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questionHow good is your gaydar? Can you usually tell when a woman is attracted to you?
Posted May 1, 2022 by velvetpaws in LovingWomen

22 comments

My gaydar is great. My “someone is interested in me” radar is not.

otterstromMay 2, 2022

What she said.

nansheonearthMay 2, 2022

My mode is to assume all women are lesbians until proven otherwise. It helps in spotting femme lesbians more often. When a woman mentions a boyfriend or husband then I'll assume she's bi rather than assuming she's straight. I've found this to be more accurate than the default of assuming people are straight.

I can often tell if a woman is attracted to me. Whether or not I'm too shy to do something about it is a whole nother story

MissMiloticMay 5, 2022

I think I've actually got a pretty good gaydar, and can usually feel the vibes when a woman is into me. I have often questioned myself in the past but when I look back, I usually had a pretty good gut sense of who was attracted to me (and sometimes they confessed years later). I suppose when I feel a strong attraction I'm usually more conscious of the other person being into me as well, and it's quite rare for me to have a completely one sided attraction.

That said it can be a little confusing when women say they are straight but behave in a very flirty way - this can sometimes make it difficult to figure out what's going on.

velvetpaws [OP]May 5, 2022

That said it can be a little confusing when women say they are straight but behave in a very flirty way - this can sometimes make it difficult to figure out what's going on.

I've been thinking about why I'm fortunate enough to never experience this, and I'm pretty sure it's because I repel (and am repelled by) attention-seeking types. It's such a huge turn-off to me in any context, romantic or otherwise. I'm presuming here that attention is the underlying motivation for straight women who flirt with gay and bi women, and I realize that might not always be the case. Maybe they just like flirting for flirting's sake; maybe they're oblivious to the effect it has on others. Anyway, interesting.

MissMiloticMay 6, 2022

I do think sometimes it's attention or validation seeking, but in my experience some seem genuinely confused - especially the younger ones, who are still figuring themselves out.

My conclusion from these experiences is that if I feel confused, chances are the other person does too - and thus it's probably not worth pursuing or dwelling on too much. I tend to find older women seem to like flirting with me for the ego boost, while younger women seem more genuinely unsure of their orientation. Neither are a good basis for a serious relationship, though it could lead to a fun fling if that piques my interest.

BeruMay 1, 2022

Depends on the environment, if it's during social life then ok but if it's at work, then I'm terrible. It's always after I've left one job and gone on to the next that I look back and realize that colleague x was flirting with me all those times. Feels very silly. How about you?

velvetpaws [OP]May 1, 2022

Funny! Have you ever reconnected with any of these women?

Fortunately I think mine is pretty good now. That wasn't always the case. When I was in college my inexperience and wishful thinking resulted in a few then-devastating/now-embarrassing false positives.

BeruMay 1, 2022

Haha it happens to us all. Whenever I have a 'false positive' I think "Well at least I can take rejection gracefully, unlike so many men I've met" and it makes the feelings of embarrassment almost disappear.

You know it's actually such a good idea, what you say about reconnecting with them. I totally should. I don't know why I hadn't entertained this idea more seriously XD Maybe then with practice my gaydar will get as good as yours LOL

otterstromMay 2, 2022

I need the woman to literally say the words that she’s interested in me. Otherwise I’ll just think (if it’s mutual) “What a nice women she was. Whelp better get back to work/the store/my book etc”

caelianMay 9, 2022(Edited May 11, 2022)

My gaydar is a 7/10 accuracy I would say. Most women I could tell by day one if they were lesbian or bi but sometimes it takes me awhile to tell. But, there have been a few, so far women I would have never guessed were usually bi women that leaned heavily to men and were with men. Although I wasn't really close to them.

I can often tell if a woman is attracted to me, but I usually don't like to presume right off the bat because straight women have been weird to me most of my life so now I second guess myself lol. Back when Facebook was the social media platform I would post a new profile pic and my straight friends would say some flirty/explicit stuff about me but didn't mean anything by it, or would give me kisses on the cheek but didn't mean anything by it. Straight women are weird like that lol. When I was in the 8th grade my best friend at the time said if by 25 we didn't find anyone to marry, we would marry each other (same-sex marriage wasn't legal in my state at the time but, we would just elope or something). I still don't know if she's straight, bi, or lesbian 😅

ElleGeeBeeMay 2, 2022

Mine's terrible in real life lol (at least with women hitting on me; I'm bi) but it's pretty good for movies and TV shows, ironically... Hollywood is pretty heavy handed I find, while women are more subtle.

velvetpaws [OP]May 2, 2022

That's an insightful observation. I actually find that many of the signs I see onscreen are the same ones that tip me off to real-life attraction, but at the same time I agree with your point. There is a more subtle and drawn-out dance between women that usually isn't depicted in film.

MissMiloticMay 11, 2022

I also find it's harder to tell with bi women than lesbians, as bi women tend to often come across as more similar to straight women. For example, they tend to dress in a more feminine way, and often talk about dating/hooking up with men. So it makes it a little hard to guess sometimes.

velvetpaws [OP]May 11, 2022

Yeah, much better to judge by chemistry/vibes than appearance.

stirfriedkailanMay 5, 2022

Good gaydar but horrible at telling when a woman is attracted. I had 2 friends told me, in frustration, that they were attracted to me a while back but didn't say anything because I was too oblivious to it.

stern-as-steelMay 2, 2022

My gaydar is pretty good - or at least it was. These days it can be hard to know whether a woman is actually same-sex attracted or is just experiencing gender-feels.

areteMay 2, 2022

My gaydar seems to be at its most functional when dealing with historical figures and fictional characters. 😅

velvetpaws [OP]May 2, 2022

Ooh, care to out anyone? I doubt they'd mind.

areteMay 3, 2022

Haha, for example, I actually figured out that Jane Addams was a lesbian when I read a very short biography of her years ago. Also once in archeology class, our professor read a description of the Apollo of Belvedere by the German art historian Johann Winckelmann. "A straight man couldn't have written such a thing," thought I to myself, and turns out I was right. 😂

velvetpaws [OP]May 4, 2022

I'm not sure how you can market this talent, but I am sure it is a talent.

[Deleted]May 2, 2022