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discussionComing out
I want to know your stories!
Your struggles, your bravery, your strength behind closed and closeted doors,
Are you out? How did it go?
Not out? What's the biggest barriers?
I've been gay my entire life, but only came out around my mid-20s. My parents were some astute variation of Catholic/Christian (one of the niche ones, there's too many, I can't remember which specifically).
I had just watch Happiest Season, and for all its 'eh', it sat with me for a few days. Comedy aside, I really felt from Kristen's character, I imagined equal pain and awkwardness had I ever showed up one day with a girlfriend and a wife, and I couldn't bare the idea of having somebody go through that,
The following day, I called my mother first. It was a hard conversation. The news itself wasn't too shocking for her, she, being my mother, always kind of knew. She ended up breaking down about halfway through, saying she felt she failed as my mother for not provided an atmosphere comfortable for me to come out sooner,
She wasn't my initial concern in holding back, so we celebrated, had a solid cry, and then I called my father,
My dad has some of the worst traditional values to date. He solely believes a woman's value lies with the amount of children she gives birth too (he's an arse, I know - but there were aspects of him that did provide me with a good quality of life, so take it with a little nuance),
I can't say I've ever felt somebody physically tense over a phone call, but he absolute 100% did. He was torn between being a dad and fighting his beliefs. It was not met well, nor did it end well. He started tangents about my future, about the perception of the family and how people talk, how he was embarrassed and uncomfortable (I responded with "imagine how I feel").
We had a period of back to back fights. At one point the snarky comments and petty jabs at me not giving men a fair chance got too much, and told him off. We had some dark days of him threatening to disown me, or chastising me in a way that spoke of me as if I were already not part of the family,
Our next open talk was equally as awkward, and he made jokes about artifical insemination (bad connotations, I know - but he's an awkward chauvinistic tradman who's uncomfortable talking about periods, so I'd take it as a little growth).
Most extended have dropped me entirely, but they're all dealing with their own toxic demons demons (wrapped up in a nice alcoholic bouquet), so I don't consider the detachment too much of a loss,
In my current state, it's acknowledged but still looked at with side-eyes, but I don't really care anymore. I have yet to bring somebody home, but when I do (as I usually host my own holidays) I'll be ready :`),
I wish yall the best of luck on your journeys, and look forward to all the stories
There's one I would recommend: Ayaka is in Love with hiroko It's a really cute series :] give it a try!
As long as it’s not anime, I will look into it!
a live show! https://www.gagaoolala.com/en/videos/4530/ayaka-is-in-love-with-hiroko-2024 ^ Here's a link Lmmk what you think ~
if u are interested u can try thai gl series. they are all very good
Thai gl? Do they have subtitles?
yes they have english sub title. https://youtu.be/UvIsfte-G-4?si=XhjvclENIBbun2PL this is one of my fav , u can check it out. the actresses are so pretty
Thank you! I’ll go ahead and check it out.
I don't think I've seen a single lesbian movie that I've liked lol. But I'm not really a movie person to begin with, the only ones I enjoy are stupid comedies or documentaries.
It's like movies aren't long enough to develop a good relationship, so unless there's a time-skip or it's about exes who meet again coincidentally, I don't believe in the bond they create 🙈
Haha, the quip about movies couldn’t be more true, there’s a lot I just can’t get into because I can already tell how the plot is gonna go and then I lose interest. If it’s something new premise wise or interesting that I haven’t seen before, then I’ll watch it.
I too like documentaries and silly comedies!
If it's a good story, and if the leads have good chemistry, I'll probably enjoy it. Did you see Carol? There were several men standing in the way of that relationship, but it was beautiful and believable nonetheless.
But I think what's going on here most of the time is that someone wants to/is commissioned to make a lesbian film but they don't actually have any good ideas, so they insert cheating as a plot point to generate cheap drama.
I did see Carol! And yes I did enjoy it, and you’re right that men were in the way there, but it has the excuse that it was set in the 50s. Sometimes it lends itself to a good movie, but if it’s the same premise over and over, it just gets old to me.
As you said, Velvet, movie directors run out of ideas, so they just fall back onto cheating. There’s probably loads of other creative stories to tell, heck, even my own dreams have more drama than half of the lesbian films out there.
Recently watched Love Lies Bleeding, and it was a good, if weird, film.
The lesbian characters work really well in the story, but the story is not a vehicle for a lesbians like Ammonite or that whole angsty lesbian period film genre. But the story would not have worked nearly as well with a het couple.
