13
ventDoubting my attraction to females.
So, I think I have been “wrongfully” calling myself a lesbian.
And maybe I am bi or hetero.
Recently, I’ve been sticking with hetero because I don’t want to insert myself in a community that doesn’t have much to do with me ( as either a bi or hetero woman ).
As I get more involved in these subjects of trans and gay women, I’ve been feeling guilty about ever using the term to describe myself.
However, saying that I am hetero doesn’t feel right somehow.
A strong part of me really just wants to be. For reasons concerning family, religion as well as my mental health history.
But the truth is, I was never really given the chances to explore romance.
Well, that’s not entirely true. So I’ll try my best to explain myself.
As a child and teen, I was incredibly ( and continue to be ) sheltered though as an adult I am finally starting to find my own individuality. Or at least taking the actions necessary to finally give myself the space to grow into my own body.
There were instances from my childhood where I know I’ve experienced attraction to my female classmates and even as a teen there were several crushes on them that I’ve kept to myself.
The only time I’ve been (semi) vocal about a crush was during my stay at a camp. There were two girls there with crushes on me however we were just friends during our time there. But there was this other girl who had my attention. One of the girls who admitted their crush to me also said that they found this girl attractive, too. But knowing this made me uncomfortable and I was very jealous to see them spending time with each other.
Sometime after our stay, she would message me about wanting an answer to her question from our last night— she wanted to know if I had a crush on anyone . Since it’s over text, I admit that it was her and she tells me the feeling is mutual and that if I answered her sooner she would have kissed me goodbye ( something I’d mentally kick myself over for the next two years even while dating some boy ). But we lived too far apart to make anything work.
At some point, I’ve become a complete shut-in so IRL romance was completely off for me. She was the closest I’ve gotten to feeling that romance and excitement over the idea of being in a relationship with someone.
And I’ve dated four guys ( two before her and two after her… three of those being e-dating ) though I was always so distant in the relationship. I was always annoyed with the talk and possibility of sex and would eventually get cheated on because I wouldn’t really be much of a girlfriend to them.
But surely this could be attributed to something else other than being into females? Like, self-esteem issues or maybe an unconscious, bad perspective of men… or something?
Nowadays, I am not searching for anything with anyone. Again, I really want to gain some insight on myself without the constant buzzing in my ear on who it is I should be and without using the definitions of me others have imposed on myself with little consideration of my own opinions.
But I’ve been thinking about romance so much lately that this had been boiling, stewing in my mind for months. Just feeling like a fraud in everything about myself.
I’m not dying to hold on to a label but at the same time I want some sign of “me” to be tangible— whatever that may be.
Unfortunately, everything seems so hazy to me.
This was more of a vent so I could get this off of my chest and be heard by those who might relate to this experience. But I’ve just been feeling some guilt over my past use of the word “lesbian” to describe myself ( especially with all the bashing and misconceptions they’ve been getting in recent years ) and also some resentment towards the possibility of me being bi but not having found the “right guy” due to some kind of “subconscious hatred” of them.
I just feel like I’m the stereotypical idea of why people “become” gay— being a woman who suffered from a cocktail of mental illnesses since childhood and “hates” men.
And I really want to make it clear that I believe there is a such thing as homosexual people— in case bad faith actors are lurking. Lesbians aren’t women who just “become” attracted to other women… they just are. It has nothing to do with choice or trauma and I don’t want my story to be misread as an actual hetero woman who “turned gay” through trauma, et cetera, and used as evidence for why it’s okay to pressure lesbians to accept anything other than another female .
I really appreciate your time and attention and thank you all for reading this.
When I meet dogs in the wild and they instantly like me
Um, excuse me, is it Opposite Day? Dogs typically favor women (if they have a preference) & dislike/fear men, so this only proves her womanhood. 😅
Out of all of these, this is the one thing that jumped right out at me.
Actual studies showing the opposite, and anecdotally, I volunteer for a rescue and I'd say 90% of our dogs are at the very least wary of men. My own dog could not be placed in a home with a man (I'm a single woman), but he adores all women.
For real. I mean, there are stacks of studies that have found animals are more likely to trust and like women, but yeah, sure. Dogs liking you definitely makes you a man. 🙄
That moment when you realize that the average Appalachian girl/woman experience makes you more 'manly' than an entire subreddit full of women pretending to actually be men.
And fucking LOL at 'cooking a meal' making the list. You mean the thing that overwhelmingly gets delegated to women as a routine chore to the point where many men never learn how to do even the most basic things, and the ones that do tend to only do so sporadically when they feel like it and expect effusive praise for it?
