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So I want to try dating women
For context, I’m still heartbroken by an LTR with a man with whom I still live, but have chosen to no longer love. Obviously this would be down the line.
This man has always insisted he’d be “fine with an asymmetrical poly relationship” because he’s not possessive, but was fine being monogamous for me, because I’m monogamous. Ofc I did not take him up on this, because that’s weird.
However, we broke up recently, and he was urging me to explore my interest in women. I’m bisexual, but have not really dated women. I only really know that because I have slept with a woman and also because I have fallen for a woman, but I didn’t sleep with the woman I fell for but instead ran from her. We’re still friends, though she married our former boss and had two of his children after I ran, so there’s that.
I feel like I have internalized homophobia because I was teased so much as a tomboy child. I think I internalized that a lesbian was the worst thing you could grow up to be.
I want to find out at the very least if I could date women, or want to. I need to know if I’ve been heteronormatively brainwashed. If I’m into a romantic relationship with a woman, it would be way better for me, simply because I have been so abused by men. I think I’d have way fewer trust issues and way less to fear from most women.
At my former partner’s urging- not to download any app, but to explore my feelings for women- I downloaded Her a few months ago. He was immediately crestfallen, but tried to act happy for me. I decided to put off thinking about it because I still loved him and hoped to reconcile with him.
I don’t hope for that anymore. I’m heartbroken, but I want to move on.
I don’t want to use any woman for comfort or companionship, so I certainly plan to wait a while. I will also be upfront that I’m not very experienced with women, don’t know if I would want more than a friendship, that I’m bisexual, and that I was recently in a serious relationship with a man. I’m not going to lie to anyone, even if it means losing dates.
One observation, two questions, for anyone who’d care to help me out:
I noticed that the women on Her often present in hypersexualized, to my mind grotesque poses. I presume this is the same on Tinder and other sites like that, whether the women are straight, bi or lesbian.
It’s jarring to see women nakedly pandering (if you’ll forgive the expression) to the male gaze. So many filters. So many weird cat ears and other additions. So many odd sparkle eyes. So many selfies (though this I don’t mind as much, if they’re well-done, which they almost never are). So much cleavage, even women posing in sexualized positions with their tongues out. I cannot imagine as a woman finding any of this remotely attractive. What’s going on here? Do any lesbians or bi women actually find that attractive? I thought it was only idiot men who did?
And then a question: for the rare women who have liked me that I find compelling and would want to be friends or even something more with- and again, I know this would be down the line- any pointers for a first date for someone who has never officially dated women? I feel incredibly nervous even thinking about it. I have never felt nervous about a date with a man, except for in the sense of being frightened and in some sense reluctant because men have fooled me and hurt me in the past.
And another question: what do I need to know about becoming involved in the LGBT community in my city, if I choose to do so later in order to meet women that way? What should I be on the lookout for?
Thanks in advance for helping me out with any pointers for a first foray into a new world, fellow women who love women. ❤️
How are we supposed to be taken seriously when our identity is being taken by these freaks?
🤣🤣🤣
It’s funny eh lol. Like sorry lady, it’s freaks all the way down.
This is truscum, they are trans people (mostly FTM) that say in order to be trans you have to have dysphoria and most of them are transmeds also (in order to be considered trans you have to take steps towards medical transition such as taking hormones or some surgery). AKA "hatekeeping". This is in contrast to the "tucutes" they say that the pre-everything trans ppl are valid, no need to socially or medically transition, aka "transtrenders". Most of the uwu catgirl skirt go spinny TIM variety are "tucutes". So there is a male/female dichotomy here also, with the females lining up (mostly, nothing is 100%) with the "truscum/transmed" side and the males lining up with the "tucute" side. All of these terms come from tumblr BTW.
I’ve noticed that too. TIFs are hated by the trans community for being female and for usually being on the truscum side.
I've noticed the truscum/transmed communities have a lot more TiFs as well. I have a lot more sympathy for them honestly... they're probably suffering from an actual mental problem (bodily dysphoria) and genuinely believe medical transition relieves their suffering. Doesn't make them men, but at least they have a reason for transitioning that's not based in the shallowest of gender stereotypes...
