(Edit Alternate title: Beyond Fluidity: A Discourse on Female Bisexuality)

I have a friend. We'll call her Linda.

Linda identifies as bisexual, non-binary, and "kinky." She says she's poly because as a bisexual she "needs both masculine and feminine energy" in her life.
That being said, she only dates men, both normal and TIM. She's never had a single date with an actual woman, as far as I know. And I've known her for years.

Linda is the perfect example of the "badly behaved bisexual." The women who make the rest of us mortified and ashamed of our existence.

"Don't 90% of bisexual women 'end up with men??'"
The Pew Research Center did a study in 2013 that found, at the time of the study, that 84% of bisexual respondents were currently in opposite-sex relationships (though this included bisexual men).
I believe there are multiple reasons for this.
Firstly, it's an issue of pure numbers. There are a lot more bihet men than WLW in the world, already. If we consider that many lesbians are uncomfortable dating bisexual women (which is a personal choice to which everyone is entitled of course) the potential female dating pool shrinks even smaller.

Another thing to keep in mind is that according to the Pew study, a full 18% of "lesbians" are actually bisexual in orientation, meaning bisexual women who are currently in same-sex relationships may simply be choosing to refer to themselves as lesbians instead of bisexual.

"But can't bisexual women just date other bisexual women?"
That brings us back to Linda. A lot of those so-called bisexual women are lying hetero assholes.
And this is the third reason so many bisexual women seem to be dating men:
A lot of those "bisexual" women aren't, actually.
Again, according to the Pew Research center, a full 13% of "bisexual" women identify as only/mostly opposite-sex attracted. With another 34% percent clocking in as "somewhat more" opposite-sex attracted.
This means that when a genuinely bisexual woman attempts to find a bisexual female partner, she often finds herself in the exhausting situation of nearly half her dating pool consisting of likely imposters.
It doesn't hurt any less when your so-called "bisexual" girlfriend decides to "go back to men," just because you're also bisexual.

Which leads me to my next point:
Female bisexuality makes men aggressive as fuck. All lesbians know how it feels to be objectified by men in their relationships. In my experience, when the word "gets out" that two bisexual women have made a connection, it's like a bat signal goes up to every man in a 20 mile radius. And then it starts.
"Oh sweetheart, you're not dating her are you? Your ex was such a nice boy, why don't you give him another chance?"
"Hey ladies, you need a third?"
"Oh you're not thinking of dating her, are you? She's such an idiot."
"Hey I'm taking a trip to Miami this weekend, you wanna come?"
"Are you texting her? What are you saying? Don't tell her that, she won't like it. Can I have her number?"
"Wow you're such a special girl, I feel such a connection with you. Your girlfriend is kind of lame, but you, wow. So wonderful."
I'm not saying it's impossible for any relationship to withstand it. But it's a lot of pressure on a new relationship, and it usually starts before the relationship even begins.
On top of that, even if you're rock steady, you also have to hope for the other woman to resist the massive wave of pressure and manipulation.
In my experience it's not so much that bisexual women prefer men. It's that homosexual relationships are extremely difficult to maintain, as a bisexual woman. I'm sure when you're a lesbian the social pressure is already difficult, but when your community has seen you date men and/or knows you might be open to it, the pressure is twice as strong.
It's a bit like vegans who explain that during the in-between stage when they were transitioning to veganism, people used to pressure them really really hard to eat meat. "Come on, I saw you eat meat at Dave's wedding last month. You're not a real vegan, just eat some damn pizza and stop being difficult!"
But once you've been an established vegan for a couple years, the pressure dissipates because no one has that lingering hope of persuading you.

And that brings us to the sad fact that if you do date a man, 61% of bisexual women are raped by their male partners.
The rates of general domestic violence against bisexual women is similarly staggering (49%).
This means that the majority of bisexual women who date men are at high risk for battered woman syndrome. Intimate partner violence literally causes chemical changes in your brain which shut down higher analytical function. It becomes difficult/impossible to plan for escape routes, alternate living accommodations etc. when your daily existence consists of "how can I survive this one day without being attacked?"

"Why do men treat bisexual women so badly? If they find bisexuality 'hot,' wouldn't they treat you better?"
For men, female bisexuality is a paraphilia. They do not love bisexual women. They desire us.
For most men, the moment they realize their bisexual female partner can actually love another woman, it shatters their fantasy of the submissive, pornified bisexual bimbo who "plays" with other women while needing her man for "real satisfaction" and/or "love."
And when that fantasy is shattered, he violently attempts to regain control through abuse and corrective rape.