I say its weird because it takes kind of a strange Cronenberg-esque body horror twist at the end.
Yeah….i don’t do horror or extreme violence very well, so I’ll take your word for it! 😅
Was Ammonite any good? I haven’t watched Portrait of a Lady on Fire yet either. I guess I haven’t tried hard enough to find it on streaming platforms.
I find a lot of lesbian films on Prime and Tubi, but the Tubi ones usually are B movies with very poor writing. I honestly dislike how picky I am with my movies
EDIT: list of films I’ve found, but have not watched yet, to show what’s in this catalog:
-Girl Play (2004)- two women form feelings for each other after being cast as lovers in a local play
-The Affair (2019)- yet again a lesbian movie about two women with this time both of them married to men 🙄, a period piece set during the Nazi invasion of Czechoslovakia (foreign film)
-Walk with Me (2021)- about a divorced woman with a child falling in love with a woman
-Blush (2016)- an Israeli film about a teen girl escaping her volatile family after she meets a new girl at school
-Ambrosia (2012)- this movie’s premise falls back on the “predator lesbian” stereotype, so definitely not worth a watch
-Elena Undone (2010)- one of the two films I recently found. The wife of a preacher has an affair with the local lesbian
-But I’m a Cheerleader (2000)- we all know the premise of this one by now, rather on the campy side
-Love Spells and All That (2019)- two women reunite after 20 years at the place where they fell in love as teens
-The World to Come (2021)- the other movie I recently found. A married woman has a dying marriage, and falls in love with the woman who lives nearby their farm
-Bottoms (2024)- I heard there’s some politically correct TRA nonsense in this movie, so I steered clear of it. Essentially, two girls start a fight club at their school to date cheerleaders
Movies I have watched:
-Carol (classic at this point)
-Booksmart (liked this one)
-Cloudburst (plot writing was poor, didn’t like)
-All About E (I LOVED this one)
-Heartland (terrible)
-Signature Move (this one was just okay, but not bad)
-Almost Adults (so bad that I didn’t even finish the movie)
-Becks (terrible)
-Happy End (absolutely dreadful)
-Take me for a ride (also filled with angst, terrible writing)
Cloudburst was good, admittedly I watched it probably 10 years ago lol
I saw that movie, and I thought it’s writing left a lot to be desired
Ok 2 more came to me:
They both have an indy feel but worked out quite well for me. The Butch Jamie ones I found funny. I just googled and Michelle Ehlen has made another movie since called Maybe Someday and it's about a "NB"...😭. Why did you do that Michelle, why??
I might have watched them on Tubi can't remember. I gave up on Tubi after a while cuz I found it generally eh stuff too.
I should watch Desert Hearts as I've heard a lot about it. I read the book and found it just ok so wasn't raring to watch the movie.
I feel like I'm missing recalling a good movie I've seen...
I’ve heard about Desert Hearts too. I really should watch it! But the book is usually better than the movie, so if you didn’t like the book….still should give it a chance though.
Tubi is rough. I can’t block out all the horror stuff it keeps shoving at me, and some of their lesbian selection is lowkey gratuitous soft core porn. Like that’s not what I want to see, I want lesbian stories taken seriously.
Also it hurts more when a director sells herself out to the cult 😓. Like you made a movie that was about an actual lesbian and now you cast that out??
it did hurt a bit - Michelle played the butch in the Butch Jamie movies and was funny. V attractive to me. Then she played a NB in the latest. 😭. I wonder if (fear) it's tracking her identity narrative irl.. Even the older ones affected by this nonsense? 😕
Yeah it’s just unbearable to see older women fall into this nonsense. Like KD Lang went the she/they route too…perhaps it’s the fear of getting canceled or cast out, or perhaps it’s the fear of falling out of favor of the current “trends”. “You aren’t special anymore unless you are x, y, or z,” says the trans cult
Oh you gotta watch Go Fish! That will be period for a lot of younguns now 😂.
I like Bound. I know it's by TIMS but I still liked the movie. Jennifer Tilly in it is the only femme I have ever fancied!
I wish someone would make a Gentleman Jack film. Or some film with a lead of the same sort.
I think I tried to watch Go Fish and I was like….what is this? Haha, I might give it another try!
I quite liked Gentlemen Jack. If only they could make more shows like that in general. Or more movies with a character like that as you’ve said! Something without the gender bullshit
I don't know how easy it still is to find it, but I really liked "Aimee & Jaguar"--1999 German art house film about lesbians in Berlin during WWII.