Yeah, this rural Appalachian farm girl is having the same realization reading this. A lot of those things are just... Life in the country on a small farm, and also being a hunter.
I plan to grow my dick out this afternoon after work when I go out to do some bushhogging and chainsaw work.
Most of the cottage core tradwives do all that shit as well. So I guess they're all trans-men as well 🤣
That is the shit I do for FUN after doing my time on the clock in STEM. It is how I afford to feed the money pit (i.e., hobby farm/homestead).
I thought we were supposed to have left these damn boxes on what men and women do/are supposed to do??? Why are we all being awkwardly squished back into them!!!
Because the powers that be want to sell more crap.
I am okay with selling more baubles and crap (I am a minimalist myself, but I know that is the society we are in)... But buying rotting fleshtubes, continuously infected inverted dicks, and health-damaging cosmetic deformation is waaay farther a bridge to charge over as a society.
I mean, there was that one time helping butcher a hog I ended up debristling it with a sack full of pink Lady Bic razors (do NOT recommend), but that was the bright idea of the dude running the operation who didn't get the proper scrapers first.
Very femme.
That is hilarious! I get to embrace my feminine side by swapping squirrel recipes with the guys?
Make sure to destroy your forearm with the farm equipment
As im to understand, you can't grow a good dick AND not have a FrankenArm
My arms are repairably destroyed this week... Been fighting and losing the good fight against wild rose and blackberry briars.
Can only assume her manly version of cooking a meal involves using every pan and dish in the cupboard, splattering sauce across the hobs, buying in lots of expensive, gourmet ingredients (of which half a teaspoon will be used and the rest will go off in the fridge until the wife throws it out), and then discussing the exact technicalities of the cooking process throughout the entire eating of the meal.
Ah yes, the foodie edition. There's also the kind where men just act like they invented the cheeseburger or spaghetti or pancakes or whatever the one thing they learned how to make is.
My favorite was an acquaintance's dad who never learned how to feed himself until his wife left him, and then his education began and ended with buying a ton of bagels, freezing most of them, defrosting them, and putting them in the toaster. HE WAS SO PROUD OF HIMSELF HE SHOWED IT OFF.
Wow, I wonder why she left him.
If we want to feel really good about life, should probably mention the dude was also a multi-millionaire in a fairly important role in a fairly influential company. Toasting-bagels-is-an-achievement men running the world.
I have to wonder why he didn't simply pay a cook who would provide him with a diet that would not leave him with scurvy, but I suppose it rankled to pay for what his wife did for free.
Think he mostly just went to restaurants after the divorce proceedings started.
Using too much oil while also cooking at literally the highest temperature so oil goes absolutely fucking everywhere...
I love my husband but I make him clean the stove because he fucking brutalizes it. He doesn't complain though.
Right? Glad I never caught the trans bug, because these people tell me I'm a man from my interests and fashion.
I can see r/ftm remains the only truly female-only space in Reddit.
Have these people ever even met a man?!
The place is actually crawling with TIMs they'll come out of the woodwork to police and ban if any of these manly dude bros says anything out of line
There are also the TiMs that come by just to get their daily dose of euphoria by asking the TiFs to validate them, so the TiFs can tell them they're such lovely girls uwu and the TiM can call them "dudely bros" or whatever cringe fest takes place there.
Oh?! But of course... The few times I've lurked there I saw nothing but this sort of cringey stuff but can well imagine how quickly the penis pervs gather there if a ~thought crime has been detected.
The funny part is that TIFs actually allow them to do that. If they were men they wouldn't take any of that shit. Oh well
Have these people ever even met a man?!
The only men they know about are the characters in dopey sit-coms.
Quite so. I mean, sneezing and making people laugh, such blokes amirite?!
Anyone else found out that they too are a man from reading this list?
Yesterday I drove home from work in my stick shift car. After I got home I spent some time sitting on the back porch to unwind with a beer. While I was out there I sneezed loudly once or twice because my allergies are always a problem. After that, it was time to make a meal to provide dinner for myself and my spouse. Friday night is pizza night, so I had to open the jar of pizza sauce.
I guess I need to inform my husband that he’s a gay man now.
Omg you're soooooo masc!!! Go, king!
Finally! Every time I drive my stick, I will look in the rearview mirror, say, “Duuuuude”, and affirm that I am a manly man, the manliest of men.
After all, I’ve given birth to boys, therefore I have male DNA circulating in my bloodstream. Take THAT transphobes.
Mmm hmm.
