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My friends have grown tired of me complaining about the horrible dating prospects in my immediate area, but I live near a major city, so the dating apps are all fairly well populated. I finally got my act together and made a profile on one of the major ones (I have, at some point, tried all of them) and this shit is a mess. I marked that I only want to see women interested in other women, and to this app's credit, not choosing the non-binary option has kept those people away from me. It has not, however, meant that I don't see quite a few men and quite a few women who are explicitly looking for men. One woman's profile said she's a conservative who loves Jesus, and I would bet that she's not looking for a hot lesbian date any time soon. I don't know why the apps insist on showing me people who would not date me ever.
My only remaining options are HER, which I don't really want to mess with after their disastrous anti-TERF Twitter campaign recently, or crawling my way back to OKCupid to be offered up women who are drastically too young for me and couples looking for a third. I did try Giggle a few years ago just to see what Sall Grover was up to, but I didn't find anything worth my time there.
I've joined a few lesbian dating Facebook groups, but there doesn't seem to be much interest in actually dating. One group for older lesbians (I'm not quite 40) is filled with women who are freshly out of their heterosexual marriages, and they actively allow women to talk about their male partners if they're still together in some capacity. The other groups seem to post memes (and not even good ones) more than they have anything dating-related to offer. The handful of lesbian-friendly events near me are mostly populated with the queer kid crowd, and I don't have any interest in dating a danger-haired 20-something.
I've looked into in-person retreats! I even went to A-Camp back in the day, but it was a mess of TIMs and TIFs and weird vibes. There's Lez Camp in Arkansas, which seems to be its successor, but that too seems to be focusing on trans-inclusivity and is primarily run by they/thems. The only option I'm left with is MichFest's reunion, which I'm planning to go to, but that seems to be the last bastion of extended female-focused space.
Is anyone having better luck? Is there some secret I've missed out on, because my friends think I'm insane for getting these results. I'm cute, fit, employed, etc. but the dating scene just really blows as far as everything I've tried.
You said you're fit, so if you can get into the team sports crowd in your area that is a place that there are always lesbians and often of all ages, including your age. Softball, soccer, hockey, volleyball, all seem to always have lesbians. Even if you don't meet anyone while participating, I bet they also have friends that might fit your fancy. Go make friends and connections. Meeting women this way has the added perk of expanding your friend circle, too.
At this point I think the internet is one of the last places for meeting women. It's too much under the control of men and handmaidens. Real life seems to be where it's at, and sports are a huge draw for the lesbian community in my experience.
Not a bad idea! I suck at sports, but the local women's soccer scene was pretty gay until COVID hit. I'll have to see if they've started up again, though I might have missed my window for this summer.
I'm in the same boat, but more for finding lesbian friendships. Everything is TIM or "non binary" catering, and it's insane
I'm going to a lesbian event tomorrow night, so we'll see if I can conjure up anyone IRL who's not nonbinary or right out of college. The event stressed that it was "inclusive", so I might be in my personal hell, but I've already deleted HER off my phone and I'm ignoring Bumble altogether.
Just chiming in with another vote for women's sports. Great way to make friends and meet other lesbians. A woman I dated was involved in casual local women's sports teams and she had quite the network. Great way to get sunshine and exercise, too. I want to try my hand at it again. I had a lot of fun with her.
I wish I was the least bit good at sports! I'm also a femme looking for another femme, so I might be barking up the wrong tree with sports honestly, but there is something really appealing about a sporty lady with long pretty hair lol. I looked into what sports I have locally available, and there's men's softball and coed softball. Women's softball is mentioned, but seems to have been swallowed by the coed softball category. Hm, I wonder why that would be.......
I feel you on the sports thing. I’m very short and skinny with some physical issues so I wouldn’t be able to go that route to find and connect with other lesbians.
I'm also a femme looking for another femme
Same for me as well, mostly.
I would've said that you should try roller derby tournaments, but those have been infiltrated by TIMs, gender specials and beer-guzzling straight men wanting to see women in booty shorts (at least where I am).
Yes, the local roller derby is entirely captured. One of my neighbors participates. Her house is covered in rainbow flags, but she's in a long term heterosexual marriage. Maybe she's bisexual, but her house is still gayer than mine has ever been. The other women I know in roller derby are similarly paired up with men or are very on board with the gender manifesto.
I was gonna reach out and recommend the MichFest reunion if you hadn't already posted about it. Def recommend it for meeting other lesbians. If anyone reading this wants more info on it, pm me! I went last year.
MichFest is doing a reunion?
The Michigan Framily Reunion! It's much smaller, but it's still a nice time!
In my area, every lesbian I know is involved in team sports (no matter how casual), animal rescue, or both.
Forget apps, forget anything advertised as being for lesbians or "LGBTQ" - both will be crawling with men at this point.
Good luck and have fun!
I have been involved with animal rescue, but at least here, it seems to skew much older than me. Lots of retirees, though! I'm also involved in local environmental groups, which I have met lesbians there but no one I clicked with. It sounds like team sports is my last safe haven, then!