Another thing to consider is the fact that the so-called bisexual community is an absolute dumpster fire.
For one, bisexual men are some of the most pornsick, hypersexual, controlling, hypocritical predators I've ever known. Half of them are TIMs. All of them hate women.

On top of that, the bisexual community is overrun with woke bullshit, as you might expect. In my experience meeting GC lesbians is difficult, but not impossible. I dated one for a while, she blew my mind wide open at the time.
But a GC bisexual woman? I've never, ever met one in real life. Aside from myself. It just doesn't happen.
And because bisexual women have no community of our own, again, it just serves to push us into the arms of men.

"Are you saying lesbians should be forced to date bisexual women if they don't want to????"
No, jesus christ I don't give a shit who you date.

"Why don't bisexual women just make their own community then??"
Sis, I'm trying.

"I'm a butch lesbian and every time I try to date a bisexual woman, she ends up telling me 'I thought you'd be more dominant in bed' and 'I wish you'd be more aggressive, more masculine,' etc. It makes me really dysphoric."
Now, I wasn't there, so I can't know exactly what was going on, but hear me out. When I hear a so-called "bisexual" woman rejecting her lover's femaleness, for me that immediately screams she's just a fucking straight woman.

"I dated a bisexual woman but she refused to go down on me."
"I dated a bisexual woman but she said she 'missed real dick.'"
"I dated a bisexual woman but the relationship went down in flames and she went back to her male ex."
See above. She's a fucking hetero faker. We hate them too.

"What about unicorn hunters?"
Now, this is an interesting subject. Let me start by saying I hate threesomes, I hate polyamory, I hate "swingers." I'm with you. It's gross.
That being said, I would like to add the caveat that occasionally, rarely, the female unicorn hunter in question is an actually WLW searching to escape her male partner.
I say this only because I've seen it explicitly with my own eyes. My cousin met her wife that way! They've been married for like a thousand years at this point.

That being said, I would never recommend a woman intentionally jump into the middle of that situation. If you meet a "unicorn hunter" and you want to save her from her asshole boyfriend, you better be damn well aware what you're getting yourself into.

But yes, the majority of unicorn hunters are just really gross straight people. We don't like them either.

"But what about questioning women?"
I'm aware that many lesbians as well as straight women might go through a period of wondering "am I bisexual?" Personally I think this is fine, and actually a good thing. If we had a little more space and respect for Questioning women, it would probably do a lot to decrease the number of straight women claiming a fullblown bisexual orientation.
A lot of complaints have been made about "experimenting straight women," but personally I'd rather be told upfront "I'm experimenting, I'm not sure what my orientation is" than be falsely told "I'm definitely bisexual" only to have her dump me for the first man who comes down the pike.

"Are you saying lesbians shouldn't have their own exclusive spaces???"
Again, for the love of goddess no, I'm not.
Personally, I think there should be lesbian-exclusive spaces, bisexual female-exclusive spaces, and WLW spaces.
Far be it from me to tell any lesbian "you shouldn't be able to hang out with bisexual women if you want to," or vice versa.
On the issue of lesbian bars, well, sadly it's largely moot at this point considering they're basically extinct.
But I would hesitantly suggest that historically speaking, bisexual women and lesbians have all mingled together in lesbian bars. But personally, I think it should be up to the bar owners if they want to make it lesbian-exclusive, WLW, or even a bisexual female-only bar. Why not??

"But bisexual women always act gross and talk about dick in WLW spaces."
I hear you. I've known a couple gross bisexuals, and I've heard enough horror stories to be convinced it's a real issue.
The phenomenon of the Badly Behaved Bisexual is.... certainly a thing.
What can be said on this subject?
Personally, I'm like a Kinsey 5. I generally don't like hearing women talk about fucking men. It ranges from vaguely sad to horribly repulsive.
My personal policy is "no discussing hetero sexual details in WLW spaces." Period. And no boyfriend talk.
The one exception would be a bisexual woman who was being abused and seeking support. I would never turn away a woman seeking help with an abusive man, even a bisexual woman in a WLW space.

