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MetaWelcome to Name the Problem
This is a radical feminist circle dedicated to recording and exploring the global phenomenon of male violence.
Please be aware of readers' sensitivities when you post to this circle. Keep in mind that the circle's focus is male violence, not general male bad behavior.
Flair your post according to the type of violence it features. This is so that readers can avoid particular kinds of material. Note: The "Meta" tag is for posts about this circle, primarily mod posts like this one.
FACTS
RECOMMENDED READING
If you are experiencing/at risk of male violence you may find these books useful:
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence by Gavin de Becker
Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life by Evan Stark
GET HELP
Look here to find support for victims of male violence in your region.
QUOTES
Domestic violence against women by men is “caused” by the misuse of power and control within a context of male privilege. Male privilege operates on an individual and societal level to maintain a situation of male dominance, where men have power over women and children. Domestic violence by men against women can be seen as a consequence of the inequalities between men and women, rooted in patriarchal traditions that encourage men to believe they are entitled to power and control over their partners.
Perpetration of serious violence and crime is in fact the most distinctive sex difference there is, cross-culturally.
The male-female difference in perpetrators of violent crime is about 10 to 1, consistent across every state in the United States, and true of every country for which such data are available…The overwhelming maleness of violence is so pervasive in every human society that it is typically not even recognized as such; it is the ocean in which we swim.
RULES
Please make sure you've read the the Sitewide Rules and Sitewide Guidelines as well as the circle-specific rules below.
General Guidelines: Posts should document male violence. Use descriptive titles when submitting links and text posts. Avoid vague titles, clickbait titles, and editorializing. If you're linking to a news article or blog, make the title of your submission the title of the article or blog posts, or at least begin with it. Clear titles help people avoid posting duplicate topics.
NAMALT/Whataboutery: This sub does not accept arguments that predicated on the idea that 'not all men' commit crimes or that women commit crimes too. We know that not all men commit crimes and that some women do. We also know all the available proof indicates that men commit the majority of violent crime in every country of the world and in every historical period. Breaking this rule will lead to an immediate ban.
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This circle was originally inspired by the now defunct tumblr blog nametheproblem.com
In the US in the workplace, I believe this actually meets the legal threshold for sexual harassment, as something that creates a hostile work environment for women. You're not being a prude, they're being unprofessional pigs.
I learned the hard way that reporting it in a male dominated profession results in being blacklisted under the table.
Absolutely. Just because it's officially not permitted doesn't mean much in real life workplaces, like every other thing men do to women to drive us out or put us in our place.
I work in a male dominated profession. My mom had to report a coworker for sexual harassment. It is against the law for that report to be heard by anybody at the company exceptt her, HR, and the dude. And if someone does hear somehow or they think it's you and do ANYTHING because of it, that's also illegal and considered retaliation. It's better to report than let it go on and have the men believing it's ok to do this around other workers, much less female coworkers
Oh I’ve just used these exact phrases for what I think would happen in the UK too!
In the UK this would be considered sexual harassment in the workplace, creating a hostile environment etc. it would be a disciplinary offence
Sometimes, they make these passing comments about other women like "damn, what a fat ass", "goddamn, that girl has some huge tits" etc. Or they joke about watching porn or having sex. Maybe I'm prudish or whatever, but it makes me uncomfortable sometimes, and I just laugh mostly in disbelief that they'd say something like that around me.
You aren't prudish.
You live in a very conservative Muslim country and the men there behave like this ?
Unbelievable. Or, very believable, as, well, the level of misogyny is higher.
But the hypocrisy is outrageous.
(I live in a predominantly Christian country where all religions and lack thereof are tolerated, and women who sleep around have nothing more to fear than the usual male violence and a bad reputation, and let me tell you, I'd leave a workplace where men behaved like this.)
Honestly, the only time I heard such comments live, it was women commenting on the bodies of men, which is ... very different in that it is not threatening, but it still did make me rather uncomfortable to hear it. (And possibly a reaction to men behaving that way? Women trying to behave like men? Idk. I have a healthy sex drive, but I don't think it is proper to inform others of such thoughts.)
