So I made a couple posts about a week ago about questioning my sexuality, basically wondering if I might be a lesbian because I don't seem to have any physical attraction to men and don't want to have sex with them, which is very unlike my attraction to women. However, I do seem to be okay with the idea of being with a man in a romantic capacity, which a few users pointed out, so I'm probably not a lesbian. So now I'm thinking I'm probably a Kinsey Scale 5.9 or something like that. For this reason, I feel like the term "bisexual" doesn't really fit, especially given the way most bi/het women talk about men. There's also a lot of people on the opposite end of the spectrum, who are mostly opposite sex attracted, but do experience some minor degree of same-sex attraction, and it feels weird to be lumped in with them. Are there any other bisexuals with a very strong preference for women, and very little romantic, but not sexual, attraction to men who feel this same way?
As a side note, I know a lot of people are probably going to say, "why do we need all these labels, they only divide us and make things more complicated" but if I'm being honest, I feel like having a label for my specific experience might be helpful, not just for understanding myself but also for communicating to other people. This is ultimately what labels are for, is it not? I've actually never really understood the disdain some people seem to have for labels. Labels are everywhere, language is entirely comprised of labels, they are absolutely necessary. But then when it comes to certain topics, like sexuality(I've also observed the same thing with mental illness, but from people who don't suffer from any, so it's probably a form of ableism) people seem to get all pissy about it. Why?
I think more bi women than we think are attracted in some capacity to men, but are disgusted with the idea of sleeping with them because of various reasons, but they're still bisexual. There's a diversity of possible feelings here. You can still be attracted to someone but not like the idea of sleeping with
Of course maybe you do actually have zero attraction to men, which is fine. Just putting it out there that bisexuals can have complicated relationships with their own sexuality and finding the idea of sleeping with men off-putting isn't solely a lesbian experience.
Maybe. I hadn't really thought of that, though I suppose it's possible but I wonder why? Idk, I feel like my experience doesn't really line up with any lesbians or bisexual women.
There are two sex classes.
People are attracted to same, opposite or both.
There is no way of bisexual being broader than both sexes.
Sex in sexual orientation means which sex class or classes a person is attracted to. Not how much attraction anyone has to each. Or what type of attraction. You don’t need to experience an equal amount of attraction to each sex class to be bisexual.
This kind of confusion is what happens when gender ideologues change sexual orientation to sexuality. The two are not the same thing. Your developing sexuality may vary at different times of your life, you may experience more attraction to one sex at one time and more to another at a later time. Or you might only ever be attracted to one sex until you meet the one person of the other sex you feel attracted to and remain in a relationship forever. But that doesn’t make either scenario more or less bisexual. Sexual orientation is a black and white distinction. Or you might only ever be attracted to one sex.
*wasn’t Kinsey another of the gender idiot peados? Imho I’d stay away anything from the peado brigade.
Yes, but there's different types of attraction. I'm probably not a lesbian, but do seem to have a certain repulsion to the male form.
Different types of attraction are not different sexual orientations. Conflating the two is what gender ideology feeds on.
How can you feel grossed out by sex with men and think you are attracted to them? That doesn’t sound at all like being bi.
Is it men (all men) you are grossed out by sex with? Or sex that grosses you out?
The former is sexual orientation the latter sexuality. Muddling the two isn’t healthy.
It’s ok to just not be into sex. No one has to have sexual relationships.
It's not sex that grosses me out, since it's the idea of kissing/touching a man/male anatomy. With a woman, however, it's enjoyable, and not at all gross. But in the past I've been attracted to the idea of having a boyfriend, or of being in a relationship with certain men, so that's why I( and many users here) say I'm not a lesbian.
I think labels are sometimes “dangerous” to focus too much on because as we have seen people can keep making up labels for themselves to the point where nothing has any meaning anymore.
In terms of sexuality I believe there are exactly 4 different labels that can describe every woman on the planet:
Heterosexual = a woman who likes only men
Homosexual = a woman who likes only women
Bisexual = a woman who is capable of liking women and men, whether equally or not
Asexual = I don’t think one can truly be asexual but there are people who seem to have very little or no sexual interest so this would apply to them
I personally believe every woman falls into one of the categories listed above. But sexuality doesn’t seem to be an exact science, so some people might feel like these labels fit better than other people do. Yes, bisexuality is a broad term, but so is every sexuality label. Not all lesbians are the same, and straight women aren’t either. So the same would apply to bisexuality.
Can you just say that you're on the lesbian end of the bi spectrum? That you're bi with a strong preference for women? I mean 99% of the time when you meet people I'm sure no one is talking about orientation, but if you're into a deep conversation with a friend who's asking what kind of partner you're interested in dating you can just explain it.
You can make up a new word for Kinsey 5's if you want, but you'll find that other people who adopt the label won't be exactly the same as you either. Like you'll have women who are the opposite, that don't mind having sex with men sometimes, but only want to settle down with a woman. It's probably a dream for all of us to stumble upon a group of women that have everything in common with us, but it's not that realistic. I don't have lots in common with many lesbians, even in terms of attraction pattern and sexual preferences, we're all unique.