"But bisexual women are all a bunch of obnoxious pink-haired NB 'kinksters' who won't shut up about how 'sexuality is fluid' and how bisexuals are more enlightened."
Again, in my experience, the vast majority of this specific type of woman is absolutely not bisexual. She's a "spicy straight." She thinks TIMs count as women, making her bisexual for dating TIMs and normal men. Or she thinks doing bondage makes her "queer" or whatever such bullshit.

"But you can't just say all Badly Behaved Bisexuals are just straight woman imposters..."
True, I'm not saying that. There are genuine bisexual women who do behave badly.
Something to consider is that because of the above factors, it can be really really hard to resist the brainwashing and conditioning of pornified men and the "woke" community as a bisexual woman.
Personally I'm like a Kinsey 5. Because my attraction to men happens so comparatively rarely, I've always been very motivated to surround myself in lesbian culture.
No matter what kind of bullshit was happening in my life, I always gone out of my way to look for lesbian books, musicians, movies etc. It's not always easy, though. Of course the straight people in your life are going to discourage you from involving yourself in lesbian community and culture.
So if even I have had to struggle to embrace that side of myself, what chance has a Kinsey 2? A Kinsey 1?
And fear of rejection from lesbians can also be a deterrent (though in my experience, that's been more of a fear than a reality. I've never met a lesbian IRL who made me feel particularly excluded.)

Another unfortunate factor is, again, so many bisexual women are abused. When your boyfriend is literally beating you and forcing you to conform to his fantasy of a perfect bisexual bimbo plaything, and your only relief has been the horrible (lgb)T community, it can be hard knowing how to act around other people.
I'm not saying all gross bisexuals are poor little abused women, because statistically speaking, most of them are probably just straight. But it is something to keep in mind. Of course any woman being gross and/or turning every conversation around to her boyfriend should probably be reminded "hey, this is a WLW space. Not a place to talk about straight romance." But personally if I met a woman like that, I'd be making a mental note ("uhh is she okay??")

Sidenote:
I've heard murmurs of bewilderment over the fact that lesbians report a slightly higher rate of intimate partner violence than straight women. I've seen it suggested that IPV is actually more of a concern for relationships between women. "Is this true??"
While it's true that lesbians have a higher rate of IPV than straight women (43.8% for lesbians vs. 35.0% for straight women, respectively,) the thing to keep in mind is that a full third of lesbians who experience IPV were abused by male partners. Seeing as how most lesbians attempt to date and form relationships with men before coming out, and we know that men are more motivated to abuse bisexual women, it makes complete sense that men would be extra motivated to abuse lesbians as well.
If we do some quick math to remove the men, the adjusted rate of IPV between lesbians is reduced to 30.66%. This actually makes the rate of IPV lower for lesbians than straight women, as one might expect.

Of course IPV can occur between women, and women of all orientations should be provided with appropriate support and education on the subject.

"But don't bisexuals 'have privilege'??"
It depends. Is corrective rape a privilege? Or is it a hate crime?
I'm sure there are areas where lesbians face more discrimination than bisexual women (housing and employment come to mind.) But let's be real. Lesbians and bisexual women are both A. female, and B. sexual minorities.
Quibbling about "who's more oppressed" is just rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. I refuse to participate in oppression Olympics. I refuse to grovel. I refuse to apologize for who I am.
Men are privileged. We can all agree on that.

"But bisexual women are choosing to date men over women. No one is forcing them."
When I turned 18 and got my first boyfriend, my parents were so elated they called him an "angel from heaven." My mom told me I was in love with him.
"Am I?" I asked. "Well you certainly look like you are!" she responded.
They allowed him to move halfway across the country to come live with us.
He then proceeded to abuse the hell out of me. He turned my parents against me, even more than they already were. Eventually he informed me that he was transgender, polyamorous, and a sociopath.
He started talking about "how easy it would be to commit murder and get away with it," about which arteries you can cut to make someone bleed to death.
When leaving your abusive partner comes with a risk of death, you are being literally forced to stay with him.

Every day women are kidnapped, stalked, confined, threatened, blackmailed.

So yes, a lot of bisexual women (the ones who are actually bisexual) are literally forced to be with men. This is how homophobia and misogyny work!!

