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Male gaze in same-sex relationships?
Hi, so I’ve seen some women even here on Ovarit saying that they are attracted to more “feminine” women. I myself am, as well as to GNC and butch women—it really depends on the person.
I’ve also seen some people state that women only perform femininity for men, citing the fact that a woman in an all-female commune or a woman in a same-sex relationship would feel less desire to shave, grow long hair, etc.
Personally, when it comes to attracting a woman, I want to impress her with my smooth legs, colorful eyeshadow, and long silky hair more than any man. I think of things like makeup, hair care, and shaving as almost secret rites of femininity that are separate from male spheres (I know they actually aren’t). I remember female friends comparing leg smoothness and making “baby dolphin” jokes and feeling like we were so much nicer to feel and look at than males because of our smooth bodies, colorful faces, and beautiful hair.
Since then, I’ve joined places like Ovarit and am realizing that most of this is societal grooming for the male gaze (although colorful eyeshadow turns most men off in my experience, but that’s a conversation for another day).
So, after all that, here are my two questions:
Is it wrong to have a preference for “femmes” when dating?
Is it wrong to present as a “femme” even if you are a lesbian or a febfem? (I understand bihets or bis open to dating men will present femme for other reasons so let’s leave that out of this question)
Here I define “wrong” as “harmful to women as a class.”
I understand that even though we are critical of femininity, a lot of us also perform it. That’s not what I’m asking about. I’m asking about whether doing this intentionally in pursuit of other women is somehow extending male dominance into the wlw sphere.
Hope this makes sense!
Me post lockdown. I've part forgotten how to dress myself and part stopped giving the last bit of a shit about what people think are well matched outfits.
I’m just glad to be back where there’s actual changes of season so I’m not stuck in dreary tee shirts all the time, and where there are places to go (okay mostly hospital appointments so far, but still) so it’s worth putting on something nice!
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Yes! More due to climate and there being anywhere to go for me (the town I lived near before was tiny, now I’m in a regional city) than lockdown. Restrictions here have been lifted, masks are only for hospitals and public transport now. I can’t imagine what it was like during the worst of it, or for people in much harder-hit countries. I know the second lockdown in Melbourne was hard on my friends there.
My favorite small detail about the Labyrinth is how clouds of glitter sometimes announce Jareth's arrival XD
Mine is all the real chickens, they really were the stars.
Did you ever watch Return to Oz?
I have not! Is there a good chicken presence?
In that film (and the book it's based on of course), instead of Toto, Dorothy has a chicken companion named Billina. Billina is from Dorothy's farm and gains the power of speech in Oz, and is played using a very realistic puppet... and a live chicken, depending on the shot. The film is kind of dark and twisted, in that '80s way that was popular at the time, but it's so worth it just for Billina alone. She carries the film. She gets a happy ending, too, opting to stay in Oz rather than "go back to that dust bowl".
It sounds amazing! I will totally be watching this and join the Billina fan club.