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MetaWelcome to Name The Problem
This is a radical feminist circle dedicated to recording and exploring the global phenomenon of male violence.
Please be aware of readers' sensitivities when you post to this circle.
Flair your post according to the type of violence it features. This is so that readers can avoid particular kinds of material.
Use the NSFW tag for cases of:
child sexual abuse infanticide graphic descriptions of violence
FACTS
RECOMMENDED READING
If you are experiencing/at risk of male violence you may find these books useful:
Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft
The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence by Gavin de Becker
Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life by Evan Stark
GET HELP
Look here to find support for victims of male violence in your region.
QUOTES
Domestic violence against women by men is “caused” by the misuse of power and control within a context of male privilege. Male privilege operates on an individual and societal level to maintain a situation of male dominance, where men have power over women and children. Domestic violence by men against women can be seen as a consequence of the inequalities between men and women, rooted in patriarchal traditions that encourage men to believe they are entitled to power and control over their partners.
Perpetration of serious violence and crime is in fact the most distinctive sex difference there is, cross-culturally.
The male-female difference in perpetrators of violent crime is about 10 to 1, consistent across every state in the United States, and true of every country for which such data are available…The overwhelming maleness of violence is so pervasive in every human society that it is typically not even recognized as such; it is the ocean in which we swim.
RULES
Please make sure you've read the the Sitewide Rules and Sitewide Guidelines as well as the circle-specific rules below.
General Guidelines: Posts should document male violence. Use descriptive titles when submitting links and text posts. Avoid vague titles, clickbait titles, and editorializing. If you're linking to a news article or blog, make the title of your submission the title of the article or blog posts, or at least begin with it. Clear titles help people avoid posting duplicate topics.
NAMALT/Whataboutery: This sub does not accept arguments that predicated on the idea that 'not all men' commit crimes or that women commit crimes too. We know that not all men commit crimes and that some women do. We also know all the available proof indicates that men commit the majority of violent crime in every country of the world and in every historical period. Breaking this rule will lead to an immediate ban.
No Trolling: Users who troll, concern troll, or sealion the circle and/or its users will not receive a warning and be promptly banned. Anyone who attempts to circumvent an account ban with multiple accounts will be reported to the admins.
Civility: Maintain civility while participating here. Do not insult others for disagreeing with you. Do not escalate disagreements into fights. Do not target or harass individual users that you don't like. Do not feed trolls. Report them to the moderators. Low-effort posts that only insult or disparage people or groups of people will be removed. Violations will result in warnings and bans at the discretion of the moderators.
No Hate Speech: Posts will be removed if they are espousing misogyny, racism, anti-semitism, anti-Muslimism, homophobia, ageism, ableism, denigrating the mentally ill, or truly hateful or dehumanizing descriptions of people. Posts will be removed for using slurs.
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This circle was originally inspired by the now defunct tumblr blog nametheproblem.com
Medium-firm on the bottom, with a softer one on top, is ~chef’s kiss~ 🤌 🥰
I didn't know that some people use two pillows stacked on top of each other until reading your comment
I slept with the same arrangement as Committing_Tervery for most of my life.
These days I have to use a damn bed wedge to help keep the reflux at bay, so two pillows on top of that isn't happening.
i like them somewhat moldable and with natural fiber filling too! poly instantly feels too hot.
Very firm very thin. Or no pillow and part of the blanket bunches up under my head.
I have a fairly soft one and a medium one. I tried memory foam ones with more structure, but feather and down ones that I can mush into shape work better.
i don't i feel it makes my tmj worse. Tho, on the subject of pillows. If you have lower back pain, i highly suggest trying to sleep on your back with a pillow under your knees. It can do wonders.
Or just put a piece of duvet between if you don't have an extra pillow. I always sleep with duvet between my knees.
I tried that and found it really didn't work, because I turn over several times a night.
Yeah if you toss and turn a lot, a pillow is a better solution
Even that didn't help - and the small ones made with elastic to hold them in place twisted around my leg. Doomed!
That's a bummer! Have you tried pregnancy pillows?
No, I've rather given up on leg pillows now, not least since wedge pillow + cat + me in a king single bed = very crowded. 😄
Aspercreme on my jaw every night before I go to bed now. A too soft pillow makes my neck hurt, but a neck friendly pillow makes my jaw hurt. Aspercreme is my compromise.