Quite honestly when I first past a driving test in the UK 30 years ago every woman could drive a manual transmission. So why is that the reserve of men? I don't get it.
Although.
I do have a lot of horsepower stick shift vroom vroom machine. Perhaps this makes me a transman?
Yep. The idea that only men drive manuals is exceptionally US-centric (maybe also Canada-centric, I suppose? I’ve never lived in Canada). I’d wager a lot to bet that manuals outnumber automatics in most countries in the world.
I transitioned my transmission when my knee started to act up this year. I guess I'm no longer a dude?
Every time I open a jar and cook a meal for my family, then make them laugh at the dinner table, I'm overwhelmed by the masculinity dripping from every pore!
I used the BBQ grill last week. I guess its time to turn in my woman card
Enjoy the pay-rise and the ability to go for a run without being wolf-whistled.
“The masculine urge to provide for the people you care about” 🤮 when will this gender woo woo crap die?
Yeah, also wtf is she talking about? Most males don’t give a shit about providing and/or caring for others.
"Making people laugh."
The internalised misogyny is so strong with these women and girls.
Yes, holy shit. I know far more hilarious women than I do hilarious men.
Ursula le Guin once wrote (as a character in one of her books) that males are all about jokes in their youth while women get funnier with age. I think it's as the 'be nice' socialization wears off.
Everything about this is so feminine. Dogs liking you? Wanting to be a himbo? Pretending to be a rockstar in your bedroom? Come on. They’re not even getting the sick gender essentialism right.
The bedazzled denim jacket was a highlight for me.
That and the plaid shirt with sleeves cut-off. Because the manliest men were the Village People!
The bedazzled denim jacket was a highlight for me.
I laughed hysterically when I read that.
Nothing says "masculine" like cutting up a denim jacket and putting glitter and Disney pins all over it. 🤣
I don't think I've ever seen a man wear a denim jacket
The same cannot be said for women
This also holds for pins and badges on things being a majority female activity
80s glam rock? You could not have picked a more feminine genre. You mean the same 80s glam rock in which all the men had long, super teased hair, wore garish prints and women’s clothes, and always had lots of jewelry, lipstick, mascara, and face paint on? Um. Ok.
(At least they knew they were men in the 80s.)
Weird how working on my car or leading a team of software engineers doesn't make me feel like a man or like a woman. It just makes me tired.
Stereotype after fucking stereotype. It just drives me insane. I would bet anything I'm more masculine than 80% of those women, and I don't need to pretend I'm a man to act "manly."
I just don't get why these women think certain actions make them not their biological sex. Nothing listed here (except maybe getting your beard trimmed) has anything to do with primary or secondary sexual characteristics. I know the lurkers here won't listen, but biological sex is not a feeling. You can act however you want and still be female. Your sex has nothing to do with how you dress, talk, sit, cut your hair, or your goddamn hobbies.
This is just sad.
Also, if a dog like you in the wild it's because you are female, not male.
Oh no! I sneeze loudly and drive stick. Time to crochet myself a packer, I fucking guess.
This is horrible
These are all stereotypes of 'butch'
But ya used to be able to keep ur tits
Some years ago a much younger American friend, who was very insecure and very prone to fall back on wokeness as a guide to social etiquette, came to stay with me. We went clothes shopping and I did what I always do, namely buy my t-shirts, shorts and pyjamas in the men's section, also some boxer shorts because I like sleeping in them. She was so shocked! Her attitude amounted to saying, "You can't do that!" I tried to explain that clothes are just clothes and that "men's" clothes are made of nicer fabrics, have deeper pockets, and usually cost a bit less, but she still struggled with it.
Yeah I've noticed this with Americans and some French and German friends too. They seem to think it's some sort of terrible taboo line you're crossing just by not conforming to gendered stereotypes. They act like my buying a shirt from the men's section is like I'm stealing or something.
Relax. It's fabric.
Christ, even I have bought clothes from the men's section and I'm not even particularly GNC
This is so sad. We used to always buy in the guy's sections when I was young... I mean, originally they didn't even sell boots or flannels or certain kinds of shoes in women's sections, the whole point was that gender didn't matter and we could all check out clothes wherever we wanted... Then they started marketing stuff to women that clearly we were wearing, and sometimes that was even nice (things can fit better when they're made for your body type) but now it's regressed into complete gender stereotypes again, maybe worse than ever (certainly pants were never as tight as this before..)
certainly pants were never as tight as this before
For some reason really wide legged pants are in now, fashion trends are so damn confusing
It's the 30 year cycle! There is a distinctly 90s flare to the clothes girls and young women are wearing these days.
ah, well i am always a few seasons behind :) but pants got tighter than ever, one of those recentish times I tried to buy in the women's section. TG for vintage shops
Its so bizarre. I used to buy work shirts from the boys/men's sections when I was younger because the ones sold in the women's sections were almost always made of sheer fabrics that were too delicate, see-through, and prone to stains for my restaurant job. And nobody at Walmart or Target ever called the cops on me over it.
