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Intimate Partner ViolenceI think my father has killed my mother
It was a car crash, and I think he has done it “accidentally on purpose”. I want to write about it because I think he will not be punished and there are people in the family who don’t believe me. But my father is a narcissist, and she was the victim who was preparing a soft exit. He knew about it and he seemed to have accepted the new reality. But, based on conversations I had with him before the accident, I feel that inside he was boiling with anger and resentment. I had a bad feeling about it and I warned her, but she waved my concerns off. She was so very optimistic, my poor, beloved, naive mother…
Everyone tells me that he wouldn’t have risked his own life, but again, I feel that he would have, because of his very strong narcissistic nature.
His behaviour after, at the funeral, was completely unrepentant. He never apologized. He says he’s being framed. He’s too old to be put in prison, where he deserves to be. He will not be punished for his crimes - plural, because he has exploited and tortured her all his life.
I cannot tell you how broken I feel. I cannot sleep, eat, work, all I do is lie down in bed and read and comment here on Ovarit (I wish my brain were capable of more but it isn’t). I feel my mother was a victim of domestic violence. I feel she has joined the long (infinite?) line of women killed by their partners.
I want to heal because I need to function in my life, but the injustice and the despair at her loss pierce my heart. I don’t know how to live without her.
Tell me, my friends, if you have any wisdom for me. Thank you.
Edited to add this:
I will never speak to him again, but he has now become a concern in terms of how to take care of him. He needs a caretaker (although he claims he doesn’t). I would let him live (or die) on his own, but my siblings are very preoccupied with acting In a “honorable” manner and not being “vengeful”. So now anything that’s not perfectly aligned with his desires is vengeful and “meting out justice”(and that’s said as if it’s a bad thing, because it’s not mine to mete said justice).
I foresee a clash with my siblings as well, due to how differently we see the future of the relationship and our duties to our father. As far as I’m concerned, zero duties.
Thank you for all your support and suggestions ❤️