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So I made a couple posts about a week ago about questioning my sexuality, basically wondering if I might be a lesbian because I don't seem to have any physical attraction to men and don't want to have sex with them, which is very unlike my attraction to women. However, I do seem to be okay with the idea of being with a man in a romantic capacity, which a few users pointed out, so I'm probably not a lesbian. So now I'm thinking I'm probably a Kinsey Scale 5.9 or something like that. For this reason, I feel like the term "bisexual" doesn't really fit, especially given the way most bi/het women talk about men. There's also a lot of people on the opposite end of the spectrum, who are mostly opposite sex attracted, but do experience some minor degree of same-sex attraction, and it feels weird to be lumped in with them. Are there any other bisexuals with a very strong preference for women, and very little romantic, but not sexual, attraction to men who feel this same way?

As a side note, I know a lot of people are probably going to say, "why do we need all these labels, they only divide us and make things more complicated" but if I'm being honest, I feel like having a label for my specific experience might be helpful, not just for understanding myself but also for communicating to other people. This is ultimately what labels are for, is it not? I've actually never really understood the disdain some people seem to have for labels. Labels are everywhere, language is entirely comprised of labels, they are absolutely necessary. But then when it comes to certain topics, like sexuality(I've also observed the same thing with mental illness, but from people who don't suffer from any, so it's probably a form of ableism) people seem to get all pissy about it. Why?

So I made a couple posts about a week ago about questioning my sexuality, basically wondering if I might be a lesbian because I don't seem to have any physical attraction to men and don't want to have sex with them, which is very unlike my attraction to women. However, I do seem to be okay with the idea of being with a man in a romantic capacity, which a few users pointed out, so I'm probably not a lesbian. So now I'm thinking I'm probably a Kinsey Scale 5.9 or something like that. For this reason, I feel like the term "bisexual" doesn't really fit, especially given the way most bi/het women talk about men. There's also a lot of people on the opposite end of the spectrum, who are mostly opposite sex attracted, but do experience some minor degree of same-sex attraction, and it feels weird to be lumped in with them. Are there any other bisexuals with a *very* strong preference for women, and very little romantic, but not sexual, attraction to men who feel this same way? As a side note, I know a lot of people are probably going to say, "why do we need all these labels, they only divide us and make things more complicated" but if I'm being honest, I feel like having a label for my specific experience might be helpful, not just for understanding myself but also for communicating to other people. This is ultimately what labels are for, is it not? I've actually never really understood the disdain some people seem to have for labels. Labels are everywhere, language is entirely comprised of labels, they are absolutely necessary. But then when it comes to certain topics, like sexuality(I've also observed the same thing with mental illness, but from people who don't suffer from any, so it's probably a form of ableism) people seem to get all pissy about it. Why?

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I think more bi women than we think are attracted in some capacity to men, but are disgusted with the idea of sleeping with them because of various reasons, but they're still bisexual. There's a diversity of possible feelings here. You can still be attracted to someone but not like the idea of sleeping with

Of course maybe you do actually have zero attraction to men, which is fine. Just putting it out there that bisexuals can have complicated relationships with their own sexuality and finding the idea of sleeping with men off-putting isn't solely a lesbian experience.

Maybe. I hadn't really thought of that, though I suppose it's possible but I wonder why? Idk, I feel like my experience doesn't really line up with any lesbians or bisexual women.

[–] SecondSkin 13 points Edited

There are two sex classes.

People are attracted to same, opposite or both.

There is no way of bisexual being broader than both sexes.

Sex in sexual orientation means which sex class or classes a person is attracted to. Not how much attraction anyone has to each. Or what type of attraction. You don’t need to experience an equal amount of attraction to each sex class to be bisexual.

This kind of confusion is what happens when gender ideologues change sexual orientation to sexuality. The two are not the same thing. Your developing sexuality may vary at different times of your life, you may experience more attraction to one sex at one time and more to another at a later time. Or you might only ever be attracted to one sex until you meet the one person of the other sex you feel attracted to and remain in a relationship forever. But that doesn’t make either scenario more or less bisexual. Sexual orientation is a black and white distinction. Or you might only ever be attracted to one sex.

*wasn’t Kinsey another of the gender idiot peados? Imho I’d stay away anything from the peado brigade.

Yes, but there's different types of attraction. I'm probably not a lesbian, but do seem to have a certain repulsion to the male form.

Different types of attraction are not different sexual orientations. Conflating the two is what gender ideology feeds on.

How can you feel grossed out by sex with men and think you are attracted to them? That doesn’t sound at all like being bi.

Is it men (all men) you are grossed out by sex with? Or sex that grosses you out?