Smh you were supposed to chant "he/him" or "I am shopping for my son" three times before entering the men's section, everyone knows that
So glad I came of age in the grunge/skater era and could buy men’s jeans without anyone blinking an eye.
"Driving a stick."
This just in, all of Europe and Asia are men. Every driver, at least.
Silly TERF. There is no world outside the United States. Europe and Asia are just Epcot attractions. 🤣
Because women can't provide for the people they care about, or make anyone laugh. Also dogs famously hate us.
Men big, burly, loud, strong and big truck
Woman small weak, meek and gentle
So much for breaking gender noms😭 This is all crap that women can do too. Am I a man now since I open my jars alone and I cook my meals and pet dogs?
Throwing my friends' kids up in the air and catching them
This won't end well.
It's a pretty common thing to do with young kids. I've done it before. As long as you're strong enough and have good reflexes, it shouldn't be an issue.
it shouldn't be an issue
unless you induce menopause at 19 with "bottom surgery", and have early stage osteoporosis by your late twenties from the puberty blockers and testosterone •_______•
True, I didn't think of that. I wouldn't recommend throwing kids around if they've got bone issues. Which they will eventually if they're on testosterone.
Yuup. "Won't end well" was perfectly literal😬 as in, "this'll go just fine, until it doesn't".
[Comment deleted]
I definitely enjoy the "super dad reflexes" videos out there on YouTube and its brethren—compilations of random dads (and occasionally bystanders) doing heroic acts of spontaneous gymnastics to save babies from falls.
Most of them are from China. I try not to think too much about the fact that the video compilations only exist because China is a terrifying Skynet surveillance state (LITERALLY—they took the name of the global surveillance used by the bad guys in Terminator without even a trace of irony).
This is why I refuse to hold freshly birthed babies. Nightmare fuel.
"Sneezing loudly" and "slouching and manspreading" just made me sad.
They just want to enjoy the little things in life, the way women are not supposed to because of the restrictions they're under. Sit up straight, knees together! Be quiet!
Men should be the focus for those restrictions rather than women, considering they cause the most problems with their obnoxious behaviour, but they're not, because it's not about politeness, it's about minimising and punishing women's much-resented presence in the world.
When I’m on planes or trains I always manspread as soon as I sit down. Gotta beat ‘em to it.
If this could have been a group of TIMs they would have started to talk about sex and their genitals lol.
So incredibly cringe. I want every man to read this BS; maybe they'd come to our side.
Ah. Yes. Overwatch. Because EVERYONE knows ces wahmens can’t video game. Of course only men can video game! The poor wahmens would lose their fragile minds if introduced to vidjagame!
(Deep breath. Exhale. Trying to calm.)
Sorry, my 100+ hours on Don’t Starve are nagging at me right now. My achievements in Outlast, Limbo, Resident Evil, Geometry Dash, and Undertale are whispering to me from the closet. Apparently I’m trans— got to be, because only men play video games, right?
And every single thing listed here is something women can also do. Case in point: a bunch of women on Reddit bragged about doing those things.
Uh oh. I've done half the shit on that list. Am I trans now?
Obviously. When are you scheduling your top surgery? I'm sure they can get you in next week. /s
This made the Two and a Half Men theme play in my head, a song I haven't heard in years.
Nothing depresses me more than seeing compilations of skills and experiences that TIFs think only men can possess.
The sneezing thing reminds me of the b plot in one “Community” episode where Pierce teaches Troy how to sneeze like a man to assert dominance.
Just…that was a funny scene in a comedy tv series. These manly men TIFs take that crap seriously.
I know someone who identifies as trans masculine, and she says she realised she was a man because she likes drinking scotch whisky and IPAs.
"throwing kids up in the air"
There they go using children as validation props again
O look, an entire list of manly behaviors and interests and not one mention that's sexual.
How to tell you're all women.
This right here. Nobody talking about their genitals, about being horny, about their obvious fetishes.
Just women talking about enjoying interests that are stereotyped by some as "masculine."
Yup, you hit the nail on the head. (Are you a man for hitting a nail btw?)
In TiF-land, yes. But we all know real men prefer screw guns!
So true. This is the key difference between TIMs and TIFs