Straight girl crush and internalized homophobia blues

Chit ChatStraight girl crush and internalized homophobia blues

Posted January 25, 2022 by ladybrainhaver in Lesbians

So I found out today that the woman I've been crushing on for a few months is straight. I can't talk about it with anyone IRL but it brought up some gross feelings and I need to have a vent among people who'll understand.

I really wish I was straight right now if I'm being honest. I'm obviously sad about this, but I also feel like a creep for being sad. She's just such a great person and so fun to talk to and I thought for sure we had chemistry. I doubt she knows I like her but I'm so scared she'll notice eventually, I haven't fallen this hard for anyone in a long time. She's GNC and everything about her screamed "GAYYY" even before I caught feelings but this whole time she genuinely was just being nice and I feel so fucking dumb. It's like I'm a high schooler feeling like a predator all over again. Of course I'm thrilled to have a friendly relationship with her but every time I see her I feel so much and I wish I could keep it at that. All I can think about is how gorgeous she is and how much I wish I could just stop seeing her that way. Evolution really fucked us over when it didn't give us an off switch for our feelings.

This also got me thinking about how bleak the lesbian dating scene is for younger women, especially those like me who love masculine women. Straight people run into each other constantly but if you want to meet other lesbians you need to go to events overrun with TIMs, use apps overrun with TIMs and other assorted genderspecials, or get extremely lucky (like I thought I did). Even then, the odds of there being mutual attraction and compatibility are vanishingly small. I'm genuinely starting to think I'll die alone. There are lots of beautiful things about being gay but at times like this I lowkey wish conversion therapy worked.

6 comments

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Possible99

February 27, 2022

(Edited February 27, 2022)

Ok but then you would have to date men, and that honestly is a punishment like no other. Also you're not alone, I have been crushing hard on this girl I can't escape from that also tricked me with the flannels, boots, and all that. I'm so sorry that this happens to us.

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MizzKing2u

January 28, 2022

I’ve never wished to be straight honestly. I have wished that being gay/lesbian wasn’t considered taboo or wrong at all. I know what being straight would mean for my life and I honestly would rather be alone.

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femlez34

January 25, 2022

I love butches too, and they are a dying breed unfortunately. It definitely sucks, but people do have luck on the apps if they're willing to wade through all the muck. Good luck to you!

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oofreesouloo

January 28, 2022

(Edited January 28, 2022)

Not to invalidate what you're feeling, because believe me, I sure as hell do. And it sucks. But believe me when I tell you it's not easier when you love feminine women like me (the opposite as you). I would argue and say it's even harder because the truth is when a woman is masculine the chances that she's gay or bi are higher than straight. When a woman is feminine, you simply don't have a clue most of the time and it's a shoot in the dark.

You could try dating apps. I usually see several butch women there and some were really nice, unfortunately not my type.

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MissMilotic

January 25, 2022

Oof that's rough. I went through something very similar last year with a flirty straight friend, and it was pretty disappointing. :( Dealing with such a small dating scene can be so frustrating!

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Sunkised

January 25, 2022

Have you tried gay bars? I see so many butch women. Not my taste

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Posted January 25, 2022 by ladybrainhaver

Score: 34

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