22
Got “they-themmed” for the first time the other night at my new job by my manager in front of another lesbian. I think my manager meant well, but it was shocking. I can see why she’d think I’m non-binary or whatever. I have short, butchy hair and a more masculine vibe. But I still wear makeup and a push-up bra (pls don’t shoot me fellow radfems). I consider myself femme or chapstick.
I felt disembodied after she said that, like my identity had been erased just by that one comment. Like, you can’t tell I’m a woman? It was embarrassing and humiliating. I don’t want to be categorized with people who are so narcissistic and anti-woman. Ugh. Rant over.
If this has happened to you, how have you dealt with it?
I have a few minor problems with this but here's where I really take issue.
Rape is functionally decriminalized. Saying that it being illegal doesn't change anything isn't telling the whole story. I don't know a single acquaintance or friend who has been raped who even bothered contacting law enforcement. Often there's a bunch of reasons for that, but "what's the point?" is a HUGE one. I remember the Stanford rape trial, I remember the girl who was raped by a dorm neighbor at Harvard, high profile cases with sympathetic victims where literally nothing happened to the rapists. (I mean I guess the Stanford rapist got a tiny slap on the wrist but it was a fucking joke.)
A victim who goes to law enforcement is usually treated like garbage and for what? Cops to not even bother bringing the rapist in? Oh, maybe it actually goes to trial... just for the rapist to get praised for his sport abilities in open court?
Rapists don't think twice before raping because they know that even though it's illegal there are no actual consequences. There need to be more Larry Nassars, more rapists who are actually punished. And the punishments need to be swift and severe.
If someone steals my car, that really would suck for me, it might be a horrible inconvenience and screw things up a lot, but I wouldn't have nightmares for the rest of my life about it. Why is the punishment for stealing a car harsher than rape? Why should teenage girls have to bear some weird conservative burden on having safe, healthy, age appropriate sexual interactions (and not pornsick ones - I agree that is something that also needs to change) because we refuse to lock up and actually punish men that feel like they have a right to rape?