The former is sexual orientation the latter sexuality. Muddling the two isn’t healthy.

It’s ok to just not be into sex. No one has to have sexual relationships.

It's not sex that grosses me out, since it's the idea of kissing/touching a man/male anatomy. With a woman, however, it's enjoyable, and not at all gross. But in the past I've been attracted to the idea of having a boyfriend, or of being in a relationship with certain men, so that's why I( and many users here) say I'm not a lesbian.

I'm intending this post to be genuine. I'm putting this out there so thar you have a resource. There is a type of OCD that can hone in on sexuality. You because sexuality seems to be heavy on your mind right now (5 posts about it in the past 2 weeks). Perhaps a professional can help you.find some peace on this.

Wow, I never thought about that, but maybe you're right. I might bring it up at my next therapist appointment, thanks for the suggestion.

Feb fem? at least when it comes to talking about it online - making it very clear you don't date men and you're a female only bisexual? other than that, I do agree with not having a specific label. the people who matter, they'll expect further explanation and due to your close relationship, you'll offer it. You can make it clear that you only want to be set up with women to whomever you trust to play matchmaker and have that be that, yknow? and because you haven't been sexual with a man, there wouldn't be much to tell to your future lady. like one can say they're an athlete, and then people go "oh what sport!"

even with hetero people, they'll say they're straight but the next question, with friends and stuff, may be "ooo what's your type!" because it's expected that everyone has a different relationship to what and who they're attracted to.

I think labels are sometimes “dangerous” to focus too much on because as we have seen people can keep making up labels for themselves to the point where nothing has any meaning anymore.

In terms of sexuality I believe there are exactly 4 different labels that can describe every woman on the planet:

Heterosexual = a woman who likes only men

Homosexual = a woman who likes only women

Bisexual = a woman who is capable of liking women and men, whether equally or not

Asexual = I don’t think one can truly be asexual but there are people who seem to have very little or no sexual interest so this would apply to them

I personally believe every woman falls into one of the categories listed above. But sexuality doesn’t seem to be an exact science, so some people might feel like these labels fit better than other people do. Yes, bisexuality is a broad term, but so is every sexuality label. Not all lesbians are the same, and straight women aren’t either. So the same would apply to bisexuality.

Can you just say that you're on the lesbian end of the bi spectrum? That you're bi with a strong preference for women? I mean 99% of the time when you meet people I'm sure no one is talking about orientation, but if you're into a deep conversation with a friend who's asking what kind of partner you're interested in dating you can just explain it.

You can make up a new word for Kinsey 5's if you want, but you'll find that other people who adopt the label won't be exactly the same as you either. Like you'll have women who are the opposite, that don't mind having sex with men sometimes, but only want to settle down with a woman. It's probably a dream for all of us to stumble upon a group of women that have everything in common with us, but it's not that realistic. I don't have lots in common with many lesbians, even in terms of attraction pattern and sexual preferences, we're all unique.

I get that bi women who have had an actual girlfriend find that they don't have much in common with bi women who have only ever dated men, I empathize with that, but in your case you haven't dated women either. You aren't going to have a lot in common with Kinsey 5's and lesbians until you come out to everyone in your life and start publicly dating women anyways.

You can make up a new word for Kinsey 5's if you want, but you'll find that other people who adopt the label won't be exactly the same as you either. Like you'll have women who are the opposite, that don't mind having sex with men sometimes, but only want to settle down with a woman. It's probably a dream for all of us to stumble upon a group of women that have everything in common with us, but it's not that realistic. I don't have lots in common with many lesbians, even in terms of attraction pattern and sexual preferences, we're all unique.

That's a good point, and it probably is what I'm looking for. Idk, it sucks that it won't happen, but you're right, finding a label won't fix it.

Your life will be easier as soon as you let the so-called “split attraction model” which is completely fictional, go.

Well, actually, I think trying to let go of it and lump in all remote forms of attraction as the same is what confused me. I don't know, I seem to have different types of feelings and I'm honestly just really confused about it all.

Febfem (female exclusive bisexual) would work for you mb?

I feel like that term describes women who feel sexually attracted to men and have, at least at some point in their lives, enjoyed having sex with men, but choose not to pursue it. It's hard to explain, but it's not entirely a choice for me, since actually having sex with men has always grossed me out. That's really why I don't feel I relate to the label.

If you aren't sexually attracted to men you are not bisexual.

That is true for many of them, though I've seen just as many who choose that label because they just have a strong natural inclination for other women.