You should start a blog 'I look at Tumblr so you don't have to' modelled on the 'We watch Fox so you don't have to' people.
The sad thing is I only know this from following some radfems on tumblr, I have avoided as best I could the more extreme parts of tumblr but occasionally the weirdness spills over (like I found out about people getting tics from tiktok and stuff like shifting and otherkins) from people reblogging stuff. Mostly I follow aesthetic and lifestyle tumblrs. I'm not looking for the weirdness, it just appears.
surreptitiously Googles 'shifting' and 'otherkins'<
The DID stuff with people taking having multiple personalities used to be otherkin, thinking you had the soul of a being (usually fictional) in you so you actually ARE that character. It was all crazy fandom roleplaying, but they found a medical label they can appropriate to sound "real"
TiFs definitely notice the rampant misogyny of TiMs, but are too timid to ever call it out. Most of them will still bend the knee to Mx. Spinny Skirt and say that the TiM is so much more "oppressed" than they are.
Trans activists have spent decades trying to get people to understand that it isn't a fetish and what do we end up with?
A movement of fetishists posing as a civil rights movement?
Lots to unpack here, but the TIF talking about
my boytits
Erm… you know there’s already a word for that, right? If you’re a man with boobs, why not just call them the well-established term we already have?
Image transcription: r/Truscum
So many trans groups have become incredibly dysphoria-inducing bordering on fetishistic.
TW for quoting extremely dysphoria triggering language in the spoilers
So I joined a few trans groups on FB just to see what they were like and holy fuck I have never hit the "leave group" button so fast. One group, in particular, was just disgusting. There is no better word for it. Pure fetishistic cringe. I need to vent because I am still reeling from the garbage I read.
Pretty much every post was something along the lines of "I love wearing short skirts so my girlcock can catch the breeze" or "I don't want top surgery because I love having my boytits played with" or "tucking is for the weak, gotta show that shit off and my least favorite of all "they/them (or he/him) pussy hits different" Along with just endless nonsense about how "loving your trans body" (aka not having any dysphoria) is totes super valid.
Also bullshit of note:
- Saying that trans men are traitors to the community because we apparently just hide away and never did anything like "the strong BIPOC transfemmes."
- Saying that passing and especially being stealth is transphobic.
- Saying that "transmascs" don't really experience transphobia like "transfemmes" (see again, the claim that we apparently all pass super easy and then just "hide" and betray "transfemmes")
- White "trans" people claiming that white trans people (especially trans men) don't REALLY have any issues and just get everything handed to them when transitioning and are automatically accepted by everyone.
- Endless "uwu thigh high, cat ears, skirt go spinny" posts.
- Saying that HRT will lead you to develop fetishes. Treating this claim as a positive thing to look forward to.
- The uniroinic use of the word "clitty"
- "trans men should donate their uteruses to trans women."
How are we supposed to ever get taken seriously when our identity is being appropriated by these freaks?
Comment:
I don't like to kink shame, but god, the fetishy stuff is so annoying. Trans activists have spent decades trying to get people to understand that it isn't a fetish and what do we end up with? A bunch of weebs who think being a woman is wearing long socks and liking catgirls who tell us our dysphoria doesn't make us trans.
[Comment deleted]
They want to believe that surgically modifying their bodies makes them the sex they long to be. Well, no it doesn’t. They’re still deluded misogynists, just more committed to it. They’re also experts at mental gymnastics. There is barely any difference imo and they are just as gross and despicable.
Some of them do admit that the surgeries don't actually make them the opposite sex. I think what everyone thought transsexual meant prior to ten years ago is what "truscum" is now.
The funny thing is that I’ve heard (from some part of the online trans community, I think the transmedicalists themselves) that there’s a “tucute-to-TERF pipeline.”
POV you’re a teenage girl who just heard how your dad talks about women with his friends and you will never be the same
Damn, this is sadly accurate. Men are a disease.
Ah, thank you for reviving the horrible memory of going to lunch with my dad and his friend. When our waitress left the table, they looked at each other, then asked "Would you?" before laughing. This was in front of my mother and the friend's (now ex) wife and their young daughter. Men are disgusting.