Just generally struggling with queer this and that

Serious DiscussionJust generally struggling with queer this and that

Posted November 20, 2024 by NotEnoughPages in Lesbians

I don't have anybody IRL to vent to, so I'm venting here.

I live in NYC, which is full of queer this and that. I have two self-identified "queer" roommates, one of whom says that she is pansexual and also a lesbian who found the right man. The other is nonbinary, asexual, bisexual, and demisexual. Both of them bring their boyfriends over almost every other night. Sometimes I can hear them having sex.
I sometimes visit one of the three lesbian bars in the city, and it is always overrun with gay men, TIMs, and heterosexual couples such that I end up being squeezed into a far corner to drink alone.
I'm in my early thirties and starting to genuinely worry that I'll never find a partner. It makes me really sad because that is definitely not what I want.
I keep getting crushes on straight women, but "even straight people have crushes on those who don't like them back" (as I have oft been told), so my experience isn't unique. (Spoiler alert: yes it is.)
I'm struggling with internalized homophobia that started as a young child. As much as I want to work on this, it is hard to tackle the issue when I live in a city - and household - overrun with rainbow-washed homophobia.

Being a lesbian isn't something I would wish on anyone these days. I'm currently reading The Disappearing L: Erasure of Lesbian Spaces and Culture by Bonnie J. Morris, wherein the author elucidates a history that began and ended before I was even born. I often hear straight people try to sympathize with my loneliness, but even those who know my feelings about transgender ideology simply can't (or refuse to) understand.

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Posted November 20, 2024 by NotEnoughPages

Score: 30

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