"If bisexual women have it so bad, can't they just stay in the closet?"
Short answer, no.
Personally I came out at 14. It's not always possible to inform all your family and all your friends to keep your orientation and entire dating history a secret from your current partner, if he doesn't know already.
Second, even in cases where it may be possible, should any woman really be forced into a situation of hiding her orientation forever, in some instances? While some people choose to stay in the closet for safety reasons, it carries its own set of psychological burdens. Is it fair to really expect that of any woman? What happened to "out and proud"? Are we really telling bisexual women that they, uniquely, that they're "asking for abuse" if they don't stay in the closet?
I don't know about you, but I've had longterm relationships with women. I've been in love with women. As I stated, I came out at 14, which carried its own whole saga in my life. I wear flannel, I watch lesbian movies and listen to lesbian musicians. Am I supposed to stop doing what I love for fear of outing myself?
Which brings me to my next point, that not all bisexual women can pass as straight. If lesbians are being abused by their male partners before coming out of the closet, I think it's safe to assume those same men who can smell closeted lesbians can also smell closeted bisexual women. At least to some extent. Gaydar is a thing. So is the bisexual equivalent. Bidar??
But after all, when it comes to men who abuse bisexual women, we don't know if they're responding to the woman's stated orientation as much as her overall behavior. A bisexual woman may be abused by a male partner fearing her being bisexual (or more likely his fear of her being a full-blown lesbian,) as much as anything.

"But bisexual women keep dating TIMs and making us look bad."
The subject of bisexual women and TIMs is a tough one. But there are a few different things to consider here:

1. As always, a lot of these women aren't even bisexual. When a straight woman dates a TIM, there is a massive amount of pressure for her to stop "identifying" as straight. And as we established, a lot of straight women can't wait to shed the straightness and "become queer."
2. I've had the direct experience of being abused into referring to myself as a lesbian when dating a TIM. It gives them "gender euphoria" to think of themselves as dating a lesbian. If I said "lesbian," he beat me less often.
3. Bisexual women are viewed as the primary "prey" for TIMs, if you will. Lesbians and straight women can both attempt to utilize the "sorry it's not personal, my orientation just doesn't include you" defense (which still receives pushback, but at least it's something.) Bisexual women have no such defense. In fact, straight people are all too happy to inform us that we should prefer dating TIMs, due to them being the "best of both worlds," a statement which just... carries a soul-crushing amount of misogyny.
   Like, I'm sorry, what part of me being a bisexual woman leads you to assume I'm not into pussy...??
   The fact that you might actually, genuinely, be attracted to female bodies doesn't even cross their minds. It's not even a seed of a thought. Not an option, at all.
   And considering it's your own anatomy they're casually suggesting is completely superfluous, it has the double meaning of implying not only that no one should be into females, but also that no one should be into you, as a female.

So again, I'm not going to say lesbians or bisexual women "have it worse" when it comes to aggression from TIMs, because I'm sure being aggressively pursued by men in dresses, as a lesbian, is a uniquely horrifying experience.
But that being said, I would suspect that when it comes to the actual rape and abuse that TIMs are committing on living breathing women, bisexual women are probably bearing the brunt of it.
I also have to wonder if young bisexual women might be slightly more vulnerable to online grooming from TIMs, due to a tendency of being slightly more alienated from lesbian spaces and more shoehorned into general lgb(T) spaces where predatory men are given center stage. But who knows, most mainstream lesbian spaces are also full of TIMs at this point.

"Are you basically saying all bisexual women are fake?"
Well no, here's the thing: statistically there are a lot of bisexual women. More than any other sexual minority. So even if we decide to consider a full third of them to be fakers, there's still a lot of genuine bisexuals left. Especially considering 18% of "lesbians" are actually bisexual.

So that's my little manifesta on the subject of female bisexuality. Last night I listened to an excellent reading of a very bad essay on female bisexuality from the 80s, and it occurred to me that I'd never read a single book or article, never watched a single documentary or listened to a single podcast that discussed female bisexuality with any degree of nuance or insight.
I've read plenty of compelling and complex discourse when it comes to gay men, straight women, and lesbians, for better or worse. But for some reason when it comes to bisexuality, we're still stuck on "hurr durr sexuality is fluid!" and "bisexuals are privileged!" Basically we're in the stoneage, when it comes to bisexuality.
So this is my attempt to contribute some sort of discourse, with nuance, from personal experience and a radical feminist perspective, backed up by data and statistics.