So you're asexual towards them and not alloromantic. "Female exclusive bisexual" still works but also 'biromantic' 🤔

biromantic febfem if you're a label collector, or want to be specific :D

I guess, but idk I think "sexual and romantic towards women, romantic but not sexual towards men" is just a lot of words and difficult to explain. It also kind of begs the question of how you can be romantic towards someone but not sexual, how do you know these feelings are romantic if they're not sexual, and then of course what exactly is romantic attraction? It's a bit of a complicated topic.

[+] [Deleted] 3 points
[–] Amareldys 1 points Edited

If you're not attracted to men and have no plans on being with them sounds like a lesbian to me.

A person you do nice things for without sexual attraction is called a friend. Sounds like you want to be close friends with guys. Friendships can be passionate. I feel like with all this alphabet soup and analyzing of sexuality definitions we forget how fervid friendships can be.

yeah, I'm bi but the friendship I had with my best friend (also a girl) for 2+ years was very, very close. we talked about living together after my then boyfriend broke up with me. we even fantasized about it together in a joking way. I told her everything, she told me everything, and we had conversations about almost anything. we said I love you to each other and wrote long paragraphs about how much we loved each other.

I think at one point we even joked about getting married in Canada for tax benefits or something lol.

but there was no sexual component there. she was like a sister to me, I was a sister to her.

unfortunately the frienship broke apart because of a falling out we had that I already discussed before, and she's a TiF.

but despite how close we were, we both dated other people while we were friends and there was nothing romantic about it. I had a crush on her when i first met her, so I can understand the distinction very well, lol.

[–] MissMilotic 0 points Edited

I've seen quite a few Kinsey 5 bisexuals with a strong preference use the term "homoflexible". However, by the way you described yourself here, it sounds like you are actually homosexual, and therefore lesbian would be an appropriate term.

When you describe romantic attraction to men, do you have a strong desire to makeout with them? Do you enjoy their natural scent? If you're the kind of person who enjoys things like making out, heavy petting and full body cuddling with men - even if not engaging in PIV/touching genitals - then I would say it's a kind of erotic/physical attraction. So a term like bisexual would make sense in that case.

If not, I would consider that a platonic crush, and not a romantic/sexual attraction. If you just love spending lots of time with someone and have a really deep friendship, but don't really want to makeout and have sensual contact, I'd consider that platonic.

When you describe romantic attraction to men, do you have a strong desire to makeout with them? Do you enjoy their natural scent?

I mean I seem to have a sort of romantic attraction to male celebrities - I've pictured hugging them, I've liked the idea of them being my boyfriend, but that's about it. I do like to picture hugging them, and I like the idea of them loving me and caring about me. I always thought that was sexual attraction and that it meant I wanted to have sex with them, so I tried to picture doing that but it was gross, I always skip over that part in my fantasies(they kind of work like story lines). I don't know what to call that, if it's a form of sexual attraction or not, but actual lesbians don't seem to have that and bi/straight women seem to actively like having sex with men or enjoy looking at shirtless pictures of them which I don't. So yeah, I'm pretty confused. I've never been attracted to men in real life and I'm not attracted to the men I fantasize about when I see them in pictures or on TV, like I don't get turned on by seeing them and don't think I want to see them naked or anything like that(which is very unlike when I'm attracted to women) but I do enjoy watching them and I've tried to be like them, I would dress like them and act like them, etc. I've never really had a boyfriend, except for one guy I dated when I was 13, but we never kissed because I didn't want to. We would cuddle, but I never enjoyed it I kind of just went along with it because I liked thinking I had a boyfriend. I told everyone I liked him and found him cute, but it was a lie. I later went on two dates with another guy and I liked talking to him, but I wasn't attracted to him. He kissed me twice but I didn't like it I kind of just stood there for the few seconds it took to be over. He wanted to makeout and have sex but I didn't so I stopped seeing him.

It sounds almost like a fatherly or brotherly attraction to male celebrities - I mean, having someone as a boyfriend usually involves lots of making out and sex, not just platonic hugging. If you're not attracted to men in real life and have no desire for kissing/sex, I'd say you're almost certainly a lesbian.

It sounds almost like a fatherly or brotherly attraction to male celebrities

Yeah, that may be what it is. It's weird, though, everyone around me has always insisted I had crushes on them.

When you describe romantic attraction to men, do you have a strong desire to makeout with them? Do you enjoy their natural scent? If you're the kind of person who enjoys things like making out, heavy petting and full body cuddling with men - even if not engaging in PIV/touching genitals

It's hard to say...in my head, I enjoy hugging and some forms of cuddling with men, but I don't think about their bodies. I've never had a boyfriend or hooked up with any man in real life. I've had guys try to get with me, but I was never attracted to them and the idea of kissing them or doing anything else was always gross.

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