I get that bi women who have had an actual girlfriend find that they don't have much in common with bi women who have only ever dated men, I empathize with that, but in your case you haven't dated women either. You aren't going to have a lot in common with Kinsey 5's and lesbians until you come out to everyone in your life and start publicly dating women anyways.
That's a good point, and it probably is what I'm looking for. Idk, it sucks that it won't happen, but you're right, finding a label won't fix it.
Febfem (female exclusive bisexual) would work for you mb?
I feel like that term describes women who feel sexually attracted to men and have, at least at some point in their lives, enjoyed having sex with men, but choose not to pursue it. It's hard to explain, but it's not entirely a choice for me, since actually having sex with men has always grossed me out. That's really why I don't feel I relate to the label.
If you aren't sexually attracted to men you are not bisexual.
That is true for many of them, though I've seen just as many who choose that label because they just have a strong natural inclination for other women.
So you're asexual towards them and not alloromantic. "Female exclusive bisexual" still works but also 'biromantic' 🤔
biromantic febfem if you're a label collector, or want to be specific :D
I guess, but idk I think "sexual and romantic towards women, romantic but not sexual towards men" is just a lot of words and difficult to explain. It also kind of begs the question of how you can be romantic towards someone but not sexual, how do you know these feelings are romantic if they're not sexual, and then of course what exactly is romantic attraction? It's a bit of a complicated topic.
I'm intending this post to be genuine. I'm putting this out there so thar you have a resource. There is a type of OCD that can hone in on sexuality. You because sexuality seems to be heavy on your mind right now (5 posts about it in the past 2 weeks). Perhaps a professional can help you.find some peace on this.
Wow, I never thought about that, but maybe you're right. I might bring it up at my next therapist appointment, thanks for the suggestion.
Your life will be easier as soon as you let the so-called “split attraction model” which is completely fictional, go.
Well, actually, I think trying to let go of it and lump in all remote forms of attraction as the same is what confused me. I don't know, I seem to have different types of feelings and I'm honestly just really confused about it all.
I think a romantic attraction to men is a common behavior among women of all sexualities due to comphet (cultural pressure and romanticization of men). Bisexual men and women alike tend to view men as being the more ideal romantic partner and women as being desirable only sexually.
Have you actually dated men? There might be something in the media you've watched or in your parents or other couple that you like the idea of having for yourself and don't see a female partner as offering. For example, the hero who saves the damsel in distress could be appealing in theory, because of a feeling that you need rescuing. Then it's not sex you want, but the kind of help you've been taught comes from men. This is just one example of comphet that can take hold of women, even when there's no attraction at all.
This cultural brainwashing about the romantic abilities of men and women can shift after some experience. Whether a true bisexual or not, women can learn to appreciate women as romantic partners by dating them. Women can make great partners. It does depend on the woman but we tend to have more romantic tendencies and better communication in relationships, on the average. The cultural conception of romantic men is the fantasy of lonely women and the reality couldn't be more different. Women can be warm, devoted partners who will surprise you with sweet gifts and thoughtful gestures, remember your birthdays, your family's birthdays, your favorite flowers, gems, and how to crisp your bacon just right in the morning.
IF someone has no attraction to men, even if they haven't yet banished the romantic ideas forced on them I wouldn't see them as bisexual, just confused lesbians who haven't yet become intentionally female-centered.
Feb fem? at least when it comes to talking about it online - making it very clear you don't date men and you're a female only bisexual? other than that, I do agree with not having a specific label. the people who matter, they'll expect further explanation and due to your close relationship, you'll offer it. You can make it clear that you only want to be set up with women to whomever you trust to play matchmaker and have that be that, yknow? and because you haven't been sexual with a man, there wouldn't be much to tell to your future lady. like one can say they're an athlete, and then people go "oh what sport!"
even with hetero people, they'll say they're straight but the next question, with friends and stuff, may be "ooo what's your type!" because it's expected that everyone has a different relationship to what and who they're attracted to.
Have to agree. Of course, I can't say how NTs experience sexuality, but from what I see depicted and how they speak about it, it feels... different. Which makes figuring it out twice as confusing.
Yeah they all seem to just know what they're feeling...I don't get it.
Yeah, that's probably it. I think this might be the source of my confusion, I have a lot of trouble understanding feelings in general and I don't think I've been communicating them well. I'm diagnosed with ADHD, and I'm in the process of getting tested for an Autism Spectrum Disorder(just heard back about my referral today, hooray!!)
Thanks for the encouragement. It means a lot.
My technically bisexual gf thinks the term is too broad and doesn't actually describe her experience, feelings or wants.
I'm a lesbian and she respects that she cannot use this label to describe herself. For simplicity we will use the technically correct term "bisexual" if her sexual orientation is ever discussed. She prefers women in every way but 90-10 95-5 and 99-1 is still bi and it's ok to be bi.