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Serious DiscussionI'm scared for the future
I'm scared that our rights as homosexuals to marry are now at jeopardy. I'm worried for future generations of lesbians to come, how their world will be. I'm 26 and I'm still single and I'm afraid that once I do find that woman, it'll be too late. I hope I'm not alone in feelings this way. What do you think is going to happen and what can we do to protect it?
What do you think is going to happen
They won't take gay marriage unless gay men act up or they get desperate to control lesbians. My opinion. In truth? I don't fucking know.
what can we do to protect it?
Absolutely nothing.
I know it sounds bleak, but I've reconciled myself to the fact that I'm probably going to be alone my entire life. I will never experience healthy reciprocal love (thanks in large part to trans fucks/straight infiltrators). Oh well. Not everyone gets to experience great things in life.
I'm going to focus on my journey as a witch, maybe one day get a dog, develop my various hobbies, and let the idea of finding a wife go because it just feels impossible and I'm tired of hurting myself by hoping.
I'm going to make my life the best I can, and if I fail at that, maybe I'll be reborn as a spoiled house cat.
^this.
No seriously. Once you embrace radical acceptance and the fact that, yes, you realistically may never find love as a gay woman, it becomes less painful. I'm not saying it ISN'T painful even after growing to accept it (it still is, and it's okay to feel that momentary sadness) but you can not dwell on things you can not change. Instead, you gave to focus on the things you can change, and where you can make positive gains in your life, be it hobbies, your job, your pets, etc...
Good plan. Incidentally, women will be more excited to date someone who has a dog and hobbies, so you might kill two birds with one stone! I know a lot of single older adults, including family members, and they say as soon as they passed their mid 30's and everyone stopped pestering them to settle down, they became totally happy with being single. I think the social pressure when you're young is really intense, particularly for women.
How come every time I bring up this extremely real concern that many other lesbians have, it gets turned into this?
I don’t want to dismiss your fear. It’s real and the current climate is anxiety inducing. But I find strength in learning about lesbian history. We’ve always had to fight for ourselves. And there are lots of amazing stories of lives lived despite adversity. We shouldn’t have to fight so hard but we have a proud history. Keep your head up, even when you feel lonely or worried.
Prefacing this by saying I'm not American, would have no issues moving to another country, and also have little interest in marriage.
I guess I see the right to marry as being two things: legal benefits, and a childhood dream you may or may not have had. And yeah, if you end up in a long-term, committed relationship, it becomes a tangible concern. What can you do? Good question.
I do wonder if a decrease in societal acceptance might bring about an increase in lesbian spaces. Ideally you'd have both, but that hasn't been the case (see: Lesbian Bar Project).
Another point to consider would be if marriages outside the US would still be recognized.
I guess I see the right to marry as being two things: legal benefits, and a childhood dream you may or may not have had.
It also protects us from getting arrested for trying to get married. Didn't know if that like, ever crossed your mind or anything.
Have you ever been partnered? What marriage is and what it brings or not to a relationship becomes a lot more... real if you are ever in a long term partnership. I am fortunate enough to have found one, I was 26 myself when I had my first relationship at all nonetheless a gay one. We are basically common law married but don't make it formal because it would make our finances harder, we don't have a lot of money and it would double or triple our healthcare costs
I respect anyone who fought for gay marriage, I think it did do a lot to normalize gay relationships and it would really hurt if it were taken away. The big gay marriage debates happened when I was a teen and in my early 20s, I think a lot of straight adults who assume homophobia has been over for a while dont understand what it was like for your formative years to have been full of open and public animosity like that.
Nonetheless marriage simply doesnt work for us and I'm still not sure we would do it even if it did, it would be more of a legal arrangement than anything. I didnt understand I was gay for a long time as a teen, so I spent my childhood being very angry at the concept of marriage lol.
There used to be a lot of legal resources for gay people who wanted to protect assets and decision making without access to legal marriage, my partner and I might talk to a lawyer once we move again because I have a hostile mom who would interfere in medical stuff if she were contacted as next of kin. Although difficult and not the same sets of rights as marriage we would have to go back to this if gay marriage wasnt available again.
My worst fear is not that gay marriage is struck down but that it becomes null because the courts recognize some legal right to ignore it based on religion, that would mean any homophobe could ignore basically any formal legal protection they wanted and we would have no recourse.
Honestly I think what the kids are going through these days with the trans stuff is far worse than what I grew up with the political homophobia about marriage everywhere, a generation of medically maimed lesbians is a huge deal.
Okay so basically this got nowhere and off topic. I thought y'all would care a bit more but as always, I'm left up to deal with it by myself.
I think if they take away gay marriage then it’ll be time to leave the usa. Yes the future isn’t looking great but compared to what our ancestors faced, its not terrible. I think if a country is making your life impossible then find a way out. Easier said than done, I know.
Yeah, I've started seriously thinking about how to move to Canada if things get any worse here. I'd feel guilty about jumping ship, but you can still vote absentee, right?
I really hope we don't lose legal marriage. However, if we do, maybe just conduct our relationships the same as always, as if we could marry, except take extra legal steps, like power of attorney, for instance to make sure our wishes are respected and our partner's rights as respected as possible.