Very cold. Firmness matters way less to me than if it's got that cooling fabric on it. Menopausal night sweats
Depends on which way I'm laying. I'm usually a side or stomach sleeper, in which case the softer side of medium. When my back is bothering me I sleep on my back, and I prefer it more firm. I use a king sized shredded latex pillow that has a firmness that can kind of be adjusted depending on how you "fluff" it.
My question is, who are the pod people who don't sleep with a pillow? I genuinely can't fathom it!
I sleep on my stomach, so any elevation near head makes it impossible for me to fall asleep, it's just too uncomfortable. I just use an empty satin pillow sheet.
I tried to teach myself to sleep in any other position and I just can't. I'll be lying awake for 8h through all the night, but give me a moment to roll back to my stomach and I'm gone 😴
How do you breathe? Do you keep your head twisted to the side or do you actually lie face-down?
Oh no, definitely to the side, I usually move from one side of the face to the other, before I'll fall asleep.
You did plant that picture in my mind though, with me laying totally face-down, and it's the funniest thing :D Especially since I sleep with my arms down as well, straight alongside the body, so I would look just dead.
I was imagining that you had something like a massage table mattress that has a face cushion with a hole in the center so that you can still breathe when you're on your stomach
I've never been at the massage parlour before so now I fear I would just fall asleep. That would be the perfect sleeping setup.
My question is, who are the pod people who don't sleep with a pillow? I genuinely can't fathom it!
I was surprised about that too! I put it as an option just in case, but I didn't really expect anyone to choose that. I sleep on my side or back but use the same pillow regardless of sleeping position.
Rock hard pillow and mattress! My back needs it. I do have an old, flattened pillow for in between my legs.
Down pillow medium.
I would give a lot of money for a pillow that really, actually stayed cold!
I like 'em just hard enough that they don't poof out around my face when I lie down. Hate that. Face touches nothing! Nothing!
Medium-firm for me. Though I’m liking them firmer the older I get because they seem to help with my neck and upper back issues.
I can’t believe more people prefer no pillow at all to a very firm one though! No pillow at all would be my idea of hell.
I can’t believe more people prefer no pillow at all to a very firm one though! No pillow at all would be my idea of hell.
it surprised me too that there were votes for not using a pillow. I wouldn't voluntarily choose to sleep without a pillow. I'd only do it if I were in some unusual situation where pillows weren't available. though maybe no pillow would be preferable to an uncomfortable pillow?
though maybe no pillow would be preferable to an uncomfortable pillow?
But in most cases you can easily make a comfortable pillow out of your clothes, especially in winter when you wear layers.
I’m trying to imagine an uncomfortable pillow vs no pillow situation and I think I would try to make the uncomfortable pillow suitable rather than sleep with no pillow. My neck needs some kind of support. These no pillow people need to explain themselves!
These no pillow people need to explain themselves!
I am almost certain all of us are belly-sleepers. Imagine yourself standing straight for 8 hours. Your legs would probably get tired, but your back, your spine, would be okay, right? Now try to stand leaning back. I bet just after a few minutes you'd start feeling uncomfortable. Imagine doing it for 8 hours. That's why no pillow is the best option for us. Belly-sleeping is still rather unhealthy for a spine (from what I've read), but zero elevation keeps your spine in a relatively relaxed position.
I’m a belly sleeper and can’t bear to sleep without a pillow haha. Tbf I do often wake up with back and neck pain so that could explain it!
I definitely recommend switching to no-pillow then! It's gonna be so much easier for your back. I read in some place that for physiotherapists we are their favourite customers when we get older, because sleeping on our stomach is the worst position for the spine, and the only way to make it better (other than learning to sleep on a side or back) is to ditch the pillow.
I myself use just an empty satin pillow sheet, it's mostly like a "placebo" effect to trick my mind that I have something under my head, even though it's so thin.
I need both my pillow and my mattress to be as firm as possible. When I bought my bed I just asked them to show me the firmest mattress they had and bought that one. Got pillows to match. It's perfect
I sleep with a scrunched up blanket so I can move it exactly how I want to be supported. I change positions really often, sometimes on my back, sometimes side, sometimes stomach.
For me, the shape of the pillow matters more than the firmness. I bought a curved pregnancy pillow because I thought it looked comfy (not because I was pregnant) and it's my favorite pillow ever.
Soft and thin. I ended up getting a "Junior" pillow last time, even though the store assistant was cautioning against it, and it's perfect.