy errand clothing, sneakers, and my hair up in a ponytail is the best way to be.
GenXerFebruary 24, 2023
I have this book on pre-order and I can hardly wait to read it.
I'm also much happier in my 50s than I was when I was younger.
Looking forward to this one. I’ve always enjoyed Victoria Smith’s columns over the years. The main thing is the content of her writing, but she also has a beautiful way with words, she’s a very skilled, clear, and intelligent writer.