8
Going too Fast is normal for lesbians?
EDIT: due to an issue with doxxing - I'm leaving this site and attempted to delete posts that identified me as me... not sure if I will be successful as it seems like deleting posts doesn't really delete them and even deleting my profile doesn't delete posts... so... ugh. I'll undoubtedly be lurking when I can. Thanks to everyone who gave me solid advice! Much appreciated!
Erm... I’m desperately in need of a reality check-life-line here...
Unexpectedly, a woman and I seemed to click and started what seemed like a promising romance — but it quickly became overwhelming in terms of the onslaught of messaging and just how full-on it is — to the point where I hardly have time for anything else ‘till I ran up a white flag of surrender and begged for a couple days to just think!
I’ve been repeatedly told that going fast was “normal” for dating women — but as a victim of narcissistic abuse, I’m very uncomfortable with going too fast... it reminds me too much of the love-bombing and future-faking... Talking of future plans and going overboard within weeks of just talking online seems off to me... as in serious alarm bells ringing and red flags waving and I’ve suffered grievously in the past for ignoring red flags and not admitting when I’m uncomfortable just because someone else insists that I ought not to feel uncomfortable or how whatever I feel uncomfortable about is just “normal” and therefore not something I should feel concerned with... especially since it took me a nearly a full freakin’ week to say, “whoa! Hey! This is going to fast and I’m not comfortable” and being taken seriously without being argued with... That also seemed to be a red flag to me... having so much difficulty in even expressing my discomfort without my inexperience being used as a reason why I of course must not understand... or why my feelings don’t matter.
I’ve been told, “it’s just lesbian culture” and since I don’t know much about lesbian culture — I seriously feel like I need a lifeline, whether that’s true or not...
Erm... and I have to say, even if that’s true — it sure as heck doesn’t seem healthy... yes, I heard of u-hauling — but that’s at least in person — not with online relationships...
It felt a LOT like love-bombing really:
https://www.businessinsider.com/what-is-love-bombing-2017-7
I suspect I’m just not ready really — I have a lot on my plate and while romance is nice, I feel like I need to get my ducks in a row first before considering if I’m ready for “more” in my life... but I also suspect that’s the trauma talking too — that there’s a chance that I may never feel “ready”.
I hate feeling pressured, pushed or guilt-tripped and someone giving me a list of recriminations as if my every utterance means that there is some ironclad contract for which I’m not allowed to change my mind just seems very manipulative.
She’s “being good” for now in that I finally got through to her that I needed to think instead of being bombarded by messages and enough words to fill a book. She wrote me an email that was so long that it was like reading a freakin’ User Agreement or Terms of Service page... no matter how much I scrolled — there was more to scroll... and here I thought I wrote a lot — but I’m not sure if even I had ever written an encyclopedia like that for a relatively new romance... it feels overwhelming... as does the Spotify playlist she made for me, the poem she wrote for me snd the incessant wall-to-wall communication. It’s very sweet in many ways — but there’s no way I can even possibly keep up with all that! I don’t even have time to properly respond or work out how I feel before there is more! Don’t get me wrong — I like her — I really do! And we have a lot of common ground and there is attraction and I’m not immune to romance — but Holy Cats!
I ran up the white flag when I realized I was unable to communicate with my regular friends because she had become such a squeaky wheel and whenever I was away from the keyboard — there might be a dozen or so deleted messages with the only one remaining being something like, “Did I do something wrong? 🥺” (this is in WhatsApp) — like... I’m a mom to special needs kids — I’m freakin’ and honestly very busy! I hate that I am likely to get guilt-tripped just because my autistic kiddo has had another autistic meltdown... it got to the point where I was having genuine panic attacks over it.
Anyway — sorry for the rant.. I’m just having a lot to trouble figuring out what I think or feel. I finally negotiated a few days for me to think and even so — I feel like I’m tempted to just say, “sorry, I don’t think I can do this”... other fiends say I should just, “block and delete” — I don’t know if I have to go to that extreme but I’m feeling very odd about the whole thing.
Two cents??
LGB Alliance is a UK org so I’m unclear on what they’re supposed to do about laws in an American state? Same for Joyce (who is Irish.)
and he’s blocked anyone in the US who as so much as politely disagreed with him. So yeah. Nice cherry picking bro 🍒
Radical Feminist ≠ Gender Critical dumbass. That's why.
Ehhhh.... I dunno, I don't think most people who aren't radical feminists or their allies are actually gender critical. More like transgender critical.
Maybe if gender ideologists hadn't overtaken feminist institutions, actual feminists could focus on women's reproductive rights. Currently, anyone who cares about women's rights is busy trying to make sure that the US government recognizes exactly what "female" means.
He’s like “they’re just mad about the pregnant people terms!!”
Um.. yeah. Because it’s a fucking waste of time while women and girls suffer. It’s a distraction from real work on abortion and allows men like you to act like this has any impact on you and force-teams your issues with real women’s problems. It’s the reason the organizations I worked for are wringing their hangs and wasting energy writing press releases that won’t offend the genderspecials. It’s not the ONLY thing I’m mad at. But it shows how idpol and men in dresses have overtaken things that used to be useful to women
Meanwhile, TiMs continue to have no actual rights to lose in this battle.
Well he obviously hasn't lurked Ovarit before because there are a ton of posts here about Texas just within the past 24 hours.
He would also see his face on /itsafetish so I see why he avoids it
Aaron, the sundress man. Well, get in line, bro. You’re not the only dude who likes looking at women in sundresses.
Weirdly here I am at Grand Terven Central and I see multiple posts and big discussion about Texas. Maybe Erin Sundresses Mom (vomit) doesn't know that the terves are largely banned from Twitter so they don't GATHER there.
It's amazing how, when you systemically shove a group out of the public discourse, they struggle to make themselves heard even on the points of agreement.
“Faux women’s advocacy”? Be quiet male.
I care about women’s reproductive rights but I can’t really do anything for American women. I also don’t think it is a fight that will be fought on Twitter.
Could say the same about TiMs though? 😂 Why are they silent if they're "women" like they claim? Dumbasses
They should be FIRST at the frontlines of supporting other women in this regard! FIRST! They're the ones with the baseball bats.
So far I've seen TRAs crying about how people need to remember it's not just women who are affected by abortion and to please use inclusive language or it's transphobic! So making it about themselves instead of caring about the issue as per usual.
Most actual TERFs have been bullied off of twitter, so not sure what this ass clown is saying.
Sounds like he's unintentionally admitting it's a WOMEN'S issue if he thinks "terfs" should be focusing on it.
Erin: Abigail Shrier isn’t a radfem. It’s pretty clear in her excellent, well-researched book that she is clearly not coming from a radfem perspective, even if we all agree that transing kids is horrific and wrong.
She’s a woman who says NO to your delusions. And that’s all that terfs are to these men. Women who say NO. I’m plenty mad and I don’t need your Twitter approval