Apologies in advance if this post breaks any rules. I just wanted to vent.

First off, this has nothing to do with that recent thread about goldstars, even though I was somewhat annoyed by it. This is more me being upset by people's dumbass "sexuality is a spectrum" comments here on Ovarit.

I'm really irritated because I'm tired of hearing that no lesbian would ever date a man for any reason, she must be bi, etc, when it just isn't true.

I have ALWAYS known I was gay. But I was raised by a sociopath who convinced me something was wrong with me and made me think I could change.

I found out the hard way I could not, and it was extremely traumatizing. And I'm pretty convinced that if I hadn't been raised by a crazed homophobe and endured years of covert narcissistic abuse, I never would have tried to be straight.

Narcissistic abuse is some of the worse abuse that a child can go through. It's a miracle I'm not sitting in a nuthouse in a catatonic state right now. (Instead, I'm just homeless and a barely functional adult.)

But few people understand the true horror of being raised by someone with NPD or how it can leave a person a mentally unstable mess, so I never EVER tell people in real life that I'm not a goldstar. Why? Because I'm sick of defending myself or being told I'm bi when I've never been attracted to a man.

You do not have to be attracted to someone to have sex with them. You know why straight men fuck each other in prison? It's not because they're gay. It's because men are good at objectifying (dehumanizing) other people. When they want to have sex with a woman, they grab a man and pretend he's a bio sex toy while thinking of a woman.

That's what it's like to be a lesbian sleeping with a man. Mentally, you are not there, you are pretending you are using a dildo, and you are off in your head. (My ex actually noticed I was not engaged mentally in the sex and got angry.)

Fuck anyone who ridicles and dismisses one of the most painful experiences of my life. So you never gave in to the pressure? So even mental illness didn't lead you to dick? Well, good for you. But I was a severely abused, mentally ill teenager with no one who loved me and no one to guide me. I didn't stand a chance.

Sexuality is not who you sleep with. It's who you're attracted to. And fuck anyone who tells me I'm bi because they didn't have to suffer the same way.

Fuck. You.