It's not particularly creepy for an adult male acquaintance to make bad taste sexual jokes around me
Yes it is. Why can't men be fucking normal.
Listen to your body. Don't ignore the feelings you're having. Do you have to be alone with these rude scrotes?
It's not particularly creepy for an adult male acquaintance to make bad taste sexual jokes around me anymore, since I'm not underage anymore.
Nah fam. It is still creepy. It's always creepy.
But I am allowed to feel fucking uncomfortable right??? I'm not supposed to just tolerate it and get used to it?
Of course you are allowed to feel uncomfortable with men objectifying and sexualizing women. It is deplorable behavior. I do not recommend getting used to it—don't desensitize yourself to depravity. In regards to "tolerating it," that would be a personal call depending on how safe you feel, how much you need this job, how much you're willing to risk your coworkers ostracizing you for speaking up about their behavior.
I'm sorry you have to deal with their disrespectful and gross behavior at all in the first place.
I wonder if they’re testing you. How would it go if you said, hey guys, maybe keep that kind of discussion for your male co-workers? Be friendly, calm, older-sisterly about it. Don’t tell them it upsets you, don’t get rattled, just remind them it’s not appropriate.
this deserves a separate post on its own, but i believe the older one was definitely testing me this whole time.
he was like a mentor to me. over the 6-7 months I trained there, we became fairly close, he'd defend me when others make comments about me or are rude to me. he'd get angry on my behalf for any injustice i face. I'd also go to him for advice, and he was like an older brother to me. he'd also tell me personal things and opinions that he only tells his close friends.
for context, I'm 21 and he's 28.
then, last Christmas, we added each other on snapchat.
and he was making overly sexual jokes (like joking about him jerking off), hinting at me that he had certain intentions with me. I told him I was uncomfortable talking about this stuff with him because he was like an older brother to me. and he told me he hated being brozoned.
it's like he was a completely different person online.
and I guess that counts as sexual harrassment.
Yes, I think you’re right. It is sexual harassment, and he was both too wise in the ways of the workplace to do it at work, and hoping that the chivalrous approach would get you to consider him sexually .
There’s usually no point in telling such men you don’t like being romance-zoned, or that the workplace for you is somewhere for professional friendships, not a dating pool, and you will not be getting involved with anyone there. He will almost certainly still feel you’ve mistreated him.
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It is so fucking creepy how men go after teenage girls and young women
Yes that absolutely is grooming and sexual harassment. What a piece of shit. I'm sorry that happened.
I have to wonder if the women aren't allowed to have sex, who are these dudes sleeping around WITH?
foreign women who aren't muslims. lol. but they judge the shit out of these women behind their backs too. I feel bad for the girls who sleep with these assholes for validation.
Are there enough to go around in Their countries though?
We can't be naive. I'm sure he's sleeping with foreign women, liberal Muslim women, any woman who will have his nasty scrote ass.
I left a job over toxic masculinity and off colored commentary that management participated in.
I've never seen any manager here behave like that, thankfully. but the normal level employee men... ugh.
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You COULD start saying things like "damn, what a fat dick," or "goddam, that dude has a tight ass," and see what reaction you get.
She stated she lives in a Muslim country.
So I don't think that's a good idea.
I'd rather try and remind them of the religious rules. No one can say anything against that, surely?
(I mean, here in Germany, telling someone that it's not very Christian to do X would result in you being laughed at, but I get the impression Muslim countries are different.)
You aren't being a prude and this behavior shouldn't be acceptable. In college it was like torture for me being the only woman in my major. It was constant sa jokes and shit. Covid ironically helped me out since we became online only but I really feel for you in this situation.
If you can't complain I would suggest planning your exit strategy ASAP. It will be better sister. In my current workplace it's not like this, it's very professional and I am in a conservative country as well.
Much love and hugs.
Good for you, you've got a good workplace.